how many corpses can you store there? Whats like full capacity? When you go out and its weekend and you knoe it will be busy night and you'll stab many people?

they're not sealed or stained or painted or anything on the inside so i wouldn't put anything bloody in there. aside from that tho they're deep af, they go all the way to the wall, so i guess i could strangle a few kids and jam them in there ok. but in a badass way

and i would fight any of you. i know nobody mentioned it, i'm just putting that out there.

i'm just worried, i guess i wouldn't say worried cause i'm a total badass, but concerned that you people aren't giving me the amount of respect that i expect because i'm such a short-fused violent weirdo irl i'm used to people treating me really carefully and not like everybody else. why aren't you asking me about my badass exploits? i'm a major hardass being uncharacteristically nice gracing this forum of nerdy keyboard warriors with my presence and letting you ask me any and all questions. who cares about cabinets? what are you, an interior decorator? not me. i'm 100% heterosexual i've never even vacuumed my house once.

lol

Why have you clearly put the handles there and not in the center of the door?

If someone did it the other way or had not noticed what would you suggest this implies of their character / intellect ?

Just a random question I came up with.

U need to talk about being a fully sick **** who gets his ass kicked all the time and you're not being desperate enough for anonymous users to give you acceptance while whining about them being anonymous so you can't find them and force yourself on them.

I think being a desperate lonely old man would do it too?

Someone told me these things worked well for another guy....

i'd say any person who puts handles in the center of cabinet doors has zero knowledge of physics or common sense. probably some meathead who never applied himself in school

i excelled in scholarly pursuits. i attended multiple ivy league schools, was asked to give lectures at national league and american league schools as well. i was top of my class at West Pointe, where the polo club used real metal lances. and i spent my summers backpacking across europe, stabbing students.

Not bad. Sort of a mid-century shabby-chic vibe.

Pretty sure those are asbestos floor tiles tho.

Lmaooooo

I heard that you lured a pack of crack crazed zombies to a druglords hideout and stole his newest shipment in broad daylight while you wore a necklace made of wholegrain wheat and blue berries to repel your undead cohorts.

Please tell us more.

the legend has grown significantly since the events lol. yes, i stole a druglord's shipment in broad daylight, but what the gossip circles DIDN'T know is that i stole the shipment right in front of the violent drug lord's eyes. it was a maneuver i learned in one of my many university-level college credit courses that i paid for up front in full with my own money.. i knew the drug lord was an avid big game hunter, so i personally sent him a taxidermied rare jaguar posed in a leaping position. he instantly recognized the value of such a gift and accepted it into his most private and secure drug warehouse.

little did he know, i had posed myself in a leaping position and had the endangered jaguar killed and taxidermied OVER MY OWN BODY. then it was just a matter of waiting several days in that position for the moment when i could explode out of the jaguar with leaping fury, clawing the drug lord into bloody submission with the jaguar claws that i had the doctor surgically implant into my knuckles.

the "undead zombie army" were merely my best friends from high school who are so addicted to heroin they'll basically do anything for money. the necklace of wheat and berries? typical for me, it's a symbol of how a gluten-free vegan lifestyle has given me these amazing abilities.

you DO tell awesome stories.

this is not the appreciation thread Majik, he is telling us some interesting stabing stories from his ghetto life and he is now ready for fishing and golfing in London.

RESPECT

Describe in detail what the worst of your 147 jobs was. Omit nothing. Duties, sexual services to the boss to stay employed, fights with staff or what eva.

i fish the thames every morning and the chemical waste only makes me stronger. and i'm not a member of any snobby country club golf course, either. i'm an everyman. i hit balls off the helipad of the UBS headquarters when i feel like golfing. i don't make a big deal out of it


and i fish with my bare hands, too. it's called noodling. i learned it when i was a crocodile wrestler.

worst job ever was definitely when i lived at a monastery for 10 years. they made me sweep up outside with a straw broom. the outside is always gonna have dirt on it, that's literally the definition of outside. and i would have to carry buckets of water up like 10,000 steps any time somebody wanted water. and sometimes the older guys would ask for water then just throw it at me when i got back. and master pai mei was the worst, he'd try to teach me to fight but he said i was too new to use weapons, but then he would use tons of weapons against me and run on the tops of the trees with birdlike agility, i couldn't do any of that bull**** so i got my ass kicked a lot at first.

hmmm what else... they would make me go out into the jungle to kill tigers with no tools, just using pressure points and **** to make its heart explode. which was really tough because a lot of those tigers were endangered at the time, and i just left their bodies out there to rot. i was basically the resident pest exterminator for some time. they once made me murder an entire tribe of gorillas because they were making too much noise. which was ridiculous because they all already knew sign language. the baby gorillas kept signing "why?" the whole time; it was really upsetting.

Same as above but with the best job.

All you guys suck btw. Gotta keep this ship sailing.

I thoroughly approve of the direction this thread is taking. Totally real, utterly believable stories told rather wittily. A+ guy
Id heard of the pressure point tiger asplode move before but always thought it a myth.
Please continue..

in high school i was top of my class academically and one spring day whilst gazing out the window i saw a black notebook fall from the sky seemingly from nowhere. after class i picked it up and it had a bunch of strange rules written in it, like someone crazy created it. "any name written in this notebook will die"? nobody could believe that. just a sick joke from some pathetic weirdo.

that night, while watching the local news on tv in my bedroom, i saw a report about a car chase through downtown los angeles and the fox affiliate broadcast the name and face of the fugitive. so i thought "ok" and wrote it in the notebook as per the instructions. i never expected that 45 seconds later the car chase would be over and a god of death would be looming over me, telling me about the contract i just entered into.

it was at that point that i knew it was just a hoax some idiot with a blank notebook came up with because he was bored, and i decided to ignore it. threw the notebook in the trash and forgot about the whole ordeal. i've been haunted by that damn shinigami ever since but he's hilarious so it's ok

I'll have to check with the judges...but I'm pretty sure this is the best self-bump of all time.

I would read a ScreaminAsian novel.



Well, I probably wouldn't, but I'd read the Amazon blurb and tell everybody it was a brilliant, transgressive work that blurred the boundaries between post-structuralism and Chick tracts.

6 Shocking Facts About ScreaminAsian That He WON'T Write About In His Book:

6. he's owned multiple boats and regularly renews his boating license. but has never undocked from the marina without a hired crew.

5. drug use only makes him stronger. he has revealed to multiple close sources that his repeated heavy drug abuse has bestowed him with superhuman abilities.

4. he can never die. ScreaminAsian has also insinuated that the reason he hasn't died yet is because it's physically impossible for him to be killed or die in any way, ever.

3. he foresaw the artificial intelligence takeover of Go. ScreaminAsian dedicated himself to become a Go champion and very quickly realized it was stupid, giving up on the game and therefore not wasting years of time better spent on other endeavors. genius!

2. he once tried to keep a houseplant alive. but his natural killing instinct kicked in without anyone even realizing it

1. once met ricky gervais on a plane. and it changed ricky gervais' life