“not to black, not too black!” I warn jenn as she reaches for her darkest shade of airbrush bronzer. "we need to make this look real, idiot!" i scream at her.
"i'm sorry! i'm sorry modus" she says as she cowers her head like a defeated dog.
"if dirtbag gets found out, its your ass!" i exclaim.
jenn and i have a little bit of a past. like many, she's been wanting the modus for a few years now. can't say i'm against it, she does in fact hit all the items on my check list. a cute face with long brown hair, BMI under 19, a sick pair of bombs, and a fine dime piece backside. all the virgins in the galaxy would be hump and bust with the quickness...but they dont kno. they don't kno about building the suspense, building the anticipation, in turn....building the insecurities. it's broken down into a simple math equation. (Rejection + Ridicule) x Affirmation^-8 = Deez Nuts. before long, they'll all be bending the the will of my sweet, supple coconuts.
"ok now look jenn" i say as i flash her a pic of one of the hardest rappers in the game.
"we need him to have that beautiful bronzed mulatto look." i say, giving her specific directions.
“dirtbag’s got soft, feminine features.” I say as I point to his non existent cheek bones. “now me on the other hand…” I say, turning to the mirror, “my cheek bones are magnificent, defined and rugged, while at the same time, extraordinarily delicious.” phuck I’m hard.
Turning back to the two of them I see a look in jenn’s eyes as she’s giving me the once over. like many times before, once just isn’t enough. it quickly turns into a twice, then thrice over. After drinking it in 3 times, she’s ready to go. and as always, I’m ready to go 31. Instinctually I reach to pop the buttons to my breakaways when i see her gazing endlessly at the magic stick.
pushing off my back foot i pop out the wheels and glide swiftly across the room. not bothering to hit the breaks i collide straight into jenn. in a single motion i pick her up and pin her against the wall. her eyes begin to widen in excitement and she starts to breath heavily. i can see her chest quickly rising and falling, she's practically beggin for the sausage. finally feeling ready to make her dreams come true i motion to dirtbag to give us a moment alone. checking the rest of the room i see an empty station just a few feet away from us. as i'm about to turn back to jenn my eye catches a picture taped to the edge of the mirror. his face, black in color, looks eerily similar. slowly backing away from jenn and letting go of her, she slide down the wall she lands softly on her feet. giving me a look of confusion as i glide across to her neighbors station she says, "what are you doing?". ignoring her, i take a closer look at the picture and after a few short moments i realize the hoodrat looking back at me in the skinny crackhead i euthanized outside my house just last night.
feeling an immense amount of rage build inside of me i bellow out, "WHOSE PHUCKIN STATION IS THIS!"
jenn looks back at me horrified and the entire salon goes silent. rolling out into the lobby i scream at the receptionist, "WHO THE PHUCK RUNS THAT STATION CINDY!?'
staring back at me open mouthed and extremely distressed she begins to jumble through her appointment book. collecting myself for a moment and thinking back to my prior visits and the girls i've seen working there it hits me like a ton of bricks...
"I KNO THIS IS YOUR STATION SHANAYNAY!!!" i shout. "GET THE F*** OUT HERE!"
Walking out from the back room i see Shanaynay gluing on the last of her long, fake fingernails. giving me her typical attitude she puts her hand on her hips and bobs her head, "what modus?!" as she looks at me, both annoyed and confused.
becoming more enraged by the minute i shake my head and say, "no! not today, i dont want ur f****** attitude." marching up to her i grab her by the arm and walk her into her's and jenn's room. pointing at the picture of the cracked out degenerate i calm myself down and ask, "who is that?"
looking more and more confused by the moment shanaynay says, "who...Jessup?"
"how do you kno him?" i quickly ask.
smacking her lips together she replies, "well...you knowwww......we had a lil thing a while back, we-"
"where does he live?" i cut her off.
"why?!" she asks completely stunned.
"where does he live" i demand again.
looking unsure she smacks her lips again and says, "the f*** if i know, he moves around a lot...last i heard he was livin wit this skank LaToya. she's up on those apartments by the sunoco, near 9th."
"okay, good.....good." i say, as i start to pace the room, thinking up my next move.
"so.....is that all?" shanaynay asks. "uhhh yeah" i reply, as i distractedly wave her out of the room.
looking back at dirtbag and jenn i say, "alright, finish the job, we don't have a whole lot of time."
about an hour goes by and jenn is finally putting on the finishing touches. giving dirtbag a closer look i can hardly recognize him. "thats perfect!" i say to jenn. bustin out the croc skin wallet i flash her a frankie muniz and say "now...there's just one more thing...."
"whats that?" she asks
showing her the drake pic and pointing over to dirtbag i say, "this looks good...i mean its aiiighhh, its pretty aiigh, but what's the one thing we're missing here?"
looking back and forth between the picture and DB she looks confounded and says, "i dont know modus..."
"the lips" i say, "we need collagen, lots of collagen."
with a look of sever panic dirtbag says, "modus no! no, i don't want collagen injections, please!" throwing him a pissed off look i say, "what?!? bro ain't no one gonna believe those thin ass snake lips!" i yell at him as i point to his mouth. "you wanna get butt owned or do u wanna do this the right way??"
thinking it over for a minute dirtbag grumpily sits back and mumbles, "fine....just get it over with."
after a few injections dirtbags lips are puffin up nicely. "damn...those look sick" i say, with a hint of jealously. "jenn u got anymore?" i ask.
minutes later dirtbag and i are both rollin out of the salon with much fuller, juicier lips. "what are we gonna do now?" dirtbag asks.
looking back at him i say, "we gotta pick up a few things...then we're gonna pay Jessup a little visit"