Really nice of him to go out of his way to try and help though. And the whole time you are thinking he might mug you lollolololol to much funny in this story.
I'm not nearly as good a writer as anyone who has ever posted a trip report before (in fact, I'm a horrible writer) but I'll do my best.
You're too hard on yourself, this post was awesome. I don't consume bananas myself, but I imagine that if I did, this is the sort of thing that would happen to me.