i just think if you ARE in love and there IS a problem (i mean, people change. that's ****ing obvious), then you put in the work and effort to see if you can a) fix the problem or b) learn to live with the changes. if you can, yay for you.

if you can't, go your separate ways.

people just give up so damned easily nowadays. they refuse to adjust their thinking or change a couple of things to stay with someone they love. in some ways, it's just ridiculously selfish & i think it's sad.

not saying there aren't problems that can't be dealt with. just that one bump in the road isn't enough to just say **** it, i'm outta here.

barg is right

TN, I don't like this avatar though, it's gonna give me a seizure.

obv, but the "value" before was that it's flatout wrong to divorce. I don't see why. Why would you spend time with someone you don't love?

I think this changes slightly if you have kids, because well, you should take a hit for your child.

Let's play a pub game


Name the top 5 experiences of your life (aka fun, fufilling, exciting)

Sure - I just don't see how marriage has anything to do with that. If people want to argue the fact that people have more and shorter relationships in general is bad thats another thing.

Of course I disagree with that too.

specific occasion like "yesterday" or general like "anal"?

Being Estonian.
+4

sorry
i think it fits for a while

Marriage
Kid
Kid
Kid
Vegas

imo there should be LESS marriages because relationships are so easily thrown away now.

I'm about to get on a plane so I don't have time to elaborate but Mac's advice posts are well worth reading and considering carefully IMO.

I'm not saying unmarried relationships aren't tough, but most people view marriage as some end of the road when, in fact, it should be looked upon as the beginning of a different one.

And yeah, the view that you should look to fix it instead of look to find a new one is the correct view, imo. A TV isn't a marriage, if a new model TV comes out and you want it, you get rid of the old one and move on. You don't do that with marriages, and shouldn't do that with relationships, either, imo.

How can't you have "first wolf win" top5?

Nice avatar TheNothing.

1) Witnessing my daughter being born, I was overwhelmed with joy, I can't even explain it
2) Seeing the Montreal Canadians live in the playoffs with my sister
3) Touring the eastern seaboard with my fraternity brothers and seeing the Twin Towers before they collapse but that entire week was great, Boston & Washington were amazing times
4) Visiting Hank Williams Grave last year & seeing his exhibit at the CMHOF and generally just touring the USA last year.
5) Eating at a brazillion barbeque place in NYC when I was doing the mule thing and that entire experience

Who wants to talk to me about something that is politics or sport?

Thanks

It seldom is a new road tho; you marry someone you've been with a long time (usually). Often you've been living together for a while as well. What changes when you marry? Do you love her less the day before the ceremony?

Now getting children is something else.

I'm not suggesting quickly ending relationships as soon as they hit a bump; but I think its immoral, dangerous and backwards to be in a relationship with someone you don't love. Again, with the possible exception of the mother/father of your child.

When making my list, I found I had to generalize it.

This

People look at it like it's just another step in their personal staircase to life or something.

High School -> College -> Fall in love -> Get Married -> Career -> retire -> whatever.

Obv the career/fall in love/get married things are all interchangeable, but most people seem to have some kind of roadmap in their head about what they should do in life, and they think marriage has to be one of them. If marriage has to be one of them, make sure it's with the right person, so you don't have to add divorce and possibly 2nd+ marriage to the map.

i just got really lucky

dated person i thought i'd marry for 3 years just out of hs. didn't work out.

hubs and i were married 6 months after we met. just happened to find the right person.

I agree with paragraph one entirely. I agree with paragraph two except for the last sentence. If someone wants to chose to have disposal relationships, there should be nothing wrong with that.

Marriage isn't for everyone.



But most importantly, I think the most important part of swiitch's post is that marriages should be viewed upon as the beginning of a new road. That is the type of mindset that you need to make it last. Its really the beginning of a lot of hard work if it's going to work.

If you take supine's viewpoint that its just a continuation of a long relationship, your not planning for the pitfalls that your going to experience as a couple. That's where many relationships fail.

You have to be committed to work through your problems. Its more about a commitment than love. If your going to merely rely on love, there's a really good chance, someone is going to fall out of love. But if your committed to making it work, you'll forego the times where you don't feel as much love and work through it because your committed to the road you've chosen.

Mac you should specify a time limit otherwise you will get a bunch of "college", "marriage", "parenthood" responses.

We are having a Marxism hootenanny in the politics thread.

I agree with this tho, or at least the relationship part. I don't necessarily think its bad for an 18yo to think "I will study hard and become a lawyer and partner by 30" - there is problems if he doesn't see other opportunities, but having focus will help him in that specfic target.

With relationships however, I think its bad to plan. :P

kokiri: you waited all this time to change your loc: and that's what you go with?