POG Community Thread

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I got a belt on that's holding up my pants, and the pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's going on here? Who is the real hero?

[ScottHoward v3.1]

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

[ScottHoward v3.1]

You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."

[ScottHoward v3.1]

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, "this is not a library!" "OK! I will talk louder, then!"

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.

[ScottHoward v3.1]

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

[ScottHoward v3.1]

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."

[ScottHoward v3.1]

When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light. And I would hear things that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

[ScottHoward v3.1]

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick."

[ScottHoward v3.1]

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

[ScottHoward v3.1]

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.