UK Pololitics, part three.
Ok, I've covered the gap since last summer, so I can proceed with the current week. Last Thursday was the culmination of the Maybot's bid to secure an enlarged majority to permit 'strong and stable' government, and prevent terrorist sympathiser Corbyn from launching a 'coalition of chaos'. A week before the vote a major polling company had forecast a hung parliament, and my how we lolled at those crazy pollsters.
- The polls closed at 10pm and the BBC/ITV released their 'exit poll'. It predicted a hung parliament.
- The entire UK went mental
- In working class districts in sunderland and newcastle, the vote counters race to release the decision, it takes them about 90 minutes. In snooty Kensington and Chelsea, the count was suspended in the early hours of Friday morning, because the counters were too tired...
- By 7am on Friday it was clear that the Tories would be short of a majority, and would have to find a coalition with the DUP a Northern Irish party
- The DUP website crashed under the weight of mainlanders googling 'Who the hell are the DUP?' (They're a ultra conservative party of protestants who think creationism is fact, sodomy is ungodly, and abortion is murder; they have had loose uncoordinated ties to paramilitary groups)
- The Maybot announces that she's forming a coalition with the DUP. The DUP say hang on, no deal has been struck.
- The Maybot announces that she's forming a coalition with the DUP. The DUP say hang on, no deal has been struck. (Not a typo, it happened for a second time.)
- The Queen's Speech (the official start of parliament) is postponed; people say it's because the goatskin on which the official proclamation is written isn't dry yet. This turns out to be bollocks, it's either because the Queen didn't want to cancel a day at the races, or because the government can't get its **** together to work out what is going to be in the speech.
- The Maybot announces that the DUP will be supporting the Tories in a Confidence & Supply arrangement, rather than a formal coalition. The DUP says, hang on...
- Trump visit to London is postponed
- Rumours over the weekend that 'cabinet members' are pushing Fat Posh Trump to challenge the Maybot for the leadership. Strong suspicion that the 'cabinet members' comprise chiefly Fat Posh Trump Himself
- Gnome faced stab-in-the-back merchant Michael Gove is brought back into the cabinet, as agriculture minister.
- Libdem leader Tim Faron resigns because being leader was incompatible with his faith (trans: he wasn't allowed to be rude about gay people). No one notices.
- Maybot variously being described as 'a dead woman walking', 'zombie PM', having an empathy chip installed, due to be rebooted
- Cliffs: Zombie Maybot is struggling to strike a deal with terrorist sympathisers in order to establish a coalition of non-chaos; it's 1 Week until Brexit negotiations are due to begin, and Fat Posh Trump lurks, biding his time...