The greatest post in 2+2 history

[Tumaterminator]

Originally Posted by Ce1ska

BOSS

His Michigan meltdown thread was actually pretty crappy compared to his other works of art.

Some of the classics:

-flushing cat litter down the toilet
-dealing out a hold'em hand to determine the name of his firstborn (while in the waiting room)
-calling kyleb a cleveland slappy
-phil mickelson

A best of G10 thread is definitely of need. He's one of the few posters who are bigger than the game.

[Bobo Fett]

Originally Posted by Tumaterminator

-flushing cat litter down the toilet

Sounds like something that would not end well.

LDO.

[Tumaterminator]

I'm one lazy sob so I've always just dumped the whole thing of cat litter in the tiolet I have downstairs at my condo. I've done this probably 25-30 times with no problem. Yesterday I did it and you guess it, it didnt go down. I've tried plunging it....scooping water out of the tiolet with buckets....pretty much everything with 0 improvement on the sitluation. Only at the very bottom where the water goes in/out is there actual cat litter. It has to be compacted or something? I dont know.

Any ideas for me to improve the situation would be greatly appreciated...besides killing myself, of course : )

lol at getting rid of the cat because you can no longer dump its litter in the toilet

Thats not really the reason why. There is actually two cats... (my roomates idea to get them and i obv get stuck with them when i have to kick him out because hes a scrub who cannot afford rent)

A boy and a girl both around 6-7 months of age. The boy looks a lot better and is geniunly outgoing and playfull. The girl cat seriously hates people and runs away scared whenever I or anyone else trys to pet her. Shes came up to me wanting to get pet less then once a week since I've had her I'd say.

Anyways I went and bought some gloves so I can get in there and see if I can pull some of that stuff out of there. I dont plan on renting this condo out too much longer so I really hope I can get this solved lol. I dont have any bleach but I'll go get some if itll really help. Thanks.

which led to...

Yes, at 21 I can afford pretty much damn near anything I want. Drive a sick ass Cadillac...Will surely have a net worth of 1 Million+ by the time in 25...have absolutly 0 obligations thus allowing me to travel or do whatever the fk I want basically...but yeah I suck at life because I'm lazy and flushed cat litter down the toilet.

Random trolls ftw.

You suck at life because you think this makes you great at life.

Wait, wait...I thought I sucked at life because I dumped cat litter in a toilet? What, the trolls are changing their story since they were proved wrong? Shocker. For all you know I could of made up everything I just said...but because I said it that is the real reason why I suck at life? lollllz.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/34...roblem-346011/

better thread than G10's postings were, but that is who he is. If he isn't great on any given day, which is rare, everyone around him steps up. His posts/threads in a vacuum are awful but strung together you get this one, random 5-figure bets with his enemies that he won every time, liveblogging the birth of his daughter, greearstrodamus predictions (made a thread about joepa being an embarrassment to football a year before the child rape thing, and some other sports stuff)and so on.

G10 for mod

[KingOfFelt]

.

Originally Posted by ilovethisgame101

This isnt a ranting thread. Something clicked in my head this morning when something I planned did not go my way once again. People tell me just have faith. Im f****** tired of faith. This is cruel. This is cruel punishment being born into a world where your looked at as a number and not s***. Where you grow up not knowing your history because it was wiped out. Not knowing your family because yoru family tree was wiped out. Being born into a system that treats you like s*** and brainwashes you. Not being in control of anything around you. Im getting f***** tired of faith. Why is it always the people with faith who struggle at the bottom while the rich and wealthy create their future.


Today I say my futures in my hands and I control this s***. F everybody I want mines and I am going to die trying to get this s***. People go through everyday life hanging on a thread. Im tired of hanging on. IM not trying to survive anymore. I want my future back since I was tortured in the past when I wasnt even taught to think as a youth.

Im angry at the world. At God. At everything. I want my own life to be controlled by me. Not anything or anyone
Anybody ever go through the same stuff I am right now? IM just tired of the world.

First response:

Originally Posted by Limesparks

counterstrike froze up again eh

[Count Chocula]

other cool posts in that thread

Originally Posted by LFS

inline poop not ok

[Mike Haven]

The ultimate proof of riggedness:

Originally Posted by kingofqueens

I was just showign someone right now. I said this is a admin worker who took over a losing account. This was on merge network. I said i bet i will lose i can just tell by how i am missing every single board. I finally qq flop comes 4 8 4 i said he has a 4 i bet. Its a set to stack me off early in the match. I bet he raises im all in he calls he has 9 4. My friend said oh lucky guess. I said man you dont see whats going on? People are just clueless to wahts going on. AFter seeing this happen so many times its to the point you just know somethigns not right. Top pair and over pairs constantly bad beat. I rarely bad beat anyone if ever. Its non stop bad beats. And i watch other regs. Its only set up against american players. Its part of why i think the government tried to shut it all down. They were noticing these companies located in other countries were cleaning out americans. Until this gets regulated and everything is checked out to make sure this is fair. It is 100 percent unfair game. I am a winning player but im not winning like i should. the first hr i constantly lose untilt he 2nd hr after they won a ton of rake then i start winning. Its one big set up to clean out americans. They think we don't know whats going on but i play less and less every day i went back to the casino. At least i get a fair game at the casino. The odds are against you. The players winning are from other countries and if there in this country they are workers for the site.

and if do you want to play do not paly big money play small money and for fun you will not win the higher you go up. Its a big set up to bust americans.

[Jah Onion]

amazing pwnage
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...3&postcount=92

[timeforheroes]

Phil Galfond giving advice to someone down on his luck and showing that just because you are super-smart intellectually doesn't mean you can't be super-smart about life. Amazing post. Best post on these forums AINEC. I would paste it here but it's pretty big.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...&postcount=143

[tremblingco]

I deserve the free copy because I used to know a bear named Bobo.

Bobo led an interesting life. He was born to Bertha and Ivan, two free-range bears deep in the Russian wilderness. His cubhood was ideal: playing with his brothers, brutally slaughtering innocent fish, and running around joyously. This joy was not to last. One day, while Bobo was roaming through the woods with his brother Tigarancus, a group of drunken Russian poachers attacked them. Tigarancus tripped Bobo, said “So long, loser,” and ran away. Bobo, his heart broken, was taken away in a net. He was soon sold to a circus.

Bobo immediately began to undergo rigorous training. He was forced to run 5 miles a day, and lifted weights 5 days a week. His previous girly frame was soon transformed into that of a strapping young cub. His sex appeal now up to an appropriate level, Bobo was taught to ride a bike. He struggled at first, constantly falling over. Soon, however, he got the hang of it and was riding with no hands. After 2 years of training, Bobo was finally unveiled to the crowds. Everyone loved him; he soon became a huge star, making the rounds through the Russian talk show circuit (he even made an appearance on the hit shows “Boris O’Brien” and “Oprahchinovi.”).

This honeymoon was not to last. One day a small, rat like child attempted to touch Bobo during a show. As a huge star, Bobo did not allow the unwashed masses to fondle his beautiful skin. Thus, he promptly tore the child’s arm off. For some reason this behavior was deemed unacceptable, and Bobo was sentenced to death. Due to his previously unmentioned ability to understand human speech, Bobo decided to make an escape. He tore out the jugular of the night watchman (a father of 4) and also killed the janitor for good measure (loving grandfather). His fur stained red, Bobo made his escape into the dark Russian night.

Finally free, Bobo only had one thing in mind: revenge. Tigarancus had to pay. And pay dearly. Very dearly. Very. So he took off back to his home, hitchhiking when possible (and brutally killing each driver after he was dropped off). He finally made it back to his forest, only to discover that Tigarancus was a powerful Bearfia boss and that he has murdered Bertha and Ivan. This would make things more difficult for Bobo, but he had a plan. This plan involved killing all of Tigarancus’ underlings. This was completed swiftly, leading to a final one on one showdown.

Bobo charged Tigarancus, but was knocked down with a Shoryuken uppercut. A retaliatory sonic boom gave Bobo the upper hand, and he finished Tigarancus off with a viscous claw thrust to the throat, spraying blood everywhere. A babality followed, and Bobo was victorious. Yes, thought Bobo, I am victorious. I am awesome and powerful and unstoppable. He was then shot by a hunter. Lying on the ground, he made one final request: please give DM34 a free copy of a pattern map for Party Poker.

Please make his wish come true.

[diddy!]

Read this in the OOT Depression thread this morning, and it was a hell of a jaw-dropper.

Originally Posted by JJones

First post on 2+2. No pressure.

I've read all of your responses and I can relate.

I'm extremely self-destructive but I've never attempted suicide.

For example: Last night I donated $1000 (10 buy-ins at $1-$2 Live) by going all in in the dark, betting in the dark, calling off half my stack with gutshots and missing, -ev bluffs with air and 0 fold equity .. Huge degenerate. I'm not complaining or seeking sympathy because I do this all the time and I enjoyed cracking jokes and throwing a party. Not so much enjoying being broke this morning though.

Cool Story Bro: I attempted to put everything I had in to getting a girl I fell for at work to like me. (Made the mistake of asking her out, getting turned down, then asking her best friend out a week later.)

To counter this and apologize by doing WAY too much I spent over 3-years writing love songs, sending her messages, and basically stalking her over the internet. (But I'm convinced she was subtle in responding to the love songs because I'm not a "terrible" musician and they were kind of cute in a pathetic way.) All I'm saying is if someone is making you one love song a day your going to pay attention after the 50th one or so.

P.S. I gave her 15 of the songs I made for christmas and hand wrote out the lyrics etc. and she gave me a weeks payed vacation by saying the word "restraining order."

I msged her on FB after work and she "told me" she threw it away after I told her I couldn't take it back because she had the rights to all the songs.

Anyway, after being suspended for a week at work, I was brought in to speak to the boss and allowed to keep my job somehow. (This was the 2nd time I was called in to the office for harassing her. He litterally said: "I'm not trying to play God...I'm not a therapist but I don't think your an axe murderer..if I was her father.." And then he ended it all with "I think you'll do good here. " )

I asked him to ask her if she wanted me to quit but he didn't get around to it.

-que dark lighting- I'll never forget how she looked at me as she flew up those flight of stairs, or when I passed her in the hallway. My boss had told me I wasn't allowed to speak to her so I kept my mouth shut. Not because I was afraid of losing my job but out of respect for her. I quit the next day before she got there.

I then proceeded to make three more albums for her.

Christmas the following year she took off all the privacy settings on her facebook and put up responses to my shenangigans. +EV responses. But I was too much of a donkey to go get her right then. I let time go by, I was unable to continue to record songs for her, she lost interest or thought I did, and she was gone - again.

I threw everything away, deleted everything, asked her to block me and set myself on fire.

It was awesome. DDDD

I'd do it again if I could.

[kevmode]

insane post^^^

[Gonso]

not the greatest 2+2 post by a long shot, but personal best was the fake Barry book signing. good times

[CocteauTwin]

Originally Posted by starvingwriter82

Two more levels down and we can achieve tardception.... I assume that was the goal?

I vote this

[AllBlackDan]

ufo123
banned
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 172 Poker room staff calls security because I was "not polite" (or was it?)

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So here's what happened. I was at the local cardroom and one of the staff members, off duty, had some halloween leftover candy. So I go "hey gimme some candy!", all smiles and fun. Now before I continue I want you to know that I have been a regular client at the place for over 5 years, also the time that I had known the girl working there and we usually joke around casually.

So she goes to me "you don't say please?" and I play along like "ok MOMMY, Please.". I could have sworn that she was joking.

Next thing I know, the security guard calls me to the corner and gives me a warning about not being respectful to the staff. I tell him right away that I was not being disrespectful and that that's just the way I talk to friends. He was not the kind of person that usually gets upset over anything but he was very AGGRESSIVE that time. Like he was standing inches from my face, raising his voice and telling me that he's about to throw me out on the street.

Now here's the interesting part:

They had a tournament tonight that was a $175 buy-in with a prize pool of over $4K guaranteed. All it required was a minimum of 10 players. We were 3 with about 10 minutes to go. So I go to the 1/2 table and try to convince people to join the tourney. I mean think about it, $175*10 = $1750. Think about the overlay. It surprised me that most people were not interested in playing and chose to short-stack the 1/2 instead.

I was even going to cover a chunk of their buy-ins but at the end we were able to put the players together. 16 of them in fact.

Now I'd like to think that the security guard was not upset at me for trying to get a +EV tournament going (as advertised). But I find it hard to believe that asking a staff member off-duty that I had known for 5 years for candy without saying "please" got him to act as if I had threatened someone's life.

Cliffs:

-$175, $4K guaranteed about to get canceled due to lack of players.
-An overlay of almost $3K was enough to make a effort to get it going so I tried to get cash players to sign up.
-The tourney takes place (barely, at game time on the dot) upon players insisting.
-I casually ask a staff member for some leftover candy and all hell breaks loose.

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Last edited by ufo123; 11-23-2010 at 04:48 PM.

11-23-2010, 04:39 PM #2
SrslySirius
2+2 Auto-Tuned

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: @SrslySirius
Posts: 1,402 Re: Poker room staff calls security because I was "not polite" (or was it?)

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This wasn't about candy or politeness. The staff at the cardroom have never liked you very much. They've gritted their teeth and smiled when you made stupid jokes and behaved like a fool, brushed it off when you've been rude, and politely tolerated you.

Meanwhile, you have completely failed to recognize any of it. You are socially awkward and painfully self-unaware. You think these people are your friends. You are unable to see and understand how people perceive you. Nobody at the cardroom likes you, especially not the 1/2 regs that you harassed.

Today was a tipping point. They grew tired of putting on the facade and putting up with you. Sure, their reasons in this case were trivial. But as I said, it was never about the candy. It's about you.




Srslys' 1st in thread reply is the goat in BBV imo

[Dudd]

Originally Posted by Abe Lincoln

When first came the news of Cardo's banning, we old grey heads in the Hall of Patriots shivered, for we felt the ghost of Old John Brown go by.

The case is a familiar one, for as was the banning of the one, so was the hanging of the other. Many deplored the sentence. Many more deplored the man. All knew, in their private hearts, that the condemned ultimately stood on the right side of history.

The sun will go on rising and setting over this broad and troubled land. In a future yet unknown to us, there will yet be little children, set weeping before their mothers, their fathers, their teachers, to know that, just as men were once denied the bread which their own hands earned, so too were men once permitted to be execrably bad at the Internet, with out even so much as censure, yet alone consequence. They will strain in vain to understand the crimes of their forefathers, and the stain upon their guilty land, which like so many black infamies of ages past, could be purged only in blood.

Then they shall, each in their times, gather under the spires and domes of the first city of their Republic, and feel their hearts lift free of doubt, to see standing over them Cardo, his image cast in shining marble, like that of Mister Jefferson and myself, a beacon unto ages yet unborn, with his great sword called ******slayer, and his keyboard buckler. And they shall gaze up into the faces of their fathers, and ask - Was he real? And they shall be told, Oh no, child, no. But he knew what Realness was.

I don't think it's particularly close