I bet nobody starts acting all condescending around them and says "Man that job sucks." or "You must not have a wife because you're so dirty all the time."

Just like I don't tell 9-5ers "Your entire existence is miserable isn't it?"

People think i'm lazy just because I don't have a "real job" and that I rarely get up until the afternoon.

They're right.

Last week, the most amazing thing happened.

My brother in-law, father in-law, and my sister in-law were all playing poker. All of these people play poker with friends and in the casino on a semi-regular basis, yet still believe that the game is all luck. My sister in-law's husband came over and asked what we were doing.

Long story short, he likes the game and ends up coming over for a home game. After the home game, he essentially expressed to me several concepts from the Theory of Poker. He said something to the effect of, "I see how you could make money in this game since in the long run, the better starting hands will make better hands, and if your opponents make mistakes, you profit."

It was pretty surreal. Especially since even a lot of the "smart" people I know dismiss poker as just another casino game.

Your mom is his roommate's gf?

Variance??

I actually had the opposite of the "losses" question from my loan officer.

Loan officer: These are the loans available, I recommend this one because it has the lowest interest rate.

Me: It looks like it's only available if your income is below a certain amount because it's a state program?

Her: Yeah, but you're below it, even including your poker income

Me: Is it based off gross or net income?

Her: Gross

Me: Then we won't qualify. The way taxes have to be filed on the poker winnings is that I report all the gross winnings and then itemize all the losses as deductions.

Her: I don't think that will be a problem.

Me: No, see, if I make 50k at poker this year, I'll have to report something like 300k winnings and itemize 250k in losses as deductions.

Her: You have losses?????

me too. i think most of 2+2ers think i'm a losing player. hahaha

fyp

"Are you the teacher that went on the World Poker Tour?"

Them: Have you ever had a Royal Flush
You: Yeah
Them: WOW! You must be really good!

I get that a lot. I'm also apparently a degenerate gambler who spends all his student loan money on poker.

Tell them: "Yes I count cards. But every time I get 52."

that's because you are, fish

Last night I was talking to a guy who had a home game from a few years ago. I mentioned that I'm playing 400NL and how my friends play 40/80 at the bellagio and some have played as high as 1k/2k.

Next part of the conversation goes like this.

Him: "Yeah that's crazy. Highest I ever played was like... 20/40... and it was only for a little bit."
Me: "Oh yeah? You bought in for like 1k or something?"
Him: "Uh.. yeah, but then I stopped."
Me: "Yeah, you need like 12k to play that right"
Him: "...yeah, it's crazy."

I get tired of these broke ass kids thinking they're baller because they play cards with their buddies.

A Phone Call with a Friend

Him: What are you up to?
Me: Just poker.
Him: Thought so. Are you at profitable tables?
My wife: NO, DOOFUS, HE'S JUST AN AS<font color="white"></font>SHOLE WHO FIGURED WE HAD WAY TOO MUCH MONEY SO HE SAT DOWN HOPING TO LOSE SOME OF IT TONIGHT

&lt;3 speakerphone

Your wife kicks ass.

Best thread ever.

I suck at golf but I was betting $250 a side getting 9 strokes a side. She called me on hole number 8 and asked what I was doing and I told her I was losing our son's college fund getting 9 a side for 250.

Her reply was,"at 9 a side all she can tell me to do is to double the bet and quit [censored] around"

She doesnt gamble at all but has lived with me for 20 years. She has finnaly figured it out.

Yesterday I was talking to some people at the beach.

The dumb dude was 1st. I 2nd

What do you do for a living...
internet business

What Kind...
ecommerce

So what exactly do you do...
I play Poker (mistake #1)

You actually WIN money...
yep.

You know what the secret is to poker....
Nope

You gotta play good hands and stare into peoples eyes so you know what thye have.....
Thats not it at all

I am REALLY good at Poker I won like $70 in the casino the other day....
(probably a mistake)...I made $3500 in 3 hrs today.

REALLY...
yeah.

I think I went and talked to someone else after that.

I think you blew this. You should have asked him to elaborate.

OH man, i HATE this one the most. The question confuses me and I don't understand what the hell is going on in their confused little minds:

friend: "how much did you make today?"
me: "about $450"
friend: "yea, but did you lose any?????"
me: "uhh...what? I said I made about $450. NET."
friend: "yea, but did you LOSE any!??!?!"
me: "I don't get the question. I said I netted $450, wtf?"
friend: he must have lost a lot...poor guy. too bad he can't play like I did at our last home game. I always hit that third seven.

Yep. Standard. What you have to do then is just say, "Fine. I won $500 and lost $50. Does that make you happy?" Then you kick them in the shin.

I have gotten this before. A variation is:
him: have you ever gotten a royal flush before.
me: yes
him: wow, you must play ALOT
me: you only have to play at least 1 hand to get a royal flush

book smarts and actual intelligence is more different than black and white.

preaching to the choir

wait, when we met you WERE a big black guy! ...was I that drunk?