In a cash-game, when your opponent offers you a high five/hand-shake after knocking you out in an All-In pot. Are you kidding me? In what world is that appropriate? Get your hand out of my face >____>

I have seen the handshake but never the high five in the 17yrs I've been playing, but it would definitely piss me off.

I hate degens who are pissed off at EVERY single hand that they don't win, no matter how good they're running overall. Last weekend I was constantly busting and paying this one loser to the point where he had run up 400 to like almost 2 grand and he was still pissing and complaining every time he busted. Stfu you dumb drunk loser.

people who aren't satisfied with my reaction to winning, or losing.

I was recently in a casino and towards the end of the night I was stuck around 3k (was purely a pit excursion no poker) and I had my case money on a roulette table. I had $10 on the 14 and $1 on every edge and corner. The ball landed on 14 and I was completely stoic as I had just won 450 but was still stuck 2550 and clearly just waiting to lose the rest so I could leave, when this ****ing dumb Asian **** started to berate me for not being excited and for not tipping the dealer (I didn't tip in $1 chips as I immediately asked for a color up to go back to craps). Well, I freaked the **** out on this bitch, tossed the dealer a green, lost the rest of my money on craps, and went home and got drunk.

It took everything I had not to punch her in the ****ing face

i don't play in the pit games, but I can relate to this too. There was a hand of poker I played recently where I got it in pre-flop as a 15% underdog. I happened to have got lucky and sucked out, but I didn't bat an eyelid. Then one of the other players who wasn't involved in the hand (amazed by my lack of reaction) said something to me like, "if you were HIM and YOU got sucked out on, you'd probably go ballistic!" His tone of voice made me think he was somewhat frustrated. I tried to explain to him that I experience bad-beats just as much as the next player and I've grown accustomed to it, but he still wasn't satisfied that I neglected to show my happiness for winning the hand more openly.

There was another hand where my set got cracked by a back-door flush draw, and when my opponent showed me the bad news, (without throwing a hissy-fit) I just counted the money I owed him from my stack and put it towards the dealer. Again, a player on the table who wasn't in the hand rolled his eyes and said in a scornful tone, "you took that awfully well". I think people just really love to see drama and emotional outbursts on the table. But when you experience being on the winning and losing end of a suck-out time after time, you just become immune to those emotional swings. I don't get tilted when people aren't satisfied with my reaction to winning/losing. But I do find it interesting that they want so badly to see some kind of blow-up or meltdown xDDD

So much this. I can take a horrific beat and not say a word. Then people get all in my face for not reacting. Like stfu gfy

Any sort of strategy talk at the table. Strategy talk from good regs is annoying for obvious reasons. Fish strategy talk is fine but can be pretty tilting if you're losing and they keep telling you what "mistakes" you're making.

"Just wanted to see a flop" - says the guy calling off 1/2 of his stack pre with 9To
"Had to see where I was at" - guy who 5x raises you on the driest flop with second pair. Then when I just call/call/call with a set he acts super surprised when he loses at showdown.
"Dude just bet half your stack instead of going all in, that way you can still fold!" - guy talking to me when I have 10bb in a tourney and have been shoving liberally
"Don't overplay your draws like that man" - after getting it in with 19 outs.

Also had this one reg basically point out everything a fish was doing wrong to the table. "Oh look he's playing too loose". "Wow, he's limping too much". Yeah, thanks alot man. Why not just create a machine that programs GTO poker into the fish's brain for next time?

The showdown should take a few seconds in a holdem game, right? Not so where I play. Especially multiway, these tards love to declare their hand but not table it in case they're beat. It creates such a silly situation where people wait way too long to table/muck because NOONE IS FREAKING TABLING. Then, if heads up, guys seem to take forever to muck even when shown a winner. Why?

Patience young grasshopper.

Seeing a guy not wash his hands after a piss & turns out he's sat at my table

People who get a few of the larger chips in play in a tournament and then basically set them aside and start only playing with their smaller denomination chips. Like they think they need to hold onto their most valuable chips for some reason.

Did he wash first?

Because after handling chips and cards for a little while my hands are dirtier than my dick. Always wash first, then maybe also after.

Anyone who buys in for <50 BBs, then proceeds to play ultra nitty for 2 hours. Somehow after clearly demonstrating that he's a complete tight was who is playing a cash game like a tournament, he ends up getting his 40BB stack in 3way, winning the main pot(cause there's always a side pot on top of his shallow action, then immediately grabbing his rack for the hit n run act.

Any monkey who makes 2 big calls with a hand like middle pair and a gutter, commiting 70% of his stack, and then hits the river. He gets all in for his crumbs and doubles up. Then proceeds to explain how "he knew that if he hit, he'd get paid off". Well no ****ing ****!

Anyone who locks up a seat in the game, then immediately gets a dinner pass or heads to the craps table. WTF were you doing for the 30 minutes you've been waiting to get on the game?? You couldn't do that **** while you were waiting?

Wives or girlfriends who show up and sit with their monkey husband/boyfriend. All of a sudden he's playing über tight while she watches. Bitch, get the F outta here!

Anyone who cheers, slaps their hands, or breaks into celebration after winning a pot. If doubling up was that big of a deal for you, you're probably playing too high for your bankroll.

Super nits who have no life and play 40 hour sessions, only to be sleeping between every hand. Go home you f*cking junkie.

Fat mofos who totally spill over into my space. Maybe you need a new hobby that doesn't involve sitting you walking heart attack.

Anyone who preaches to a monkey. Don't tap the glass you dumb ass

This. There's not a chip in the casino cleaner than my junk, 2 days after sex with no shower.

[QUOTE=Shiptacular;44146514

Anyone who cheers, slaps their hands, or breaks into celebration after winning a pot. If doubling up was that big of a deal for you, you're probably playing too high for your bankroll.

[/QUOTE]

...except Bobby Cheung, of course.

Yeah agree with washing first, doesn't mean I want to touch his dick contaminated chips though

Doesn't tilt me, but I have seen many players get tilted by guys who constantly go outside to smoke. They complain to the dealer and the card room manager, and then that tilts me.

People who bitch about straddlers. I love guys who come in and straddle every hand. People who bitch about tilt me, and I just want to grind their nit faces into the felt.

The table professor. This is the nit who plays less than one hand an orbit. What he does do however is comment on all the huge hands and calculate odds. Aces verse kings, both flop sets, the guy figures the percentage of me getting beat by that 4th king and invariably it comes. Either that or he gives the mathematical recap after the hand and tells me that the guy who beat was only x% and it was a bad beat.

The guy with Tourette's who gets major tics whenever he is in a big hand. That **** tilts me.

The guy who is always broke and wants to "borrow" money. That doesn't bother me so much as him sitting right behind me and jinxing me into some bad beats. Please take ur broke ass elsewhere.

My wife texting me to see how much longer I will be
That's always a guaranteed tilting of at least 30-50
BB.

Sir, you're touching EVERYONE's dick contaminated chips.

when foxwoods first opened up you could smoke at the poker table..you had old guys smoking cigars and endless chainsmokers.of course you had dudes with mini fans blowing smoke away from them into other peoples faces..needless to say i saw i few fights

fish who bet 10 bucks on each street, and you get value towned with middle pair because by the river you're getting 6:1

GRIPING ABOUT A FOLD> STFU I WANT TO <fidstar edit>send you some pretty flowers</fidstar edit> . ****ING CALL AND CRY OR FOLD AND STFU

+1 ON MY OWN **** CUZ IM RIGHT **** YOU

[x] **** YOU

AND THAT IS ****ING HILARIOUS

So, you cant smoke at poker tables anymore? Is that still poker? inb4 they ban booze too and make it gheyker.

You haven't been able to smoke in most poker rooms for over a decade man how are u just learning about this?

welcome to the 21st century! Seriously where have you been?