I just tried one of my own. I sent one to FTP an done to stars
So there has been a general consensus on the utter badass-ness of Chuck Norris. Like the fact that when Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised. Now I have been rolling a few questions over and over in my mind and I can not seem to come to a good answer. So I decided that I would e-mail the intensley intelligent and helpful support to get a answer my questions:

1) Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or Jesus?

2) If Chuck Norris fought incurable cancer would he win? If so how is that possible?

3) Where do babies come from?


Your speedy response is appreciated as I do not feel I can live peacefully until I figure these out.



Hopefully I will get some good repsonses

definition of irony

you are the king of dumb!

Yeah because chuck norris jokes are soooo in fashion right now.

FTP Reply;

Hello Jeff,

Thank you for contacting Full Tilt Poker Support.

Jeff, typically when players write in asking who win would a fight
between Chuck Norris and Jesus, we send them our standard "Who would win
between Chuck Norris and Jesus" form letter. However, I sensed a
special something about your email. You seem like the kind of poker
champion who wouldn't accept such a cut and paste answer, so on that
note, I have prepared the following freehanded email for you:

There are many factors that would effect any kind of outcome in this
type of one on one battle, Jeff. Clearly, it's a difficult prediction
to make. However, I believe that Jesus would gain the upper hand with
his quick thinking and heavenly nunchucks; and I'm not even taking into
consideration the prospect of holy hand grenades.

On the other hand, Chuck does have many mystical powers of his own,
including (but not limited to) heat vision, impenetrable sense of
smugness, and the ability to fry an egg using only a frying pan and a
stove.

I think the first round would go to Jesus right off the bat, with a
possible second round victory for Norris. But I believe the third round
would be an undisputed knock out from Jesus, showing Chuck (not to
mention Tony Danza and Bruce Springsteen) once and for all who the boss
truly is.

As for your second question; sadly, in many countries Chuck Norris is
considered the living embodiment of incurable cancer, and as such, would
cause a stalemate if this battle were to ever take place.

With regard to your final question; babies come from hospitals, after
doctors give permission. See, first the lady doesn't feel very well in
the mornings, so she goes to see a doctor. When she comes home, she
announces "The doctor says I'm pregnant!"
Later, after lots of painting of nurseries and buying of stuffed
animals, the lady goes to the hospital to pick up the baby. After that,
nobody gets a lot of sleep, but they all seem pretty happy anyway.

I hope this helps you sleep at night, Jeff. We appreciate your taking
the time to ask us these very important questions.

If there is anything else we can assist you with, please let us know.

Regards,

Derrick
Full Tilt Poker Support

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Please remember never to give out your password or enter
account details over the Internet. Full Tilt Poker staff will
never ask you for your password. For your security, always
keep this information a secret.

Learn, Chat, and Play with the Pros at Full Tilt Poker
----------------------------------------------------------------------


Original Message Follows:
------------------------
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1

So there has been a general consensus on the utter badass-ness of
Chuck Norris. Like the fact that when Chuck Norris jumps in a pool
he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised. Now I have been
rolling a few questions over and over in my mind and I can not seem
to come to a good answer. So I decided that I would e-mail the
intensley intelligent and helpful support to get a answer my
questions:

1) Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris or Jesus?

2) If Chuck Norris fought incurable cancer would he win?

3) Where do babies come from?


Your speedy response is appreciated as I do not feel I can live
peacefully until I figure these out.

You whats ****ed up about this. Is that this email repsonse took three hours and it took the ****s almost a week to fix my account when the locked it.

yeah i caught that after i sent it off. sorry i ams the stpuider personss

I lol'ed.

[ ]FTP support has teh correct priorities
[x]Thread still funny as hell

They just can't win with you, can they?

Am I the only one who kinda wants to buy the Stars jacket guy a beer?

I am leaving my job at PokerStars at the end of this month. I worked in Support for two years before being promoted/demoted/however you want to look at it. You kind of get hardened against funny mails eventually - they're entertaining, but you don't wanna save them anymore. Here's one I liked - infact, I'll put it in a fresh post as it's hard to format otherwise

>From: "PokerStars Support" <support@pokerstars.com>
>To:
>Subject: Your Age
>Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2005 03:59:47 -0500

>
>Hello Tom,
>

>We have recently observed your chat in which you claim that you are
>only 13 years old. The minimum age requirement to play on
>PokerStars is 18 years of age. PokerStars treats such cha (SNIP)


Sorry, but i did not said i was 13, maybe it was a burglar or something, but i am 18 almost 19 so taht is not possible

This took me two hours to find earlier today. Sorry for the crap leading up to the payoff, but it's worth it... Replies in the buildup are me, last reply is from a guy who has unsurprisingly been promoted since. The player didn't reply.



>>----- Original Message -----
>>From:
>>Sent: 2006/03/09 10:39:15
>>To: support@pokerstars.com
>>Subject: RE: complaint


>> >hello again!
>> >
>> >thankyou for your quick response!
>> >
>> >im glad to hear that you have a policy of not employing french people-
>>does this extend to other parts of Europe too?
>> >
>> >id also like to point out that my phone number isnt in the address book-
I
>>am X-Directory by choice! it all stems back to an incident in 2003 when I
>>was being stalked by George Michael- he kept ringing my house at all hours
>>singing Wham! hits- and first I got my funky groove on but after a few
>>thousand calls it started to get really annoying. You haven't experienced
>>hell until you've been woken up at 4am by Club Tropicana!
>> >
>> >Since then I have kind of been obsessed with making sure all my details
>>are kept private- and i can't hear a George Michael song without wanting
to
>>hit someone! this has got me in trouble a few times.
>> >
>> >But i am glad you care about your customers privacy and i apologise if
>>these emails have unecessarily wasted ur no doubt precious time.
>> >
>> >ur new pal
>> >
>> >Ed


>From: "PokerStars Support" <support@pokerstars.com>
>To:
>Subject: RE: complaint
>Date: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 10:47:02 -0500


>>Hello Ed,
>>
>>I'm afraid we employ several Europeans, including myself. Whilst we don't
>>technically have a policy of not hiring French people, by happy
coincidence
>>it just hasn't happened yet.
>>
>>I'm also glad to say that there are no George Michael fans here, and even
>>though this office is located in the same city as him, we will not give in
>>to any of his pressure to release your contact details should you create
an
>>account on our site.
>>
>>There is no need to apologise about using our time - our job includes
>>replying to emails from current and prospective players, we are happy to
>>help you out.
>>
>>
>>Best regards,
>>
>>Andrew
>>PokerStars Support Team


----- Original Message -----
From:
Sent: 2006/03/09 11:44:19
To: support@pokerstars.com
Subject: RE: complaint

>
>
>Hello again Andy!
>
>Like yourself, I am also from old Blighty!
>
>I am glad to hear that should any aging pop stars contact you requesting
my personal details you would put my privacy before their million dollar
voices. Especially George Michael- i mean come on! hes been rubbish since
Wham! split up- except for Faith i spose but that wasnt even his song was
it? I am probably just scarred from the mental torture i have received down
the dog and bone at all hours from Georgey Michael so if you are a fan i do
apologise!
>
>anyway my mate Mitin says hi- he is also thinking of registering with
pokerstars.com and would like to know if he gets any bonus if i recommend
him?
>
>regards
>
>Ed


Hello,

Well I guess it would be nice
If I could give your friend a bonus
I know not everybody
Has made a deposit like him

But I've got to think twice
Before I give our money away
And I know all the games he plays
Because you play them too

Before this bonus
Comes a bonus offer
Before he throws his money in the site

Oh player I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to play here
But he'll wait for something more

Yes he's gotta have faith..there will be a bonus offer in the near future.

Regards,

George
PokerStars Support Team

Question:

Was the Support guy's name really "George", or did he sign it ironically?

Or...

Does George Michael work for Poker Stars?!?!

You don't hear comeback stories about him anymore do you?

This might be the best thread ever......

I wanna work for PS Support.

I PS

פסח שמח לכולם

Could you send me some personal
things from some members of your team like a used sock, some underwear,
used toiletpaper or atleast a picture I can worship to?

lol

Oh player I reconsider.................



lmao

This thread wins life

The one-legged gay midget one was my favorite.

link pls

I eagerly await a response.