Live from Hollywood, it's the Natamus AMA!
11-15-2016
, 03:11 AM
11-15-2016
, 03:20 AM
1. Okay so when I describe it as a 6 bedroom house it sounds like I was in a mansion and choose to couch bunk with Katy in my friends room while other spaces went unoccupied. Each room had 2-3 guys living in it including two in the den/family room. So privacy was never going to happen. Also everyone was smashed and it was like after 3am everyone was looking for comfy places to chat and pass out.
I'll also say this (and sound like a giant douche) while Katy is a very beautiful girl, I banged two girls who looked like her in SB one who I dated for a while. She would of been a great story for my memory but she may not of even been the hottest girl i would have hooked up with in SB.
2. I have a couple of recorded ones, they are about 9-10 months shy of when I was at my strongest with that material. I'll consider giving you guys one from the Comedy Store main room.
12-15-2016
, 09:00 PM
Quote:
sooo...bump for promised Comedy Store set?
Really sad I missed this as it was going on, awesome thread.
If you wouldn't mind talking a little bit about:
When pitching a script, presumably to a producer who will then take it to a studio or whatever, do you have any thoughts on what to do/not do in regards to being noticed? I have to imagine a lot of the work is already being connected enough to get a meeting, but these guys must turn down like 99% of ideas and scripts.
Thoughts on the same sort of concepts showing up consistently (i.e. zombies) and how you might go about transforming something popular like this into something more interesting and not so cliche?
Really sad I missed this as it was going on, awesome thread.
If you wouldn't mind talking a little bit about:
When pitching a script, presumably to a producer who will then take it to a studio or whatever, do you have any thoughts on what to do/not do in regards to being noticed? I have to imagine a lot of the work is already being connected enough to get a meeting, but these guys must turn down like 99% of ideas and scripts.
Thoughts on the same sort of concepts showing up consistently (i.e. zombies) and how you might go about transforming something popular like this into something more interesting and not so cliche?
As for your questions:
1. The pitching process is very different when you have representation (a manager or agent) vs. when you do not have one. When you have a manager or agent you send everything to them, they read it and then send it out to financing producers and studio-attached producers and try to get you general meetings with these people to talk about the project in person.
If and when you get to the meeting part, what many people don't realize or forget is that you already have their interest, otherwise they'd never waste their time meeting you, the job is now to make yourself an attractive person to work with. Think of it like this as a comedy writer pitching a buddy comedy: this producer could just call up Happy Madison, get one of Sandler's friends or nephew's scripts, make the piece of crap for a few million and likely at least break even; yet they are interested in your project. Therefore you don't need to sell your script, you need to sell yourself.
I've said it in the thread before, being likeable/charismatic is an invaluable currency in Hollywood and being unlikeable or difficult to work with is a career killer. Chris Titus was the fast rising star in Hollywood comedy a decade ago until he lashed out on the set of his very popular sitcom and called one of the female Fox execs in charge of his show a C U Next Tuesday...
Not having a manager or agent just makes the above significantly harder but far from impossible.
As for trends in shows such as zombies or vampires or whatever, it is what it is and especially in horror/suspense genres. I found the Vampire trend particularly annoying last cycle. It was all about woman with low self-esteem fantasizing about being railed by some superhuman or human/monster hybrids with ripped abs and soft cheeks.
As far as attempting to write something unique out of something popular during a trend cycle I think I'm probably not a great person to answer how to accomplish this; because if I was I would of pulled it off by now!
But to be more serious I think the best way to go about it is to watch and study the work of those who have already accomplished this. Although to be fair that's my answer for many creative things in film and television: if you want to do things similar to Scorsese or Tarantino or Michael Bay or John Favrau, study them and then emulate with your own interpretation
Last edited by Natamus; 12-15-2016 at 09:11 PM.
12-26-2016
, 06:21 AM
Goomer Empire Part 1
In Winter/Spring of 2006 I was living directly on the north east corner of Sabado Tarde and Camino Pascadero in Isla Vista, CA. I lived with 3 other guys in a small 2 bedroom apartment, 2 Indian guys and an Armenian. These guys all came from hardworking but well off immigrant families and they all believed in a mans right to hustle out of his own home. This is important because it allowed me the freedom and security to do things I shouldn't have done.
It started like any bad, irresponsible drug dealing operation: my budget didn't allow for me to buy weed and my school, sports and social life obligations prevented me from getting a part time job; therefore I started selling weed to some of my neighbors. The market was very saturated however and so I soon was smoking more than I had budget into my profit margin to be able to smoke. However so was my supplier, Mouse.
So we got together with a mutual childhood friend, Moses, who was looking for some help making a run to Northern California. They told me that the plan was to go to Santa Cruz, meet up with a childhood friend of Moses' from Ventura or Santa Barbara (I don't remember now) and get a few lbs of Magic Mushrooms aka Goomers. Mouse and I would then do the distribution in Isla Vista where there was a high demand but extremely low supply of Goomers. Moses would put up the seed money and Mouse and I would get to keep a good share of the profits after we reimbursed Moses for our shares. Mouse and I would each drive our cars up to Santa Cruz instead of all of us traveling together figuring we were safer from being pulled over driving in a pair with the cargo split up than all together with the goods and any money on hand.
I wake up the day we're suppose to leave, brush my teeth, eat a weed cookie, throw it up immediately due to anxiety, brush my teeth again, get a breakfast burrito from Super Cuccas and head over to Mouse's where we are all meeting before leaving. When I show up I don't knock I just proceed in the unlocked door (this was common practice amongst friends in Isla Vista) and head to his room where I find him and Moses frantically attempting to clean up spilled cocaine back into a baggie.
"What the **** are you two doing?"
"Are you serious? We're cleaning up the coke Mouse spilled what the **** does it look like we're doing?"
"What? What happened?"
"I told him to double baggie it and he didn't and the baggie got a hole in one of the corners."
They had lost nearly half of what they said was 3 oz. I thought this was for their personal use on the trip (because I don't do blow and figured I know people who can smoke an ounce of weed in a weekend, if they're sharing than 3 oz seemed reasonable enough to me) and was fairly relieved that we would be traveling with less, especially with Moses carrying a significant amount of cash on hand (possession with intent to sell would have been easy to argue.) Moses was pissed with Mouse and asked if he could ride in my car, I agreed as long as the rest of the blow or the cash went with Mouse so both wouldn't be caught together. Moses gave Mouse the cash (showing just how little he now trusted him with the blow) and hopped into my car.
Moses and I eat a weed cookie each and we take off north on US-101 and can't get out of the county before coming to a complete stand still on the freeway. We're stuck on the freeway for a half hour before 2 CHP officers come down the lanes informing everyone that there is a freeway chase that had ended a couple miles up the freeway and there is a hostage situation in the car, everyone had to back up and drive backwards on the freeway a couple of miles to the nearest exit and get back on the freeway on the appropriate side to head south. We do this and drive back into Santa Barbara with dozens of other cars to take the only alternate route North, the CA-154 into the Santa Ynez mountains and through the Chumash Indian reservation and Solvang where we could reconnect with US-101 north of the problem.
Other than backing us up a ton of miles and a couple of hours, the drive north was otherwise uninhibited. As we pulled into Monterrey about 40 mins south of Santa Cruz, Moses explained to me the gameplan was to go to his friends house near UC Santa Cruz that night, hang out and in the morning meet up with the person that was going to sell us the goomers. I told him I thought we were buying them from this first friend, that he had explained it that way originally. Then Moses came clean with the real plan:
He didn't have a direct connection to the goomers in Santa Cruz. He was told by this friend who wanted some high quality cocaine that if he could bring 1 oz of cocaine Moses could sell it by the gram or 8 ball to the friends roommates and some people they were inviting over. Moses would then have the rest of the money (he didn't have all the money for the goomers wtf!?!
) to buy the goomers and the friend had a connect that lived nearby that could hook us up.
I did not like this plan, however it was already in motion and I was apart of it. I was committed to getting my share of the goomers because I already had a ton of customers lined up who were waiting on me to come back. The only other known connect at that time to mushrooms in I.V. was a kid who was keeping his client list very small and was nitty about who he worked with. Worse of all although he sold to all my pals who lived in the dorms, he swore them to secrecy and unless I wanted to buy a personal use amount , they weren't allowed to tell me who he was. So at the moment this seemed like my only viable option, however, I didn't want to be apart of the selling of the cocaine. I told Moses I would drop him off at his friends with Mouse, then I would go visit my sister who lived in town for a couple of hours and come meet up with them at the end of the night. We pulled up and went inside, I met his friend, we'll call him Jason, and told them I had dinner plans with my sister and took off.
After a few hours it's time for my sister to go to bed so I head back over to Jason's house. I call Moses from outside to see what's going on and he not only forgot I was coming back, he forgot I was there with him and thought I was just visiting on my own. He happily invites me inside and offers me a line, only for me to remind him that not only do I not do blow but that we were suppose to be selling some of this stuff. He assures me that this was just part of his personal stash for him and his friends to party with
. After a little while I ask him to walk out onto the balcony with me to talk. We step outside amongst the majesty and calmness of the redwoods and I ask him how much he was able to sell tonight.
"...I didn't sell any."
"What? But you said that's where you were getting the rest of the money."
"Well Jason told me he doesn't have a shroom connection so I said **** it, let's party!"
"Dude! No connection? That's the whole reason we came up here!"
Moses countered that we should make the most of a bad situation and have a good time. I reminded him that my finances staying in balance rested on this trip being successful, that I had people counting on me back home who wanted shrooms. He then asked me where I was staying that night. I told him I was staying with him and Mouse at Jason's. Jason was limited on space but found somewhere for Mouse and I to lay our heads: In a closet under the slant of the roof of the house, sharing it with an encaged python. Mouse and I slept next to each other in separate sleeping bags, with our heads away from the snake. I woke up about every half hour to put eyes on the snake. It was one of the most frustrating and scary nights of sleep of my life.
Unfortunately I don't remember as much of the time and conversation that evening we spent at Jason's outside of what I shared but I know much more was said and seen. I remember that I saw a crazy amount of cocaine snorted that night. I do remember that 1-2 of Jason's roommates had a really nice bong and they let me use it with them in exchange for smoking them out so I spent a good amount of time with them that night frustrated with my friends and their fiend like snorting.
Part 2 the trip hits rock bottom and I find a way to salvage the trip and business move with a desperate series of decisions and moves.
In Winter/Spring of 2006 I was living directly on the north east corner of Sabado Tarde and Camino Pascadero in Isla Vista, CA. I lived with 3 other guys in a small 2 bedroom apartment, 2 Indian guys and an Armenian. These guys all came from hardworking but well off immigrant families and they all believed in a mans right to hustle out of his own home. This is important because it allowed me the freedom and security to do things I shouldn't have done.
It started like any bad, irresponsible drug dealing operation: my budget didn't allow for me to buy weed and my school, sports and social life obligations prevented me from getting a part time job; therefore I started selling weed to some of my neighbors. The market was very saturated however and so I soon was smoking more than I had budget into my profit margin to be able to smoke. However so was my supplier, Mouse.
So we got together with a mutual childhood friend, Moses, who was looking for some help making a run to Northern California. They told me that the plan was to go to Santa Cruz, meet up with a childhood friend of Moses' from Ventura or Santa Barbara (I don't remember now) and get a few lbs of Magic Mushrooms aka Goomers. Mouse and I would then do the distribution in Isla Vista where there was a high demand but extremely low supply of Goomers. Moses would put up the seed money and Mouse and I would get to keep a good share of the profits after we reimbursed Moses for our shares. Mouse and I would each drive our cars up to Santa Cruz instead of all of us traveling together figuring we were safer from being pulled over driving in a pair with the cargo split up than all together with the goods and any money on hand.
I wake up the day we're suppose to leave, brush my teeth, eat a weed cookie, throw it up immediately due to anxiety, brush my teeth again, get a breakfast burrito from Super Cuccas and head over to Mouse's where we are all meeting before leaving. When I show up I don't knock I just proceed in the unlocked door (this was common practice amongst friends in Isla Vista) and head to his room where I find him and Moses frantically attempting to clean up spilled cocaine back into a baggie.
"What the **** are you two doing?"
"Are you serious? We're cleaning up the coke Mouse spilled what the **** does it look like we're doing?"
"What? What happened?"
"I told him to double baggie it and he didn't and the baggie got a hole in one of the corners."
They had lost nearly half of what they said was 3 oz. I thought this was for their personal use on the trip (because I don't do blow and figured I know people who can smoke an ounce of weed in a weekend, if they're sharing than 3 oz seemed reasonable enough to me) and was fairly relieved that we would be traveling with less, especially with Moses carrying a significant amount of cash on hand (possession with intent to sell would have been easy to argue.) Moses was pissed with Mouse and asked if he could ride in my car, I agreed as long as the rest of the blow or the cash went with Mouse so both wouldn't be caught together. Moses gave Mouse the cash (showing just how little he now trusted him with the blow) and hopped into my car.
Moses and I eat a weed cookie each and we take off north on US-101 and can't get out of the county before coming to a complete stand still on the freeway. We're stuck on the freeway for a half hour before 2 CHP officers come down the lanes informing everyone that there is a freeway chase that had ended a couple miles up the freeway and there is a hostage situation in the car, everyone had to back up and drive backwards on the freeway a couple of miles to the nearest exit and get back on the freeway on the appropriate side to head south. We do this and drive back into Santa Barbara with dozens of other cars to take the only alternate route North, the CA-154 into the Santa Ynez mountains and through the Chumash Indian reservation and Solvang where we could reconnect with US-101 north of the problem.
Other than backing us up a ton of miles and a couple of hours, the drive north was otherwise uninhibited. As we pulled into Monterrey about 40 mins south of Santa Cruz, Moses explained to me the gameplan was to go to his friends house near UC Santa Cruz that night, hang out and in the morning meet up with the person that was going to sell us the goomers. I told him I thought we were buying them from this first friend, that he had explained it that way originally. Then Moses came clean with the real plan:
He didn't have a direct connection to the goomers in Santa Cruz. He was told by this friend who wanted some high quality cocaine that if he could bring 1 oz of cocaine Moses could sell it by the gram or 8 ball to the friends roommates and some people they were inviting over. Moses would then have the rest of the money (he didn't have all the money for the goomers wtf!?!
) to buy the goomers and the friend had a connect that lived nearby that could hook us up. I did not like this plan, however it was already in motion and I was apart of it. I was committed to getting my share of the goomers because I already had a ton of customers lined up who were waiting on me to come back. The only other known connect at that time to mushrooms in I.V. was a kid who was keeping his client list very small and was nitty about who he worked with. Worse of all although he sold to all my pals who lived in the dorms, he swore them to secrecy and unless I wanted to buy a personal use amount , they weren't allowed to tell me who he was. So at the moment this seemed like my only viable option, however, I didn't want to be apart of the selling of the cocaine. I told Moses I would drop him off at his friends with Mouse, then I would go visit my sister who lived in town for a couple of hours and come meet up with them at the end of the night. We pulled up and went inside, I met his friend, we'll call him Jason, and told them I had dinner plans with my sister and took off.
After a few hours it's time for my sister to go to bed so I head back over to Jason's house. I call Moses from outside to see what's going on and he not only forgot I was coming back, he forgot I was there with him and thought I was just visiting on my own. He happily invites me inside and offers me a line, only for me to remind him that not only do I not do blow but that we were suppose to be selling some of this stuff. He assures me that this was just part of his personal stash for him and his friends to party with
. After a little while I ask him to walk out onto the balcony with me to talk. We step outside amongst the majesty and calmness of the redwoods and I ask him how much he was able to sell tonight."...I didn't sell any."
"What? But you said that's where you were getting the rest of the money."
"Well Jason told me he doesn't have a shroom connection so I said **** it, let's party!"
"Dude! No connection? That's the whole reason we came up here!"
Moses countered that we should make the most of a bad situation and have a good time. I reminded him that my finances staying in balance rested on this trip being successful, that I had people counting on me back home who wanted shrooms. He then asked me where I was staying that night. I told him I was staying with him and Mouse at Jason's. Jason was limited on space but found somewhere for Mouse and I to lay our heads: In a closet under the slant of the roof of the house, sharing it with an encaged python. Mouse and I slept next to each other in separate sleeping bags, with our heads away from the snake. I woke up about every half hour to put eyes on the snake. It was one of the most frustrating and scary nights of sleep of my life.
Unfortunately I don't remember as much of the time and conversation that evening we spent at Jason's outside of what I shared but I know much more was said and seen. I remember that I saw a crazy amount of cocaine snorted that night. I do remember that 1-2 of Jason's roommates had a really nice bong and they let me use it with them in exchange for smoking them out so I spent a good amount of time with them that night frustrated with my friends and their fiend like snorting.
Part 2 the trip hits rock bottom and I find a way to salvage the trip and business move with a desperate series of decisions and moves.
Last edited by Natamus; 12-26-2016 at 06:34 AM.
12-26-2016
, 07:35 AM
Goomer Empire Part 2
We get up about 9am the next morning and clean up our sleeping bags and thank Jason and his roommates for their hospitality before departing for breakfast. We head to Zachary's downtown for some eggs and bacon and to gameplan the next step. Mouse told me he had contacted a friend of ours he went to synagogue with back in Ventura, we'll call him Israel. Israel had told him via text that he could connect us with a mushrooms supplier and to meet him at his dorm at UC Santa Cruz to hang out.
We head over to the dorms which are, like the rest of the university, built amongst the redwoods along a mountainside in northern Santa Cruz. It really is one of if not the most beautiful campuses in California, if not the entire United States. When we get to Israel's it's like a scene out of a college-comedy movie: a plastic bong so tall you need to stand on a chair to hit it and have a friend light it at the bottom, Scarface, Animal House and other cliche posters on the walls and a Nintendo Gamecube with people playing Mario Party. We get higher than the tops of the redwoods with Israel and his roommates and laugh and talk about times from when we grew up together. Then finally I bring it around to business asking about who we are going to be meeting up with around here for the mushrooms. Israel has bad news to break: he was confused by the text and thought Mouse was talking about getting them back in Ventura, that is where his connection is, 350+ miles south.
While we've had a great time with Israel we've ultimately struck out and admit to him that we're facing an issue. He tells us he'll help us anyway he can and we thank him before taking off back down into the city to get some lunch. We stop at a Burger King and huddle up over some whoopers. At this point my frustration has grown with the entire trip and situation when Mouse, the tiny prick, responds to me exclaiming that this trip is costing more money in expenses that it may be worth with all the problems acquiring product (and the use/lost of cocaine) by saying
"Well you didn't have to come or be a part of this trip if you didn't want to. You're only here because you need Moses to help you with seed money..."
"Shut up you stupid little fuluck. If it wasn't for your dumb ass spilling the snow at least we'd have a decent amount of something..."
That's when it hit me. We don't have any connections for buying mushrooms here, but we do have people who want cocaine here in Santa Cruz. We could sell the rest of what we have, combine it with the money Moses does have and then continue with the plan we originally agreed to, but buy the stuff back in Santa Barbara. Also I was running out of time before I needed to be back for a test on Friday. Mouse and Moses basically laughed in my face, they had no interest in parting with the rest of the blow and suggesting such a thing didn't endear them to wanting to work with me in that way.
Getting upset internally but externally attempting to keep my cool I keep my eyes focused down on the food treys when I spot Mouse's keys on the table. I reach out and snatch the keys and shove them in my pocket knowing I have a few inches and a lot of weight on each of them that they aren't going to try and fight me to get the keys back.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving you two an ultimatum to get back to our original plan."
"What are you talking about?"
"I have the snow in my car and now I have Mouse's keys. Mouse you are going to give me the money right now and you guys are going to help me sell as much of this stuff as possible to Israel's and Jason's friends. When we are done I'm going to drive back to Santa Barbara tonight and buy the goomers at which point I'll split them with you Mouse and we will get to distributing and get you paid back, Moses."
"What if we say no?"
"I'm going to take your car keys with me, sell what I can to Israel's friends and drive back to Santa Barbara and leave you two asshats here. I'll then stop by your place Mouse on the way back and take the rest of your stashed oz's of weed to sell and maybe your Xbox 360 too."
Moses agreed on the condition that Mouse had to pay him back for the cocaine that he had spilled back at his house in Isla Vista. Mouse agreed on the condition that we didn't leave his car at the Burger King and that I trusted him to drive himself, also that he got to keep a gram of blow for personal use. Everyone agreed and we went to my car to weigh out his gram. Of course mouse spills a little bit on my scale which had blow on it the rest of my time living in Isla Vista
. We head to Jason's where we offload an 8 ball and just like that I'm officially dealing cocaine. 
Mouse and Moses are now riding together because everyone hates me for trying to salvage the trip and holding them hostage to do so. F them, I should of intervened sooner. Anyway we get back to UC Santa Cruz and I get to weighing and bagging grams. I purposefully handled this on my own and had Moses and Mouse hang out in Israel's dorm smoking weed and doing lines. I wanted as little room for error as possible. Over the next 2+ hours I did the most cliche "Black Guy" thing of my life: I walked around this beautiful college campus using code words, eye contact and firm handshakes to sell blow to about a dozen+ white kids. I even stopped at a couple of Israel's friends dorm rooms and made some interesting house calls.
When I was done my wallet was several hundred dollars heavier and my mind was several hot showers dirtier. I had done something I thought I would never ever do to salvage a plan to do something I thought I would never ever do. Worse of all, I was a natural! I could see where I could be very good at being a blow dealer at that time and would of made a ton of money. Alas that was a risk I didn't want to take if I didn't feel my back was absolutely against the wall and now it was no longer that way. I was both simultaneously not proud of what I had done and also extremely proud.
The hard part was done, now it was time for the impossible part, get a real connect asap. I let Moses and Mouse know I had been successful with phase 1 and I was moving on to phase 2 and I would see them back in Isla Vista. They asked who I was going to get the goomers from and I told them I had been giving a connect from a friend from HS and I was going to drive to their University. They wished me luck as they were going to stay the night with Jason again.
It was about 10pm and I called my friend Brandon who I knew got shrooms weekly from the secret guy. I told him that I had a super hot sorority girl who was DTF but she and a few of her sisters wanted me to get shrooms for them tonight. He told me he would have the guy call me shortly. I headed to the gas station, filled up and hit the highway looking to haul ass back to Isla Vista. On my way between Santa Cruz and Salinas the Guy calls me:
"So you're looking to help out some sorority girls?"
"I mean I'm really trying to help myself to some pussy, the girls getting some fun fungus is just a condition of that."
"Haha, okay so you're going to do them too right?"
"Yea man totally, there is just one small favor I need to ask you. I had a family issue I had to tend to in San Jose and I'm like 4 hours north of Isla Vista but I'm on my way, can you wait up for me?"
"Sure man, I'll be up until about 2:00-2:30 studying."
Awesome! Except it's now about 11pm and I'm about 4+ hours away driving 65-70MPH. So the only thing to do is drive faster, much faster. Any straight or straight-ish stretch of freeway I'm driving 95-100MPH. I slow down to 80 around freeway on ramps and areas where I can't clearly see ahead and a cop could be hiding out. Somehow I don't get pulled over and call the Guy as I'm pulling into Isla Vista about 2:20am.
A few minutes later I pull up to his dorm and he walks me inside. Once inside I admit to him that I make up the story I told him to get to meet him and explain to him my real situation. I show him my buy-in money and my phone contact list of people who want to buy. He's actually likes my idea to help him expand by being his middle man to the majority of UCSB as well as Santa Barbara City College. It would allow him to grow his business 5 fold while keeping the anonymity he valued to greatly. I was in business big time, he went into a blue storage tub and under some clothes pulled out two 2 gallon bags stuffed to the top with magic mushrooms.
Now I knew I had to break off Mouse a fair share so he could sell but I was going to still have tons of product after that and a line to lots more. The problem I saw was that since I owe Moses money for the deal if he knew I had a real supply line he would want me to trade paying him back for a share of this new business opportunity. I needed to made them believe I only got a smaller amount of goomers. So my plan was to give Mouse enough so he could make enough money to pay Moses back what he owed him while I would only keep enough of what I showed them to pay back Moses most of what I owed him. I would them use a friend who lived in San Diego to get a bunch of Somas and Norcos from Mexico super cheap and give Moses enough of them so he felt I had made him whole. That was very easy to do and in no time I had settled up with him and was able to focus on my rapidly growing business with the Guy.
In part 3 I'll tell you guys about how "we're going to need a bigger boat" and my own experience trying the fun fungus for myself right before I went to Mexico for Spring Break '06.
We get up about 9am the next morning and clean up our sleeping bags and thank Jason and his roommates for their hospitality before departing for breakfast. We head to Zachary's downtown for some eggs and bacon and to gameplan the next step. Mouse told me he had contacted a friend of ours he went to synagogue with back in Ventura, we'll call him Israel. Israel had told him via text that he could connect us with a mushrooms supplier and to meet him at his dorm at UC Santa Cruz to hang out.
We head over to the dorms which are, like the rest of the university, built amongst the redwoods along a mountainside in northern Santa Cruz. It really is one of if not the most beautiful campuses in California, if not the entire United States. When we get to Israel's it's like a scene out of a college-comedy movie: a plastic bong so tall you need to stand on a chair to hit it and have a friend light it at the bottom, Scarface, Animal House and other cliche posters on the walls and a Nintendo Gamecube with people playing Mario Party. We get higher than the tops of the redwoods with Israel and his roommates and laugh and talk about times from when we grew up together. Then finally I bring it around to business asking about who we are going to be meeting up with around here for the mushrooms. Israel has bad news to break: he was confused by the text and thought Mouse was talking about getting them back in Ventura, that is where his connection is, 350+ miles south.
While we've had a great time with Israel we've ultimately struck out and admit to him that we're facing an issue. He tells us he'll help us anyway he can and we thank him before taking off back down into the city to get some lunch. We stop at a Burger King and huddle up over some whoopers. At this point my frustration has grown with the entire trip and situation when Mouse, the tiny prick, responds to me exclaiming that this trip is costing more money in expenses that it may be worth with all the problems acquiring product (and the use/lost of cocaine) by saying
"Well you didn't have to come or be a part of this trip if you didn't want to. You're only here because you need Moses to help you with seed money..."
"Shut up you stupid little fuluck. If it wasn't for your dumb ass spilling the snow at least we'd have a decent amount of something..."
That's when it hit me. We don't have any connections for buying mushrooms here, but we do have people who want cocaine here in Santa Cruz. We could sell the rest of what we have, combine it with the money Moses does have and then continue with the plan we originally agreed to, but buy the stuff back in Santa Barbara. Also I was running out of time before I needed to be back for a test on Friday. Mouse and Moses basically laughed in my face, they had no interest in parting with the rest of the blow and suggesting such a thing didn't endear them to wanting to work with me in that way.
Getting upset internally but externally attempting to keep my cool I keep my eyes focused down on the food treys when I spot Mouse's keys on the table. I reach out and snatch the keys and shove them in my pocket knowing I have a few inches and a lot of weight on each of them that they aren't going to try and fight me to get the keys back.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm giving you two an ultimatum to get back to our original plan."
"What are you talking about?"
"I have the snow in my car and now I have Mouse's keys. Mouse you are going to give me the money right now and you guys are going to help me sell as much of this stuff as possible to Israel's and Jason's friends. When we are done I'm going to drive back to Santa Barbara tonight and buy the goomers at which point I'll split them with you Mouse and we will get to distributing and get you paid back, Moses."
"What if we say no?"
"I'm going to take your car keys with me, sell what I can to Israel's friends and drive back to Santa Barbara and leave you two asshats here. I'll then stop by your place Mouse on the way back and take the rest of your stashed oz's of weed to sell and maybe your Xbox 360 too."
Moses agreed on the condition that Mouse had to pay him back for the cocaine that he had spilled back at his house in Isla Vista. Mouse agreed on the condition that we didn't leave his car at the Burger King and that I trusted him to drive himself, also that he got to keep a gram of blow for personal use. Everyone agreed and we went to my car to weigh out his gram. Of course mouse spills a little bit on my scale which had blow on it the rest of my time living in Isla Vista
. We head to Jason's where we offload an 8 ball and just like that I'm officially dealing cocaine. Mouse and Moses are now riding together because everyone hates me for trying to salvage the trip and holding them hostage to do so. F them, I should of intervened sooner. Anyway we get back to UC Santa Cruz and I get to weighing and bagging grams. I purposefully handled this on my own and had Moses and Mouse hang out in Israel's dorm smoking weed and doing lines. I wanted as little room for error as possible. Over the next 2+ hours I did the most cliche "Black Guy" thing of my life: I walked around this beautiful college campus using code words, eye contact and firm handshakes to sell blow to about a dozen+ white kids. I even stopped at a couple of Israel's friends dorm rooms and made some interesting house calls.
When I was done my wallet was several hundred dollars heavier and my mind was several hot showers dirtier. I had done something I thought I would never ever do to salvage a plan to do something I thought I would never ever do. Worse of all, I was a natural! I could see where I could be very good at being a blow dealer at that time and would of made a ton of money. Alas that was a risk I didn't want to take if I didn't feel my back was absolutely against the wall and now it was no longer that way. I was both simultaneously not proud of what I had done and also extremely proud.
The hard part was done, now it was time for the impossible part, get a real connect asap. I let Moses and Mouse know I had been successful with phase 1 and I was moving on to phase 2 and I would see them back in Isla Vista. They asked who I was going to get the goomers from and I told them I had been giving a connect from a friend from HS and I was going to drive to their University. They wished me luck as they were going to stay the night with Jason again.
It was about 10pm and I called my friend Brandon who I knew got shrooms weekly from the secret guy. I told him that I had a super hot sorority girl who was DTF but she and a few of her sisters wanted me to get shrooms for them tonight. He told me he would have the guy call me shortly. I headed to the gas station, filled up and hit the highway looking to haul ass back to Isla Vista. On my way between Santa Cruz and Salinas the Guy calls me:
"So you're looking to help out some sorority girls?"
"I mean I'm really trying to help myself to some pussy, the girls getting some fun fungus is just a condition of that."
"Haha, okay so you're going to do them too right?"
"Yea man totally, there is just one small favor I need to ask you. I had a family issue I had to tend to in San Jose and I'm like 4 hours north of Isla Vista but I'm on my way, can you wait up for me?"
"Sure man, I'll be up until about 2:00-2:30 studying."
Awesome! Except it's now about 11pm and I'm about 4+ hours away driving 65-70MPH. So the only thing to do is drive faster, much faster. Any straight or straight-ish stretch of freeway I'm driving 95-100MPH. I slow down to 80 around freeway on ramps and areas where I can't clearly see ahead and a cop could be hiding out. Somehow I don't get pulled over and call the Guy as I'm pulling into Isla Vista about 2:20am.
A few minutes later I pull up to his dorm and he walks me inside. Once inside I admit to him that I make up the story I told him to get to meet him and explain to him my real situation. I show him my buy-in money and my phone contact list of people who want to buy. He's actually likes my idea to help him expand by being his middle man to the majority of UCSB as well as Santa Barbara City College. It would allow him to grow his business 5 fold while keeping the anonymity he valued to greatly. I was in business big time, he went into a blue storage tub and under some clothes pulled out two 2 gallon bags stuffed to the top with magic mushrooms.
Now I knew I had to break off Mouse a fair share so he could sell but I was going to still have tons of product after that and a line to lots more. The problem I saw was that since I owe Moses money for the deal if he knew I had a real supply line he would want me to trade paying him back for a share of this new business opportunity. I needed to made them believe I only got a smaller amount of goomers. So my plan was to give Mouse enough so he could make enough money to pay Moses back what he owed him while I would only keep enough of what I showed them to pay back Moses most of what I owed him. I would them use a friend who lived in San Diego to get a bunch of Somas and Norcos from Mexico super cheap and give Moses enough of them so he felt I had made him whole. That was very easy to do and in no time I had settled up with him and was able to focus on my rapidly growing business with the Guy.
In part 3 I'll tell you guys about how "we're going to need a bigger boat" and my own experience trying the fun fungus for myself right before I went to Mexico for Spring Break '06.
01-06-2017
, 12:24 PM
01-06-2017
, 06:35 PM
01-06-2017
, 06:41 PM
Quote:
You Savages,
You've asked for it and it's time to give it to you before someone else eventually finds and post it:
This is half of my 2011-2012 set (about 8 of 15 minutes.) I was working out some of these jokes as I was preparing to try out to go on the road with Pauly Shore. I made the cut but didn't do more than a few shows on the road before I took a job writing back in LA and moved away from stand up for the time being.
Still not entirely sure that was the right decision. Many of my stand up friends said I can always come back and life experience and maturity would make me even better, other friends said push while you have momentum; however my goal wasn't to be a traveling comedian it was to get jobs writing in LA and I had that in hand so I took it. anyway, enjoy!
You've asked for it and it's time to give it to you before someone else eventually finds and post it:
This is half of my 2011-2012 set (about 8 of 15 minutes.) I was working out some of these jokes as I was preparing to try out to go on the road with Pauly Shore. I made the cut but didn't do more than a few shows on the road before I took a job writing back in LA and moved away from stand up for the time being.
Still not entirely sure that was the right decision. Many of my stand up friends said I can always come back and life experience and maturity would make me even better, other friends said push while you have momentum; however my goal wasn't to be a traveling comedian it was to get jobs writing in LA and I had that in hand so I took it. anyway, enjoy!
Good job Nat! Nice work with the crowd, and the Persian business made me larf.
01-06-2017
, 09:51 PM
01-07-2017
, 06:05 AM
GOOMER EMPIRE PART 3
I was out of mother ****ing control...
I would get up every morning, get as stoned as possible, get some breakfast, go to class and text girls and clients the entire time then spend the rest of the day riding around campus and Isla Vista on my Swinn Beach Cruiser making deliveries. From Francisco Torres Dorms which were two twin 16 story towers on the far north side of Isla Vista that use to be a Holiday Inn Resort converted into dorms (I think it's called Santa Catalina now because "F.T." had a reputation as a name.) to the Anacapa Dorms on the far south side of campus - if you got magic mushrooms in that area in 2006 they came from me. One other group of guys were selling mushrooms and I was doing so well I bought them out and put them to work under me!
I was making so much money I was playing online poker and live at Chumash Casino as often as possible. I was winning mostly at poker but donking off at the Indian Casino in the pits hand over fist. I remember one night after partying in 2006 I took a car full of my friends to Jack in the Box to get drunk/stoner munchies. We racked up a bill of like $38 - so obviously we bought like the entire ****ing menu - and I pulled out my ePassporte Visa card that was connected to my Party Poker account and it was denied. It was the night the US Govt had cut off 3rd party offshore processors like Netteller, Skrill, Moneybookers, ePassporte and the like. I was super embarrassed as it was the only card I brought and my friend Bob ended up covering the bill and I paid him back when we got home in cash. It was the first time the party was stopped and the house lights were turned on in the USA for online poker... and it wouldn't be the last.
Anyway within a month we had expanded our business and The Guy rented an apartment in I.V. for us specifically to run the business and inventory out of so it wasn't directly at either my apartment or his dorm room. As mid-April approached and our first major run in the new spot was winding down I made a decision: I saved a half oz of the best looking shrooms for me and 2 friends: Beers and Bob to take with me with our pal and Cprease's roommate, Gill playing supervisor/babysitter for us. We decided the Friday heading into Spring Break would be best because the campus would be mostly empty and we could wander around and be crazy without too much trouble.
NOTE: Gill is the person who nicknamed me Natamus (Nate-a-muss - although on 2+2 it's become Nat-a-must which is OK by me.)
Friday comes and I head to the work-apartment in the morning, check the books, open the safe to find the 1/2 oz. of shrooms I had saved and head to the bank to make a personal deposit. I bike over to Beers dorm and we head to the dining hall to get PB&Js which were given out on Fridays before students were to travel for the holiday. We place the shrooms in the PB&Js and get to munching away in Beers room. Before it can sink in I go start going between Bob's and Gill's dorm rooms and placing my personal items in different places...
"Nate, what are you doing?" Bob ask as I'm going through his drawers and closet, and his roommates too and placing my stuff in seemingly random places.
"I've decided to place things where 'high on shrooms Nate' will go to find them. Sober me is taking care of 'super ****ed up' me."
"...That's so smart." Bob starts doing the same with his wallet, weed, cell phone, etc.
I grab my ipod and earbuds and one of Bob's hoodies and you know what this will be best shown through pictures:
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
Looking at those pictures is a real trip for me, it's taking me back just over 10 years to such a special time. I grew up with Beers from 8 years old, he's my closet and best friend I've ever had. Bob is Beers best friend and roommate for 3 years in college. Gill was one of my 2-3 closest friends I've keep from college along with cprease and Bob. Those guys had a profound effect on who I am and my life in general and it's really fun but almost emotional to look back on those pictures and think about that first year we were together and what we got into (and the girls we got into) in Isla Vista.
Just after that last picture we moved nearby on the lagoon where we sat out on logs over the water and talked a ton of nonsense. Then on the walk back toward the buildings of campus I stopped when I saw a squirrel who had something things to say to me. This little bushy tailed dick was a rude ass. A little later we found a couple dudes kicking a soccer ball around and played high off our ass it was crazy. Gill later told me I just crashed some dude juggling a soccer ball by himself and made him play pass around with me and Gill lol. We headed back inside the dorms as I was peaking and Bob ran into his GF. Them and I went into his room to smoke weed while Gil and Beers when into Gill's room to see what cprease was up to.
I start going around the room and randomly opening drawers and reaching into corners and finding all my stuff! I had properly prepared super high on shrooms Natamus when I was sober as I had hoped! I packed myself a bowl and smoked it and then sat on Bob's roommates bed to try and gather my thoughts. For several minutes I sat there staring into nothing trying to figuring out what in the proper **** was going on in my brain when I suddenly snapped out of it and realized I had be physical just staring at Bob and his GF making out on his bed across from me for 5+ minutes. They had realized I was zoned out and just decided F it we're gonna do our own thing. As he got her shirt off I totally snapped out of it as I saw her very nice and very big tits for her tiny frame. They paid me no mind as I quietly made my way out of the room to Gill's room.
In Gill's room I smoked with him and Cprease and watched I think Villanova lose to #11 George Mason in the Elite 8 and it was freaking crazy! First off having the scores to other games in little boxes on the screen while watching the game you are and it has a box with the score... that was hard to take. Secondly, #11 was heading to the Final 4 and ruining brackets left and right. The rest of the "trip" was tame and by 11pm Beers and I were in my car with our stuff ready to drive to Ventura where he was going to meet his parents to leave in the morning to go somewhere for spring break and I was going to try and sleep off the rest of the shrooms and then head to Rosorito Beach, Baja Mexico for 2 nights (one for me) to see The Game perform at Club Animal...
In part 4 I put myself in harms way probably a half dozen times, smoke weed with all-american UCLA football players, and survive a riot...
I was out of mother ****ing control...
I would get up every morning, get as stoned as possible, get some breakfast, go to class and text girls and clients the entire time then spend the rest of the day riding around campus and Isla Vista on my Swinn Beach Cruiser making deliveries. From Francisco Torres Dorms which were two twin 16 story towers on the far north side of Isla Vista that use to be a Holiday Inn Resort converted into dorms (I think it's called Santa Catalina now because "F.T." had a reputation as a name.) to the Anacapa Dorms on the far south side of campus - if you got magic mushrooms in that area in 2006 they came from me. One other group of guys were selling mushrooms and I was doing so well I bought them out and put them to work under me!
I was making so much money I was playing online poker and live at Chumash Casino as often as possible. I was winning mostly at poker but donking off at the Indian Casino in the pits hand over fist. I remember one night after partying in 2006 I took a car full of my friends to Jack in the Box to get drunk/stoner munchies. We racked up a bill of like $38 - so obviously we bought like the entire ****ing menu - and I pulled out my ePassporte Visa card that was connected to my Party Poker account and it was denied. It was the night the US Govt had cut off 3rd party offshore processors like Netteller, Skrill, Moneybookers, ePassporte and the like. I was super embarrassed as it was the only card I brought and my friend Bob ended up covering the bill and I paid him back when we got home in cash. It was the first time the party was stopped and the house lights were turned on in the USA for online poker... and it wouldn't be the last.
Anyway within a month we had expanded our business and The Guy rented an apartment in I.V. for us specifically to run the business and inventory out of so it wasn't directly at either my apartment or his dorm room. As mid-April approached and our first major run in the new spot was winding down I made a decision: I saved a half oz of the best looking shrooms for me and 2 friends: Beers and Bob to take with me with our pal and Cprease's roommate, Gill playing supervisor/babysitter for us. We decided the Friday heading into Spring Break would be best because the campus would be mostly empty and we could wander around and be crazy without too much trouble.
NOTE: Gill is the person who nicknamed me Natamus (Nate-a-muss - although on 2+2 it's become Nat-a-must which is OK by me.)
Friday comes and I head to the work-apartment in the morning, check the books, open the safe to find the 1/2 oz. of shrooms I had saved and head to the bank to make a personal deposit. I bike over to Beers dorm and we head to the dining hall to get PB&Js which were given out on Fridays before students were to travel for the holiday. We place the shrooms in the PB&Js and get to munching away in Beers room. Before it can sink in I go start going between Bob's and Gill's dorm rooms and placing my personal items in different places...
"Nate, what are you doing?" Bob ask as I'm going through his drawers and closet, and his roommates too and placing my stuff in seemingly random places.
"I've decided to place things where 'high on shrooms Nate' will go to find them. Sober me is taking care of 'super ****ed up' me."
"...That's so smart." Bob starts doing the same with his wallet, weed, cell phone, etc.
I grab my ipod and earbuds and one of Bob's hoodies and you know what this will be best shown through pictures:
[spoiler]
Spoiler:
Looking at those pictures is a real trip for me, it's taking me back just over 10 years to such a special time. I grew up with Beers from 8 years old, he's my closet and best friend I've ever had. Bob is Beers best friend and roommate for 3 years in college. Gill was one of my 2-3 closest friends I've keep from college along with cprease and Bob. Those guys had a profound effect on who I am and my life in general and it's really fun but almost emotional to look back on those pictures and think about that first year we were together and what we got into (and the girls we got into) in Isla Vista.
Just after that last picture we moved nearby on the lagoon where we sat out on logs over the water and talked a ton of nonsense. Then on the walk back toward the buildings of campus I stopped when I saw a squirrel who had something things to say to me. This little bushy tailed dick was a rude ass. A little later we found a couple dudes kicking a soccer ball around and played high off our ass it was crazy. Gill later told me I just crashed some dude juggling a soccer ball by himself and made him play pass around with me and Gill lol. We headed back inside the dorms as I was peaking and Bob ran into his GF. Them and I went into his room to smoke weed while Gil and Beers when into Gill's room to see what cprease was up to.
I start going around the room and randomly opening drawers and reaching into corners and finding all my stuff! I had properly prepared super high on shrooms Natamus when I was sober as I had hoped! I packed myself a bowl and smoked it and then sat on Bob's roommates bed to try and gather my thoughts. For several minutes I sat there staring into nothing trying to figuring out what in the proper **** was going on in my brain when I suddenly snapped out of it and realized I had be physical just staring at Bob and his GF making out on his bed across from me for 5+ minutes. They had realized I was zoned out and just decided F it we're gonna do our own thing. As he got her shirt off I totally snapped out of it as I saw her very nice and very big tits for her tiny frame. They paid me no mind as I quietly made my way out of the room to Gill's room.
In Gill's room I smoked with him and Cprease and watched I think Villanova lose to #11 George Mason in the Elite 8 and it was freaking crazy! First off having the scores to other games in little boxes on the screen while watching the game you are and it has a box with the score... that was hard to take. Secondly, #11 was heading to the Final 4 and ruining brackets left and right. The rest of the "trip" was tame and by 11pm Beers and I were in my car with our stuff ready to drive to Ventura where he was going to meet his parents to leave in the morning to go somewhere for spring break and I was going to try and sleep off the rest of the shrooms and then head to Rosorito Beach, Baja Mexico for 2 nights (one for me) to see The Game perform at Club Animal...
In part 4 I put myself in harms way probably a half dozen times, smoke weed with all-american UCLA football players, and survive a riot...
Last edited by Natamus; 01-07-2017 at 06:34 AM.
