What have you been talking about lately? What're you talking about? Maybe you're talking about that shot you took, talking about some son-of-a-bit*h that doesn't want to buy a share, or some girl you're trying to screw or so forth. Well let's talk about something important.

Put.

That coffee.

Down.

Coffee's for cashers only. You think I'm fu*king with you? I am not fu*cking with you. I'm here from the poker tournament database. I'm here from Hendon Mob. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. You call yourself a professional, you son of a bit*h?


I know you "don't have to sit here and read this sh*t." You certainly don't pal, cause the good news is you're not a pro. The bad news is you've got, all of you've got just over a week for a chance to regain your pro status. First prize is a WSOP bracelet, second prize is a bunch of money, third prize is DNC (did not cash.) Get the picture? You laughing now?

You got skills. You can't cash with the skill you've developed, you can't cash sh*t, you are sh*t! Hit the bricks pal and beat it, because you are going BUSTO!


"But the fields are too tough now!" The fields are tough? ****ing fields are tough!? No, you're weak! I've been playing this game for 15 years, what's my name you say? Fu*ck you! That's my name! You know why, mister? You drive a Hyundai, I drive a $140,00 BMW. THAT'S my name. And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't cash them tournaments - go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: Get them to payout at the cage. You hear me, you ****ing ****ots? A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Cashing. Always be cashing. ALWAYS BE CASHING.


A-I-D-A. Attention, Investment, Decision, Action. Attention - Do I have your attention? Investment - Do you have the buy-in? I know you do, 'cause it's fu*k or walk. You cash or you hit the bricks. Decision - Have you made your decision for Christ? And Action. A-I-D-A. Get out there - you got the fish flooding into the Rio. You think they came in to get out of the Vegas rain? A guy don't walk into the Rio unless he wants to gamble. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal? Yeah, you.


"Oh you're such a hero, you're so rich, how come you're posting down here in NVG, wasting your time with such a bunch of bums?"

I'm wearing a watch right now that costs more than your car. I made $940,000 last year. How much did you make? You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a ****. Good father? **** you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna play the WSOP - cash! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you coc*sucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get at a poker table? You don't like it, leave.



I can go out to the Casino tonight with the skills that you've all got and make myself $15,000. Tonight! In eight hours! Can you? Can YOU? Go and do likewise. A-I-D-A. Get mad you son of a bitches, get mad. You want to know what it takes to play poker for a living? It takes BRASS BALLS to play poker for a living. Go and do likewise, gents. Money's out there. You pick it up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. And if you don't, you're gonna be dealing my cards. And you know what you'll be saying - a bunch of losers sittin' around in a bar. 'Oh yeah. I used to be a poker pro. It's a tough racket.' I'd wish you all good luck, but ya'all wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it.

Stay off the meth kids

We get it, you're a plagiarising poker player who likes David Mamet. http://www.filmsite.org/bestspeeches48.html

Fwiw, AIDA does not end well for its namesake lead:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aida

"Radamès has been taken into the lower floor of the temple and sealed up in a dark vault, where he thinks that he is alone. As he hopes that Aida is in a safer place, he hears a sigh and then sees Aida. She has hidden herself in the vault in order to die with Radamès (Radamès and Aida: La fatal pietra sovra me si chiuse. / "The fatal stone now closes over me"). They accept their terrible fate (Radamès: Morir! Si pura e bella / "To die! So pure and lovely!") and bid farewell to Earth and its sorrows. Above the vault in the temple of Vulcan, Amneris weeps and prays to the goddess Isis. In the vault below, Aida dies in Radamès' arms."


When do you open your coaching site ? With your snappy patter, you'd be a natural, but I think you picked the wrong role model .... :

"You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers and I will teach you!"

.

abc

Welcome to BBV OP! May god have mercy on our souls.

I hope Mr. Belding suspends you from the WSOP for this monstrosity.

are cliffs needed? not reading that abortion obv

You win 3rd place Slater


1st place was a night with Kelly in a hotel room while Zak has to watch.
2nd place was french kissing Screech
3rd place is taking a bottle of caffeine pills and watching Showgirls for 24 hours straight with your eyes taped open.

OP, this was spectacular.

A+ adaptation.

Glengarry Glen Ross except ABC = Always Be Cashing

It's such a sh*tty sh*tpost that it transmogrifies into being awesome!

amazing

"Coffee's for cashers only. You think I'm fu*king with you? I am not fu*cking with you. I'm here from the poker tournament database. I'm here from Hendon Mob. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. You call yourself a professional, you son of a bit*h?"

I rated the thread 5 stars for this alone...haha.