When facing a bet, throw a big chip at someone and ask for change. Wait patiently until it is counted out, add it to your stack then fold.

Make sure you have everyone covered, then announce in a multi-way pot:
I'll put someone all in.

hahahahahahahahahaha

I lol'd for a good 8 minutes

someone should make cliff notes with the best ones, theard is too tldr

have this look:

plus he doesn't get why

[x] fish

i loled

When flop comes AK7 and are facing a bet ask if they have a boat.

When flop comes KK5 rainbow and facing a bet ask if they have a flush draw.

Always keep a 3x5 laminated hand ranking card in front of you. Reference it after looking at hole cards at least twice and then 3 more times after the flop.

make a few trading cards with professional poker players on them and ask the table if anyone has any they want to trade.

v funny clip of home poker game

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DKwq3TSG320

happened to me last time in vegas in 2-5 at mgm. Got dealt kk was hu on flop v drunk dude. I Led on out onQhi two diamonds. Maybe 70 $ in pot in total. The drunk dude then showed me his hand jd and 9d and proceeded to announced all in pushing a few racks of 500 in and shouting this is for your president (It was the day Tony Blair stopped being leader).

loosely tape some chips together and throw them up so that the tape breaks apart when it lands and say : "I bet Grenade" with no emotion.

I did similar to this once, i got stacked by a guy on one of my first live cash hands a year or so ago by a flopped straight to trips or summit like that, so 20 min later he raises and i reraise and we take a K46 flop and i ask if he has flopped a straight on me again.

Whenever you make the nut flush play it hard and if they fold proudly show your ace high bluff, and if they call just table your hand and say "nice call dude, i was bluffing the last card once i missed my ace draw".

One i often saw and it just made it obvious how new to the game they were was someone going all in and then standing up in a cash game, then when they got busted they would sit back down and reach in their pocket for more cash

What ive always wanted to do was do a Garrison by taking a crappy hand puppet, whilst i would talk normally about stuff in general whenever in a hand the puppet would "talk" my actions, and when folding use the puppet's arms to push your cards forward. If anyone asks about it just always reply with something like "me and Steve dont work together man, dont worry we arent colluding you". Always change the puppets name when refering to it (and if you can randomly change its voice/accent at times) and at no point admit to it being anything other than another person.

try to write down all the information in HH format in a notebook like this

http://journals.cafepress.com/item/g...tebook/8432250

make sure to tell the dealer to hold on while you write and ask for chip stack counts after every hand. Make sure you make it obvious that your going to type the "HH's" up and upload into PT3

put a few chips up your butt and then say, "i bet the contents of my butt." and then take a dump on the table. and if they have a betting line, table a dump right before it, and then smear it across the line. then have an accomplice be like, "string bet!" and then get all pissed off and say that verbal is binding and that he should mind his own business because hes not in the hand.