yeah!

Sweeeet,this thread is like 'the best of' the degen stories thread.keep. It up!

1 Invasion + 1 Invasion ÷ 1 Month = WTF! Part 2


In the last story we left off with with my buddy moving on from an armed home invasion that I was present for. I have been shot at in the past during random foolishness. But this was my first encounter with this type of situation. I also have been home for a random break-in. The kid/rookie burglar didn't think anyone was home at 10am because no cars were in the driveway and I didn't answer the door because I was asleep. Once I heard my door being crow-bared open, I did get up and scare the kid off. As far as being personally robbed, I have had theft situations with girls that I have written about in previous stories. Maybe some minor petty thefts with guys over the many years. I have never actually been held up for anything or physically robbed though. Nobody has ever tried this with me. I feel it is either because they know I am the type that likes to get even or they like/respect me. People have jerked me on debts, but I have probably recovered 97% of all debts. Even if I had to make someone rake my yard or build a shed for me, to satisfy the debt. But I never expected to become a target.

A little over a month after the incident at 420's apartment I was at the casino for a few days with Poker Jay. I had a good time drinking and gambling. I was actually doing well every day and covering all costs. Hotel,drinks,tipping,food, etc. I lent out money to about 4 friends. But I busted the $5k I had on me the day before I left. Oh well, I was driving home on Monday with Poker Jay and I dropped him off. I ended up bringing my girl to visit some friend in her hometown. I decided to just go have dinner at my mom's until she was done. I do visit my mother's often and this is the house I lived in from 13-21. I had met my girl here and she actually lived right down the street from. Made for some funny girl next door moments. Now that I'm thinking about it, I figure I'll tell a quick one.

We were sort of dating the summer of 2003 and I would be out all night partying. If I didn't find any girls out, I would just pull over and park at the bottom of my street on the way home. I would sneak in through her first floor window and smash her. She was 17 and had a stricter curfew than I did as a 19 year old. So she was always there. Worked out perfect for me. After I got done I would usually sneak back out the window and go home. But this one night I was so drunk, I passed out and she couldn't get me up to go home. Then I awoke when I heard her house up and her mother calling her for breakfast. I was like OMG, I need to get the **** out of here. The sunlight was pouring in and I was only in my boxers. She told me to be quiet and that she would let me know when to sneak out. I heard her mother coming down the hallway so I jumped up and hid behind a dresser. Her mother opened the door, telling her again about breakfast. My girl followed her out and I thought the coast was clear when the mother didn't see me. But then I heard the door open again. I'm standing there hiding and her ****ing dog is sniffing me. I hear the mother yelling "Mika!" for the dog to come, but she doesn't. I try to shoo the dog away and fail. The mother comes into the room to get the dog and reaches for the collar then noticing me standing there in complete embarrassment wearing only boxers. It was very awkward and her mother just said "Hello Jon". She had met me a few times, and was a earth crunchy kind of woman. As she was in the middle of asking me what I was doing, my girl interrupted and said I was drunk and lost my house keys last night. That I couldn't get in. The whole moment was priceless. The mom said "Well that's a shame, would you like breakfast?" I declined and got the hell out of there.

Alright back to the real story. I finish dinner and decide I'm going to catch up on some Netflix on the PS4, in the game room upstairs on the 2nd floor. This is actually my old bedroom, the one in the slap a snatch video. But has been converted into a sort of extra family room with all the game systems. I just empty my pockets and lay down on the couch waiting for my girl to call me while resuming the Breaking Bad series.

Everything is quiet. My step-sister who lives there is at work and my mom and step-dad are in the basement family room watching TV. An hour has gone by when all of a sudden I hear a violent smashing coming from downstairs. This was not something normal and kept repeating. I initially jump up and think it has to be the police. I had been raided by the police when I was 20 and still living at my mother's. So this was a somewhat reminder of that time. But that is a whole different story. I head down the stairs to confirm if my suspicion is correct. I start to realize it's not the police with the way the banging was going on. I stood and hid behind a wall until whoever it was entered. Within 3 more bangs they were in. I could hear my step-father yelling from the basement "What's going on up there!" I could see 2 masked guys with guns cutting through the kitchen to the basement door through a mirror reflection on a huge hutch. They couldn't see me and opened the door yelling for them to get on the ground. This was a perfect time to be armed. They would of had no shot with the way my mother's house is laid out. But I wasn't and had to think fast and resort to calling the police for help. I could here them yelling at my step-dad about where the money is. They were definitely Spanish from their voices. Young too. It was almost de-javu of the incident with 420. I could here my mom saying "What are you talking about?" I tried to quietly creep over and grab the house phone while they were down the stairs. I had left my cell-phone upstairs when I emptied my pockets and layed on the couch. They heard me grabbing the phone which was probably best case scenario. It made them leave my parents alone. I heard one of them say "I think someone is upstairs!" I just grabbed the phone and bolted out a side door to call the cops. They both left my parents downstairs and went to the first floor to find me. I could see into the house through windows and a slider. My parents then took that opportunity to flee out a basement exit. That's a problem with trying to rob my parents house. The lay-out isn't normal and there is like 7 exits. One of the kids went outside to look for me. My parents were already knocking on the neighbors door for help. The kid who went outside looking for me realized he should probably split and ran to the getaway car. I am the phone with 911 this whole time giving updates. The other idiot went upstairs to the 2nd floor when he seen the light I left on. He grabbed a necklace and watch I had taken off and sat on the coffee table earlier. He tried getting out a door that never gets used and had no success. I waited for him to come running out and followed him while still telling 911 where to go. They had a getaway car parked a street over with a driver. The cops already had that street blocked off and stopped the car I described.

I ran over to meet my parents at the neighbors and make sure they were okay. They were never touched but my step-dad did hand over like $80 from his pocket when they asked for money. The police secured the scene, then the detectives showed up. From the ages of 15-21 I was kind of a terror in that town, so I was well known. Right away the detective says "Hey were not looking to bust you for anything, but why did this happen?" I told him I wasn't sure and it 100% wasn't drugs. I told him it must have been just for money. He was a bit skeptical, but I wasn't lying. I was very confused myself. Anyone who actually knows me would never try this. Especially in this town and if they knew the layout of my mother's house. I kept thinking it was possibly linked to 420's incident. But couldn't connect. My girl finally showed up and was in shock.

The cops came back and said they have 3 guys and wanted our statements. I went down to the police station and gave mine to the detective. I honestly couldn't figure this out. I had seen the guys in a line-up that night and never seen them prior to this night. They were much younger then me and no names rang a bell. They were clearly not familiar with the house lay-out because alot of the early banging was an unsuccesful attempt to enter through an un-used door. The ******ed get-away driver was actually wearing a GPS bracelet from a prior gun charge he was out on bail for. I racked my brain and met with the police the next day to pick up my chain and watch that was recovered. I guess one of the kids had talked under questioning. I don't want to give away to many details because the case is still ongoing. But there were 2 more white kids at the scene in a different car. The kid who arranged all of this is a low-life, pathetic, dope head, scrub, punk. I had never met this loser before in my life. But after quick research of my own I was told from every source he was a total scumbag base head. Apparently he had intel from somewhere about me. That I keep my cash at my mother's house and am never there. That there was a minimum of $60k of poker winnings. He got 3 idiots to sign-up for this job and let them go in blind. He intended on splitting the money with them and part ways.

As far as his intel I am still not sure who gave him it. Hope to eventually find out. I can understand why people would have this intel. I am generally a cash kind of guy and many people know this. I have also had people I trusted pick up money from there a least a couple dozen times over the years. Mostly for them to bring down to the casino to me when I bust what I have on me. I have had future addicts/junkies around me at the casino and over hear my conversations about these pick-ups. Also some past friends that turned into dope-heads that knew alot about me. Also the night it happened, I had a rental SUV. So a car I would be known for wasn't at the house.

So the personal hunt was on for this piece of ****. I would have rather have someone rob me in the street like a man or set me up than go into my mother's house. I staked out a crack house he supposedly frequents. His parents, and mostly his kid's mothers house where his children are. No luck anywhere. Turns out he was already in jail on an un-related charge he knew he was going in for right after the home-invasion. He was in a different county and was probably the safest place for him. This coward even got his children's mother arrested for sneaking him in heroin on a visit to get his fix.

They are all awaiting trial and in Mass the minimum mandatory for Home-Invasion is 20 years, up to life. I hope these scumbags get the max, but will settle for the minimum. I feel really bad about my parents having to go through this. But luckily I was there and it ended with the 2nd best case scenario. Nobody getting hurt, nothing getting stolen, and suspects arrested. Best case was obviously to exercise "Castle Laws".

So to sum it up, I had been in 2 armed home invasions within a month of each other. Where the people who attacked did not know me. I was able to escape with only a bump from one and had nothing stolen. Either way the whole situation is crazy and just another chapter in my life of degeneracy.

Amazing thread!

this thread need more love imo

5*

love the photos and news links to back up the stories...win win.

OP could be the real life Jesse Pinkman. Would not be surprised if he called everyone "bitch" and had started a meth lab with a former teacher. LOL.

Awesome life stories....Need Moar!

That detail about hiding in your GFs house was priceless ... But those last two stories were very real man. Maybe your just overly callus to a lot of things but that could have went down very differently.

lol no I never even seen meth in real life. That was a hell of a series though.

Ya when the GF thing happened, it feel like a scene out of a movie. Just the way her mother bent over to grab the dog and seen my feet on the side of the dresser, then slowly looked up at me. Then I'm in my boxers like uhhh...

Trust me I don't take those situations lightly. Didn't relay the story with any humor really. Just telling it like it is. Felt is was an interesting/shocking chapter in my life.

Just made an account on imgur like 27offsuit recommended. Figure I would post of couple Poker Jay photos.


Only real players wear fur coats out to local watering holes.

the **** is he doing to that washing machine?

The look on the brunette's face is priceless.

Knowing him, most likely trying to grabs quarters out of the coin slot with his toes, when the girls aren't looking.

You may think I'm messing around with this photo. I snagged this off his FB. I **** you not, he wears those shoes with the individual toes to the casino. I call them the Chip Grippers, so he can pick up loose chips that people drop on the ground all while being inconspicuous. That last joke I made made me think of them. Not sure who else is in the pic with him though.

There is an optional use too. So he doesn't fall of casino balconies while wasted waiving around someone else's money and alcohol all while on the ledge.

Huge fan of all the stories. One of the best threads on here. You really should make some cash off these on YouTube or a degen lifestyle book.

Ohhh man. Could you imagine being armed and just blasting those three guys away?

updated...

1 Invasion + 1 Invasion ÷ 1 Month = WTF! Part 1
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...&postcount=451

1 Invasion + 1 Invasion ÷ 1 Month = WTF! Part 2
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...&postcount=456

Skeet & Beat

This is going to be somewhat instructional. I don't know if any of you ever plan on using this tactic in the future. Some of you may already have. Either way it's always good for a laugh, or when you don't feel like spending that extra money. Many of you may be familiar with a "Chew & Screw". That is where you go to a restaurant of your choosing. Sit any order anything you want off the menu. Then when it comes time to settle up on your tab, you bail out of there without paying. This crime is almost never prosecuted BTW. The Skeet & Beat is very similar. The word skeet refers to rapper Lil Jon's "Get Low" song. Here is some of the lyrics used in the song. (Til all skeet skeet mother****ers, all skeet skeet got down!Til all skeet skeet mother****ers, all skeet skeet got down!) In his use of the word, he is describing the action of a male ejaculating. Something commonly done after sex for most. Some may do this without sex. But you can't Skeet & Beat yourself. No value in it. The Beat I refer to is when you take something from someone. For example: "Phillip just beat Tommy for his Jordan's. Tommy left them at Phillip's house and won't give them back". So this is situational, you can Skeet with many women. But you can only Beat the one's looking to get paid.

Which brings me to the job class of women. In this theory we break women down into 4 groups. Retired, Owners, Working, and Volunteers. Actually there is one more. The disabled, but nobody messes with them anyway. They collect workmen's comp so they're all set. So lets start with the retired. This could be any age female as long as she is off the market. She is taken and does not care to be with anyone else in any shape or form. You are drawing dead if you try having sex with these women. Next we have the owners. These women are very controversial. Some think they are the best ones. I personally don't care for them. They think they have something special going on. They make you wait for sex until they are ready. They claim "I'm not no hoe", and generally have you spend extensive time and money trying to finally land them. They are the boss and manipulate the proceedings. Anyway, next we have the Working girl. These are what you would commonly refer to as Hooker, Prostitute, Trick. Those are the straight forward ones. They list ads and handle it like business. You pay them for their services and they leave. They are perfect for when no other options are available and you want a sure thing. Also in the Working girl class, there is the infamous Gold-digger. They can adapt to their surroundings and generally know how to suck you dry. They have radar for money and always try to score a Sugar Daddy. These girls are worse than an escort. But better than a crack whore. Either way I try to stay away from them. Which brings me to my favorite. The Volunteers. These are the girls that know what they what, and know how to have a good time while getting it. They are available for one night stands. They don't ask for anything else in return. No dinner, jewelry, shoes, they don't even ask you to make their car payment. May cost a couple drinks, but what the hell, you probably would buy your boys a round anyway. They sure as hell ain't making you skeet.

So when you are out in any setting and are looking to Skeet, you many run into these obstacles. You may get shot down by some retiree with a ring on her finger. Then you realize the next girl you are talking is uptight, sober, and only talks about herself. So you bail on the conversation as quickly as possible with a bathroom break. Then the volunteers may be scarce that night. With the one's left over, other guys may have already staked their territory. But you still wanna skeet by the end of the night. You may be sick of going home drunk and trying different grips like they're positions. So there is no option left other than a working girl. They are hungry and ready to earn. Only problem is, you just paid your cell-phone bill so it didn't get shut-off. On top of that, the rent being due in 3 days is lingering in the back of your mind. This is where the Skeet & Beat comes in very handy.

Lets say you are going to use a website like Back-page. These rules I provide are very standard. Can be used with live working girls too. But if your not at a whore house your options will be limited live. So again were going with an internet method here. First, you do not want any black girls. They want their money and they will figure out a way to get it. The bitches are Gangsta. You could get shanked. So do not stop on a dark photo if you aren't planning on paying. Next, Asians are a no-go. They look down on white people and feel they are better than them. So they will not engage without getting paid first. No money, no love you long time. That leaves white girls and Spanish girls. Do not call either of these if they are throwing up gang signs in their pic. They most likely will have a pimp and you will have to deal with the headache of them calling your phone and telling you to meet them in the lobby. Some may even come to your room and pound on the door. So lets forget about these ghetto hoes. Also never fall for the 2 girl special. These girls are all about business generally. When you call, make sure you make small talk. Profile them. Ask questions about what they like to drink and if they ever funneled a beer. Then ask, whats the longest drug bender they ever been on. If they say they haven't slept in 3 days at the time you talk to them, they are perfect. You are looking for a party girl. An ex-volunteer who is trying to make some extra money on her hard times. Also younger the better. You want them to be naive and gullible. Talk them into believing things. Plus with the less casino knowledge they have the better it is for some of my later tactics.

OK so now you have found the one. A 21 year old white space cadet who is already drinking and wants to come meet. She gets a ride to the casino from her GF and promises her gas money out of her pay. As soon as she gets to the room already have music playing. Preferably hip-hop, but any type of party music will work. Offer her a drink. If she acts timid or tries to say no, tell her she is a buzz-kill and that your not pounding your drink till she pounds hers. Tell her how your just up there having a good time and are a professional gambler. After a few drinks you flash the cash. If you are short on cash you can always go to the cage and break a $50 for ones, then wrap it in a C-note. If you were down to your last tourney buy-in, make sure to snag a low-denomination chip off the table. Like 2 non-value 100 chips and a non-value 500 chip before you bust. You can flash those and she will never know the difference. After all you are a professional gambler. Those are your tools. For those who did not play the tourney or took such a bad beat that they stormed off without grabbing some. There is a $2.50 chip. Bum 3 singles off someone and go to the cage to buy one. Leave the 50 cent tip for future run-good. These rookie broads will never know the difference. You can sell her on that being a $250 chip if you position your thumb properly. Then last but not least there is the credit phone call. You act like a real big-shot and say you have so much money that it is impossible to lug around. You put the house phone on speaker, then get connected with the cage. As soon as this skank hear's "cashier cage, how can I help you?" you pick up the phone to talk. You start talking like a boss. "Yes, this is Mr. Franklin. I just wanted to make sure my second $100k marker has come through." you pause, "That is excellent, I will be down shortly to sign" pause again, "Oh no, (rich man laugh) I will try to make it last longer than an hour this time, see you soon." Then hang up. Boom! This broad thinks your loaded and the cash is in the cage. She is willing do every fantasy you could think of for you. She is already thrilled thinking about the big pay-day.

After a couple more drinks you get to business. You tell her you don't usually have to pay for girls if she asks for the money up front. Remind her you are a big-deal and big-deal's don't pay for pussy. Re-assure her she will paid nicely with a bonus, but to please not make you feel uncomfortable with the transaction prior. Action time! Whatever your cup of tea is. If you pulled off the advanced play of the cage phone call you might even get the backdoor flush draw. But either way she is swallowing. But let's not dwell on the nasty details. You are now done with her. You have finished the first half, the Skeet. Now time to go for the Beat. There is many options available here. You can say you want to give her a good tip, but you have to run down to the ATM to get the extra cash. You can either check-out and she probably will end up locked out of the room before she would do any damage. You can come back and say you seen a hot craps table and wanted to make her and even better tip because she was your lady luck. Then tell her how the table went cold and you just wanted to get her what she deserved. But are now bust. Tell her you had a good time though and have her number. You will make it up to her tomorrow when your daily withdrawal limit is available again. You can also just send her on her way with the tourney chips or the sneaky $2.50 chip. Tell her to go to the cage, but not to act like a rookie. She doesn't want to draw attention when cashing in such large denomination chips. With the marker play, you tell her you guys have to go down to the cage to get it. Bring her to the longest line and tell her that this is one of the only lines for markers. Then tell her to hold your spot, you are going to check out another VIP cage section that might be open. Obviously return to your room immediately.

There is many angles to be worked on this play. I gave you a basic strategy guide and wish you all the best.


Skeet & Beat


Copyright ©2014 WarmDeck. All rights reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Prelude to future Skeet & Beat stories

Missing Poker Jays' Hangover

Warmdeck,
Like many others I have lurked on here for a long time but never posted. Joined and subscribed because of your stories though. Amazing, man. You write extremely well (considering), and your stories are all extremely engaging and flow really easily. I'm sure you could find success either on youtube or with a book. One route that I believe was mentioned was writing e-books on amazon. If you did that you would: A. Start generating money off these stories(I would pay for sure).
B. Have material to take to a major publisher for a bigger deal OR be able to hire someone to help you refine your writing and coach you on keeping you out of trouble with the law and the GF.

I personally think the kickstarter/vegas idea was solid. Like you said (maybe could have been more clear, but w/e) you were just spit balling and looking for feedback. I don't know if this is feasible, but you could think about tiers for the kickstarter so that @ 3k total funds its a trip with everyone to AC for 4 days, 5k 1 week in AC with everyone, 10k 1 week in vegas with just poker jay, strip poker steve and 2 girls, and so on. Either way, I would def throw in 25-100 just for the trip report.

My only critique would be to ignore the trolls. It's almost all out of jealousy anyway. You ****ing rock man, a true degen with no bull**** embellishment. Keep it coming.

Thanks man! I've had some pretty positive feedback from most. But this is my favorite response so far. Appreciate it, hope you enjoy the last story I just finished. It's one of my favorites so far.

triplebarrelbluffs,

So I was just thinking about your thoughts on writing and the trip. One thing is, I'm pretty sure after reading the KS site rules, there is no tier option available. It's either fully funded or nothing. I think maybe I should make it an actual book publishing project/trip report combo. I mean it doesn't cost me anything to write. I could actually take my time and write out stories better then these quick ones. Maybe do a book of 12 good short stories of my life experiences. Make sure I'm descriptive and detailed. Give the extra stuff I'm leaving out on these. Then I could give that as a reward for a pledge. I would still use the money to publish enough real copies to send out to everyone that pledged and use the remaining balance still for a trip report. That way no one could complain about not receiving something tangible. I could have basically 2 rewards. Trip report access, then that plus a copy of the book. The copy of the book one obviously set higher. Not sure how long it would take me to get the whole publishing thing done, but I think I could definitely get 12 thorough stories completed by the time I was planning on going anyway. Then I will have a book complete and could always market that on e-books for anyone who is interested. Let me know what you think.

I'd absolutely contribute to a Kickstarter, whether it ends up being AC, Vegas, or something else. You can hold me to it (at least to the extent that anyone is accountable on the internet).

Props to the mods for banning mrunholy.

that's gold, jerry, gold!