MORE STORIES PLEASE. YOU ROCK OP!!! I Loved every story

Sorry, that's just how I feel. However, you know I like your stories as I have complimented them in more than one post, so lets hurry up an have some moar!

I was just about to banstick and realized I was in BBV. Can we move this to OOT or something?

It would still be awesome to ban that guy. He makes OP to waste his time, instead of writing MOAR awesome stories.

lol Springfield. I grew up in Worcester myself but have frequented Springfield on many occasions and can verify it's dumpy and white trashness.

Great stories though...MOAR!

What does Poker Jay do for a living?

Springfield isn't the nicest place. High crime, run down, etc.. Def not a safe place. Still some nice surrounding towns and good people. As far as white trash I wouldn't necessarily say that. All color trash. Springfield is very mixed, if you've ever been out here you should know that. Were suppose to be getting a casino soon. So I look forward to that.

Poker Jay is a thrifty, crafty, panhandler who coasts through life. He's like a high-rolling street bum. He can make a dollar out of 15 cans. All other bums are envious of him and he is always at the top of the luckiest bum of all time debate. Bums sit around burning trash cans and tell Poker Jay stories. Definitely in a league of his own.

**** all these pathetic trolls OP, just keep doin your thing

Slot Guru Part 1

I first met the Guru about 4 years ago. He was a close friend of my girls younger cousin. The guru was a nice easy going kid who seemed to be into poker and cars. Every time we would cross paths he would question/compliment me about my car and ask about poker. I decided one day to take him and the cousin both down to the casino for their first trip. They were 21 and extremely excited. We sat and played 1-2 NL for a little bit. Then I put them both in the nightly tourney. They had played local bar tourneys and messed around online, but this was a big deal to them. Made them happy and gave me time to gamble it up on table games. The cousin busted first and came to sweat me trying to break even on Spanish 21. I managed to get even on the day after getting back their buy-ins and all. The cousin had told me the Guru was doing pretty well. I went to check on him, he had a ton of chips and was so happy. He was actually fairly bad at poker but must have been getting good hands vs the other bad players. Shortly into railing him, he lost like 3 quarters of his stack to the other big stack at the table. The Guru got it all-in on the flop with AQ vs A9, on an AA5 flop. River 9 must have stung him for sure. I told him to just play good and try to get it back.

About 10 minutes later he was looking for the cousin and I. On the ride home the Guru had seemed a bit heartbroken about the way the tournament played out. I think half of it was, he really wanted to impress me and kept stressing the fact of the bad beat he took. He told me he wanted to go back and thanked me over and over for bringing him. I was just glad I made their day.

Over the next year or so I believe, I didn't have too much contact with either of them. They would practically beg me to come play at their small buy-in house games, like I was a Poker Superstar. I did a few times here and there. They would all question me about what's the most I've ever won, biggest loss, etc. Then came the day when the Guru called me and asked to borrow $500 to put a down payment on a car. He told me he would pay me back that week, but couldn't get his hands on the cash right that moment. That was fine and he came by to pick up the cash. He was working as a server at the time and wanted a car bad. When he stopped by, he had told me about the car he wanted to get and I asked him what happened to the other car he had. He said he sold it a few months prior to help his mom catch up on the mortgage. Supposedly her BF/common law husband was going to pay the Guru back soon. He was borrowing her car for work in the meantime. After a bit of talking he headed down to put a deposit on the car. I guess once he got there, they told him somebody had bought it in the time span of when he talked to the salesman on the phone 2 hours earlier. He brought the $500 back and seemed heartbroken again. The guru was good at giving off that sad puppy dog vibe. He played the victim role really well. Always seemed like someone was taking advantage of him or getting over on him. I had even heard a story a couple months earlier where another kid his age had ripped him off for some cash. I tried to contact the older siblings/cousins of the kid who ripped him off to resolve it, but had no luck and didn't care to force the issue. I felt bad and offered to take him on a trip to the casino to get his mind off of things being the degen that I am.

The Guru was a pretty bad degen already. He would go to work and spend all his tip money on scratch tickets and cigarettes when he stopped at the convenience store on the way home. He would sit outside and scratch while chain smoking. Then exchange the winners for more until he was broke. His only two priorities was making sure the needle was barely above E and paying his portion off the cell phone bill to his mother. I guess he was the home game donkey too. All the kids his age loved when he stopped in and donked off his $20 bullets.

So we made plans to go a couple nights from then when he had time off from work. He said he was going to save every dollar from his next few shifts. He busted his ass and had $300 a couple nights later. I booked a Sky suite at Mohegan and headed down. I don't remember all the details, but I think he blew his $300 on slots and black/red on roulette. I had brought him to the lounge to eat and relax. I started drinking. He wasn't big on drinking and had maybe one or two the whole night. We talk and I decide to lend him $300 to get his losses back. He said he was just going to play poker. 3 hours later we met in the lounge for a drink again. The $300 I lent him was gone. He was sick about it and I tried to put him in a better mood. I told him that I will give him more money tomorrow because he is tilted right now. He was happy with that news and ordered a drink. Nothing to exciting happened the rest of the night. He did try picking up some drunk girl n the lounge. She was like 10 years older than him. He tried hard but couldn't get her back to the room. I gambled it up and was winning a little. I actually gave him another $100 that he wouldn't have to pay back later that night. He torched it on slots.

The next morning we get up and he is very eager to get back out there and win his/my money back. He was showered and ready to go. I told him I would lend him another $500 but he should play smart. Owing me $800 was a very big deal to him. He kept reassuring me that his mom and her BF owed him a little over $3k and he was getting that soon. So worst case scenario he could pay me with that. As soon as that $500 touched his hand he was gone. I called up my buddy Chris to come hang out and play poker. We played poker for a bit then went back to the room to relax and figure out what we wanted to do that night. Its been about 5 hours since I've last seen the Guru. My phone rings and he can barely talk he is so happy. I guess he was down to his last $100 and went on a slot run. He was on his way back up to the room and I told him to just talk to me then. When he walked through the door it was the happiest I ever seen him. He handed me $800 and still had $600 on him. We let him cool down and he told us how he hit back to back machines. One for $500 and the other for $800. Well I tell him he is on fire and lets head back down. He has big money on his mind because he wants to buy a car ASAP. So he asks me where the big machines are. I take him to the $5 WOF's, and he sticks in $100. First $10 spin he hits for a bonus spin. Lands $1,000, he is jumping around cheering and high-fiving. He cashes that out and plays a couple more spins on other machines. I tell him we should go to roulette next. He buys in for $200 in nickels and after like 10 spins, had a profit of $500. He couldn't smoke the cigarettes fast enough. He hands me $100 for helping him and kind of paying back for the extra $100 I gave him the night before. I then take him to a mini-baccarat table and tell him to just pick player or banker. He is skeptical but wins 6 straight hands of $50 a hand. I tell him he needs to up his bet because he is hot right now. I don't think he felt comfortable at this simple game, but he put up $100 and lost. That was a big bet to him and he wanted to get off the table. He really wanted to hit the slots because he had a love for slots that I didn't know.

The Guru decided to play slot machines and started losing. He could sit for hours and stare at these machines while chain smoking. I thought it was kind of odd for a 21-23 year old guy to enjoy doing this. The only other game he seemed to enjoy was roulette. He loved the 8 and the 12. So now the Guru had $2k in his pocket and we headed up to the room to regroup. He proceeded to call his sister and tell her about his big score. He searched Craigslist for a used car and even posted on FB what he planned on buying with his new winnings. He found a car for maybe $5k. He looked at me and said he needs to at least double his $2k to get it. So back to slots and roulette. I tried helping him cut his losses. He didn't understand what was wrong. 12 and 8 weren't landing. The one time 12 hit, he forget to place it and looked sick. The slots weren't going into bonus rounds. He looked dazed and confused. I tell him we should grab a drink and cool down. I end up locking up $500 in chips, of the $1k he has left in the safe for him to bring home the next day no matter what. He bled that other $500 away over the course of the night. The alcohol he consumed helped with the sting of losing.

The next morning we get up and it is time to head home. He looked very distraught and depressed. That roller coaster ride he took where he once had $2,300 in his hand, had him spent. He had his hopes on a cheap used car to buy when he got home. I told him at least he had $500 and that was $200 more than what he came with. Plus the fact that he paid me back the $800 he owed me. I open the safe and take him down to get him into the lounge for breakfast. I'm going to head back up and pack/check-out, then meet him at the valet. We stopped at the cage before the lounge to cash in his $500 in chips. I told him to take all ones so he didn't get tempted to stick any in a slot machine while I was packing. The slots don't accept ones so he shouldn't have a problem. He took my advice on only $100 of it. The other $400 he took large.

About 30 minutes later I finish checking out and head to the valet. The Guru is sitting on a bench looking miserable. I asked him what happened. He lost the $400 he had on $5 slots trying to get that big score again. I said "You don't have anything left?" He pulled out roughly 70 something single dollar bills. He said he bought an $18 pack of cigarettes and a soda. I was never really a slot degen and I thought he had it bad. He looked like he hit rock bottom as we waited for valet to bring up the car. He didn't talk much the ride home either. I think he took those loose ones to a home game that night and lost it all. But this was the start of many trips with him to the casino. He was hooked.

Part 2 coming next...


<removed on request of OP>he took I found on his You-tube.

<removed on request of OP>
One he took of me torching a $100 bill for his recording pleasure.

I feel like slot guru is just going to be a misery case.

loool at the $100 brick slot-pull

In b4 modest slot degening gets him room comps out of his league.

fun read..i was at foxwoods the first day it opened

they planned on shutting down for 4 hours a night to clean but the never did

OP, do you really believe in a roulette system?

I heard about this. I didn't make my first trip until 2004. But that would be awful if this place shut down for 4 hours a night.
I 100% don't believe in any betting system. As far as dealer signature things go, I have believed in it. It makes it much easier to believe when your winning of course. For example if you had a dealer who was picking up the ball and doing the same timing and and spin release over and over, I feel that helps. Also a dealer who doesn't kick the wheel. Leaving it at the same rotation speed helps. The wheel design and weight of the ball can vary. You would want deep pockets over scallop pockets. Sometimes you can find these patterns, whether its random or its actually these certain factors dictating where the ball lands IDK. But I would always jump on these patterns and play the sections of neighbors where I think the ball will land. So if the ball is consistently landing 180 degrees, you would bet the exact opposite side of where the ball just landed for the next spin. A good dealer is obviously the most helpful. I had went on long runs of winning in roulette, only playing tables with good dealers and watching for the patterns. It could be a bunch of BS. But either way, superstitions/gut feelings/patterns make gambling so much more fun.

Slot Guru Part 2

The Guru and I have been in contact much more since our last casino trip. He wanted to return ASAP. I told him we would go again, as soon as he had time off from work. He met me the next weekend ready to make his return. He had worked all week but only had $120 to go with this time. I guess he had really kicked up his scratch-off play. Well we hit the road anyway. I stopped for gas before the highway and he started to give me scratch ticket intel. He told me that he purchased so many of a certain ticket that the big winner must be close. I filled up and grabbed the $10 ticket he recommended. I don't scratch often, but when I do, I like to squeeze. I only scratch enough to see the number to the right. So a 14 will only show 4. I do this for most of the numbers and tell him I must have a big winner. I tell him I matched numbers and I'm splitting the winnings with him for the solid intel. I go to pull off and he wants me to wait so we can cash in the ticket. I still haven't scratched any prizes and told him I wasn't sure how much we won. He wanted cash for the casino, so I handed him the ticket to let him scratch off the winners. He started to scratch the prize area for the few numbers I left to make look like a winner. First prize he see's is $10k. He starts going crazy and telling me how he knew the winner was there, and that's why he's been dumping all his tips on them every night. Next prize shows $5k and he is like "This has to be a $25k winner!" Then he scratched a $50 prize and was confused. At that point he scratched around all the numbers and realized the ticket was a complete loser. He was so disappointed. I thought it was funny of course. He said we were so close to winning, that he hopes nobody buys any until we get back.

We get down to the casino and check into a regular room. The Guru had no intentions of playing poker and immediately headed to the slots to play. I took a shower and called his cell phone on my way downstairs. He said the machines he picked were terrible and had no money left. I told him I would come meet him because he still wasn't too familiar with the casino. I found him about 10 minutes later lurking around the slots looking at every machine kind of slow. I tapped him on his shoulder and he showed me a $1.10 voucher. He said he found it in a machine. This later became what he called "sniping". A specialty play of his and what he was known for. I told him to relax, that I would lend him some money.

I went to meet my mom and step-father to get them into the lounge. I introduced them to the Guru and we all had a drink and a little to eat. My mom is a long time slot player and goes maybe once a month or so. She had been tightening up her losses in the recent years, but still loves to play them. My step-father doesn't really care for gambling and will enjoy the pool, drinks, food, etc. They were staying the night and I ended up saying goodbye and good luck.

We both went back up to the room. I tried to tell him to slow down on the slots and give him a little lecture. I asked him how much he wanted. He said $200 was enough for now. I told him to hang out in the room for a bit because I'm waiting on a few people. About 15 minutes later Poker Jay had arrived and was already buzzing from all the Tangueray & Tonics he had put down while scalping tickets for the show that night. These two have never met and Jay was in one of his loud and funny moods. He started giving the Guru a hard time. Saying that I found a new guy to carry my bags. That the Guru stole his job. The Guru sat there kind of quiet and almost in awe of Poker Jay. Jay started making drinks while still making jokes and giving the Guru a hard time for being so quiet. Half way into our first drink the 2 girls arrived that I invited. I knew this one blonde girl from back home and she brought her fat friend. I had to keep warning Jay to be nice and not to have a field day on the big girl. The big girl was cool though. I already knew she liked to suck dick. She had blown me one morning at the casino already. The good looking blonde that I knew liked to come up to the casino, so I would invite her up to smash her out. She usually brought the big girl. So one night we had a drunken argument over something stupid. I had a small suite that night and she ended up sleeping on the living room side. When she moved out to the couch, she kicked her fat friend off it and the friend snuck into my bed. She kept her space and everything, but she was what I first seen when I woke up. I was still drunk because I drank so much the night before and realized the Blonde was in the other room. I gave the fat girl a look and she was awake. I then got up on my knees on the bed and put my finger over my mouth telling her to be quiet. Then I just put my dick in her mouth and she blew me until I busted. The blonde never found out. Well anyways I start telling Jay to relax that this girl will hook up with him if he's nice. We finish our drinks and head downstairs while the girls get ready.

The Guru lasted 10 minutes with that $200 on roulette and asked for $300 this time. Poker Jay was just watching us play roulette. I was winning but the Guru only plays his favorite numbers and they weren't hitting. He thought he would have better luck at slots. He bummed a cig off another guy at the roulette table and was on his way. I got up $1k and decided to hit the lounge for drinks with Jay. He was hungry and always said free food taste the best. So we bull****ted for a bit until the girls came down to meet us. They had some drinks with us and I was starting to get buzzed. We went and messed around on slots and table games just having fun and getting drunk. The Guru called me and said he was bust again. He asked me if he could use my card to buy a pack of cigarettes with my points. I said fine and told him to meet me back in the room because I was meeting my buddy Chris there. He looked pretty flustered when he came in. I was drunk and offered him more money. He was a little hesitant, but took another $500. This put him in a better mood and he took a shot. Him and Poker Jay started goofing around and were playing rock-paper-scissors for $5 a game. Guru kept winning and Jay accused him of cheating, that he must be looking in the mirror behind him and seeing what he was about to throw from behind his back. It was pretty funny watching these 2 bicker. It's like they were competing for my assistant position. They moved away from the mirror and Jay still couldn't win. He was down $30 and resorted to dynamite. The next throw, Guru threw rock and Jay threw out just his index finger and said he won. Guru was like WTF, but Jay insisted it was dynamite and it blew up the rock. They argued for a bit while Jay says you can use the almighty dynamite, but only once every 5 throws. Guru finally agreed because Jay said he wouldn't pay if he didn't let it fly. Next throw Guru threw dynamite and Jay threw scissors. Guru was like "BOOM! I blew you up, now were even." Poker Jay "Goes uh uh, I cut the wick!" We all started dying laughing at these two idiots. They ended up in a wrestling match at this point and Jay was losing. Guru was choking him out from behind. So Jay told him he gave up, and to let him go. As soon as Guru started to let go, Jay hit him with the Stone Cold Stunner. I couldn't take it anymore and told everyone to go downstairs.

More drunken antics go on and the Guru is off gambling. It's starting to get late and we end up back in the room again. It's Jay, Chris, Me, and the 2 girls. The girls smoked and wanted me to order food. So we called up room service and ordered a bunch of food. Just as room service was arriving, so was the Guru and he was another $500 light. He owed me $1k at this point. We all started picking at the food and let the big girl do her thing. I end up giving him another $500 and he is determined to get the money back. We tell him he doesn't look like a winner though. So we made he change into my clothes. Not that I'm a fashion guy, but the Guru had cheap terrible clothes. Even his sneakers were in bad shape. So we throw some True Religions on him, a fitted hat, clean t-shirt, and some Air Max. We have him believing he is going to run over the casino now. We have him take a shot with all of us and head downstairs. The girls were stoned and about to pass out from eating so we just left them there.

The Guru started winning! He hit a slot for $300 right away and started slot hopping. About 10 minutes into us rooting on his comeback a new girl I had met that worked at the casino text me. She wanted to hang out, so I told her to come meet me in the lobby. We all left Guru on the slots to go back up to the room. Once we got up there, the blonde was passed out and the big girl was just watching TV and digesting. The girl I brought up kind of felt awkward and was like who are these girls. I said they were nobodies and made us drinks. The big girl knew her friend would be pissed but she didn't say much. The blonde was completely knocked out and Jay started putting food in her hair and stuff. Holding a pickle to her face like she was blowing him. At this point the big girl started defending the blonde and kept trying to wake her up. To let her know what Jay was doing to her. She woke up and wasn't happy about me having the other girl in room. She was like "REALLY?" then grabbed her bags and left with the big girl. Jay was a little upset that he wasn't getting that blowjob he looked forward to now.

Chris ends up leaving and I tell Jay to take a walk. I'm banging this girl for a while and I remember the Guru come walking in and walking right back out once he see's us going at it. All the lights were on we acted like we had the room to ourselves. I eventually pass out with this girl. I wake up the next morning and roll over to see Jay laying in the other bed. The room is a disaster with food thrown everywhere. I ask Jay "Where's Guru?" He said that he was frantically trying to wake me up, and was just pacing around the room when I wouldn't. He says he think he left because he heard him on the phone with someone. Turns out, he lost the other $500 and was sick about it. He couldn't sleep and was really stressed. He claims that he forgot he had to be to work which is bull****. He just probably intended on winning at the casino, then calling out. I guess he went through my phone contact list while I was sleeping and called my mom at like 8am. He told her that he needed a ride to work or he was going to lose his job. He told her I wouldn't wake up and he was was scared about getting fired. She got up, left early, and gave him a ride home. I wasn't to happy about this move he pulled but whatever.

Jay and I end up just playing poker all day long, then driving home later. The Guru finally called me and gave me his sob story. That $1,500 debt with me was killing him. He said he was going to pay me back soon. He went to his grandmother to get a loan from her to pay me that week. Once he squared up he was ready to go back. This whole torching money thing would repeat time after time. He owed me his whole tax return at one point. Then had to get bailed out by his grandmother another time. He owed me $2,700 for a while and was having trouble paying it. So I had to cut off the credit line. But that didn't stop him from coming. I was at the casino one time and he was upset he missed a ride down with me. He had $80 to his name and begged his step-dad for a ride down. He packed a bag and showed up with $30 after paying his step-dad $50 for the ride. That's when the sniping would come into play. He would hunt down machines with money left behind. I've seen him go on some pretty crazy runs. Turn 80 cents into $100. He did this more times than you would think possible. His best run was a $20 bill he found laying on the ground. He ran that up to $360. One thing was certain with him, he never, not once, left a winner after that original trip with the $75 in ones. I would abuse him so much for torching money that I would only call him the Money Torch. I even designed him a custom pair of sneakers off NIKEID. The left heal read MONEY and the right TORCH. They were fire red of course. He loved them and needed new sneakers anyway.

He loved the slots, he would tell everyone about them. What machines were good, best payouts, etc. It was too funny when you would walk up behind him and this 23 year old guy is sitting there smoking. Then a 60 something year old lady would sit down on a slot next to him. He would look over and say "Oh, hey Nancy. How the grandkids?" Then she would respond with "They're great Guru, I thought you were going to quit smoking." He would actually carry around a knot of vouchers like it was a knot of cash. Many of them didn't have much on them. He would use the small ones to tip with. The whole Slot Guru thing was a joke we all had going one night when we were back in the room and got high. We said he should start doing seminars on slots. That he would have infomercials with lines like "Tired of losing?.. Sick of not getting those big payouts you see everyone else hit?.. CALL NOW!" That he could give away the insider tips & tricks, and show people how to show up at the casino with virtually nothing and make $100 off slots.

It was amazing how a kid who made **** for money blew like $15k on slots. It was obviously my fault for allowing him to borrow. He ended up having to go to GA meetings after the 2nd loan from his grandmother. I told him he should recruit some of the others at the meeting for his home games. He didn't last long with those meetings. He decided he didn't have a gambling problem, he said he had a losing problem. He eventually couldn't take the losing anymore and joined the Army. I wrote him while he was in boot camp. He has cut back gambling tremendously since he got back. But is still occasionally found grinding a slot machine on the reservations.


The Guru on the way down to the casino about to receive his $500 loan

<removed on request of OP>
From his You-Tube of him taking a video of me hitting a number on roulette

<removed on request of OP>
He was a big fan of Staind. I was able to get him front & center comp tickets to the show at Mohegan for him and his friends. He was so happy and didn't stop bragging about how he caught a guitar pick. I didn't know much about the group. Only that I banged the ex-drummers, ex-wife.

LMAO!

Kept rooting for the slot guru hoping for a happy ending but it never came through

Love the "Money Torch"!

These other characters are hilarious, don't know who is funnier, Strip Poker Steve, the Slot Guru or Poker Jay.

hilarious omg

I live my degen life vicariously through you. Keep up the great stories man 👍👍👍

+1. Can u imagine the possibilities 0.0

This thread just keeps delivering. I'm halfway through right now, thanks for the read man. Honestly, this has to be the top thread on 2p2.

This thread is pure win, good stuff keep it up!