Long time lurker first time poster. Sorry for the length. Might be worth it. Your loose call.

So, one August night my friend convinces me we should get some prostitutes. Never had one, despite living for a couple months in Costa Rica where you can **** a hot Tica stripper in the club for around $50-$80 usd depending on hotness.

We order two and I'm nervous so I decide to pop half a Viagra for the first time ever and smoke some weed. Viagra only seems to make me super energetic and the hookers never show. Kinda pleased because I don't think I could have lived it down.

Proceed to get white girl wasted alone and go to buy smokes at the 24h store around the corner. At this point I had pounded some vodka and done a 2 mg xan. Absolutely demolished at this point.

Go to the store, buy smokes, get back to my condo building (which has one of those stupid sensor swipe locks). Realize I don't have my keys, go back to the store, accuse poor teenager of stealing my keys, leave store.

So now it's about 5:30 am sun is coming up and I'm searching in the trees planted in the sidewalk for my keys. Proceed to smash my face into the metal grate where the tree is planted. Go back to the store, dunno what buddy thinks, but somehow he doesn't call cops (white privilege for the win, pretty sure if I was black in balti would have been arrested or worse at this point)

Go back to my condo, poor little Asian man let's me in eventually coming back from his morning walk. Try to offer him money but he runs away. Find my keys by the elevator. Pass out for 12 hours.

Wake up with pillow caked in blood and noise complaint email from tight ass building admin. Six hours late for work but I have a good track record somehow so they let it slide.

Vicious hang over cured with hair off the dog. It's about six pm now and I have a softball game in an hour and a gigantic cut above my eye. Thankfully no long term damage but it's pretty gnarly.

Now this is beginner self-pitch coed softball and I'm our all star short stop. Life goals people. Show up wasted on my bicycle and my team wants me to go to the hospital. **** that, let's play ball.

Miss every catch including cutoffs from the out field. Go 0-4 at the plate with two strikeouts. Other team considers calling an ambulance at this point. At no point had I decided a band aid was needed.

Take a cab to a poker club because I ain't sleeping anytime soon. Pop another bar (xan) on the way to the club. Proceed to lose 2k in two hours at 2/5 NL. I'm sure there were some interesting hands. Zero recollection and flow.

Take another cab to the casino now. Don't really remember much there except I eventually got kicked out for losing my keys and freaking out about it. Never did get those keys back (universe gave me one chance) and the building charges forty bucks for a replacement.

TLR

In the end, the entire day and a half finished up with:

2.5k poker loss
About $100 in drink and dro
1 scared Asian man
0 hookers
0 keys
0-4 at the plate

Moral of the story: stay away from the xans children

Let's be friends lemonade. You're awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

xanax is the devil

I have another one that will make your skin crawl

-be 23
-got bank money
-1.3k in cash for my roll at the time
-got called that day to go to a city an hour away and played with a few hoes and ran some escorts and picked them up at the end of night and cleared an extra $300
-Hit the gym in the morning there and run into some fools afterwards and end up playing dice with the crips. double my money almsot instantly and they are all busto so as anyone knows i buy a sound system and some various items to put me back to even.
-A few more players show up and we play some more and i lose everything and have to sell back the sound system plus the extra i lost
-Have to drive home to get my flat screen, iphone and a coffee table lmao

-Get back to game and am even, get rolled by a few bloods

$0 and no tv phone or coffee table

A month later - i got an anonymous call and voicemail that i had 1k in an envelope in my car(my car was lockeed) apologizing for the inconvenience and to come back to the game anytime.

I'd have to disagree.

I always try to pop half a bar before an 8-12 hour session of poker at the casino. It really chills me out, and prevents me from becoming inpatient and going on tilt when I run cold for a few hours.

I popped a Xanax before my biggest winning session (won $1000 at low stakes). I only remember one or two hands from the whole night, but I somehow managed to win a grand.

I was once out of Xanax and decided to pop half a Klonopin instead. Bad idea. My head felt like it was spinning and I could barely concentrate on the game. Proceeded to lose $500 (playing low stakes NLH).

thinking emoji

On a trip to Vegas. Too ****ing destroyed to even cry right now. I know down 3k and maxing out credit cards isn't much by degen standards, but if I only played NL cash I'd be up 1200. My sole remaining live money is on the five guys recommended by the Economist to bet on in the Masters (at odds ranging from 33/1 to 200/1).

I have a favorite roulette bet, the 9 or 11 or 13 numbers surrounding 8 on the wheel -- out of the 7 times I placed it in one day, it came up ONCE. Between a quarter and a third of the ****ing wheel and I miss six out of seven times?! I'm not asking to run like God, I just want my fair ****ing share of breaks to go my way.

Blackjack somehow wasn't as awful but still had some bull**** in store. ******ed Aria pit boss has 2 $50 tables with 3/2 and 1 $10 table (with 6/5 -- eat a dick) at 7 AM on a Thursday. Went to play at Caesar's and found a 6-deck game way better than anything I'd seen in MD or NJ. Every time I split AA I would get 2s and As, even on high enough counts to take insurance, every double got a 5 or 6, every time I had a stiff hand and needed a bust the dealer managed to pull out whatever magical combination of 3s and 2s and As needed to get him to 17 or 18.

Video poker can also suck a dick. I must have started with three to a royal dozens of goddamn times on those stupid 100 play machines and not once have I hit a single one -- you're telling me after tens of thousands of shots at a 1 in 1081 proposition I'm still coming up completely ****ing dry?

This whole week has been my classic cycle of either winning money at NL cash, then torching it at tournaments or pit games, or torching money at NL cash shot-taking and throwing even more at the pit to get it back. For five glorious hours on Monday I was even; the rest of the time I've just been clawing my way up from whatever I pulled out of the ATM to being within *one ****ing bet* of even, whiffing hard on that, and watching it all collapse from there.

I need to quit table games (except BJ once I learn how to count properly) and VP (never really a slot guy) for goddamn ever, period, full stop. Thinking about hiring someone to check on me periodically and writing a legal contract where I have to slash my wrists -- not like fatally, just enough to make an obvious emo kid scar -- if I tell them I've played pit games or VP, or even BJ/sports for more than a certain amount without an edge. Other options are giving them a donation check to mail to Westboro Baptist Church or NAMBLA.

Should probably quit poker too. All I have to do until Sunday is stare at the wall of this hotel room and try not to jump off the fake Eiffel Tower at Paris while I wonder where my rungood went (not that it was ever around to begin with). I could make it all right with one five figure tournament score but I think I'll just drink in bed for the next four days until I get lit enough to kick coffee tables and climb trees naked like our patron saint

Aw, man, that's so brutal. This made me chuckle out loud though, it'd haunt me too

Put together a 9k run at Hollywood hard rock playing high limit bj. Quit for the day see friends and family, smoke some trees, life is good. Next day decide to go hit them for 'a small amount' and get up another 1500 and my dad calls. Decide to miss his call and play a couple more hands. 20 minutes later I'm down 6k and have 2 2k bets out with a soft 7 and an 11 against a 4. Decide to double both to get it all back (what I'm down plus what I was up). Dealer pulls 6 card 21. Luckily a pulled a face card on the 11 and whiffed the soft 7 so only lost 4K but could've won 8k (12k swing in like 9 seconds). So I do as most of us would do and dump the rest so instead of winning 10k on the trip I dirted about 8k.

I if your mom gave you a good childhood be extra nice and make sure you help her out if she degen without a pension, single mom bringing you up place your self her shoes she wants you to be good boy.

If she nags and was bad mom when kid then by all means dip that purse bro

Just my honest option
,

Its on turd face

You got your car broken into and they left you a g? If true that is super weird ?

Mumbai Indians 10/11 ill 20/20 cricket set me up for nice weekend binge or a ghey weekend sit in

Weekend telly is like aids makes me so depressed when have no weekend outs.

Let it ride on knight riders 20/20 ill 4/5 wins getting a 120 pound escort just hope they look like they do in profile for change.

Figured it was just a UC that felt for me and decided I was a good one

Wrong person to quote bro, just giving advice. Also, you make close to 0 sense. Is it okay to steal from your parents if they nag you?!

Really question is how good was your mom as a parent would you rate her 1 for bad or ten for best mommy ever?

Really question is should I put all my winnings on Delhi daredevils?

On knight raiders in play at looking good will be 3 wins on bounce, thinking putting on Delhi but doubt have the balls to risk the lot.

Am sure your mom is really nice, tell her I said hi and have a nice day.

Lost the lot put money on stars lost a hand in PLO so was raising to get in flip lost all four on bounce, was getting it in pre with one ace in hand which was super dumb as always aa I was flipping with obv on zoom, banned myself 60 days pissed of,

Can't even play know, put rest on Salford re devils rugby league, bet was down after 20 mins got smashed, left with only bills and food money after running super hot.

Weekend in playing team fortress 2 on Valium and beer

At least I was lights out by 6pm.

That's why house games are the worst for me if I win on bj or roulette I will take a small win knowing I can walk away happy, because I know bad run could happen at any time.

But if I lose at start I will chase what I lost

So even win small or lose it all

Can walk past pit games now because I know this

Will play slots but will only put say £100 in and play 50 pence spin

Set auto spin till played 1000 spins and will walk away when lose it or cash out whatever credit left

Slots are fun to kill time and have fun

Bj and other pit games are like have sex with sexy woman and cumming after 5 pumps.

of course i go down to AC again and its like they know. i only bring 200$ play black jack walk away up 150$ get a meal and ready to go home. a normal day and a nice way to kill time bet 10 min on the BJ table. I check my offers i have 25 slot dollars the GN is giving me . I go play Buffalo Gold cause i like the you tube videos. I max bet 360 get the bonus and 10 min later i win 1900$. great now i have to pay taxes..... I go play another slot machine i see on youtube Buffalo grand win another 250$ i go back to blackjack and lose 350$. I actually walk out up around 1800$.

The bad thing is now i am sucked in. Its like the GN knows im going to play poker and win there take peoples monye then go on tilt and lose it all in BJ again. the cycle continues.

Lost money on sports book , so deposit knowing there's no money in account

Money go's into account ? Tried it b4 never happen, so withdraw it and it's pending?

Any1 done this ? Not looking rip of bookies but I see it as I lost more then that in a day so there still up if pay out, anyone else feel a bit guilty when they win and withdraw from bookies? I do as I know they spent all this money on a site to take your money, so when I win it feels a bit dirty like I should keep betting or lose it as it's there site.

When cash out feels weirded, maybe I just want to be liked and winning will piss them off.