Plz share.

At this point any degen activity is better than the last 100 or so posts.

Yes

I'll allow it.

go for it buddy, we like to hear it, +1 for any STDs you got from them

So, this story takes place probably about 4 or so years ago, it's summer time and my best friend and I have been on one hell of a bender that has taken up most of our summer. To give you guys an idea of how much we were partying our average day consisted of us each drinking our own handle of Evan Williams and splitting an 8 ball. If we couldn't get our hands on an 8 ball for the day we would heavily abuse the prescription pain pills that were littering his medicine cabinet.
Anyways it's getting to be the end of the summer and soon we'd both have to return to school. We still had a week or two left and decided we needed at least one more crazy night where something unthinkable happens. Now we never really plan anything out and most of our decisions/adventures/stories are nothing more then the spawn of pure impulse. On this night imparticular it happened to be around 2am and I hammered by myself pacing up and down my driveway and my phone starts to ring! It's my buddy and he tells me he's coming to pick me up! I ask him what happened with Kelsey? (Kelsey was his summer fling for that summer) he informs me that he has left her naked and asleep on his moms couch and has a brilliant idea that he will explain in person.
About twenty minutes later he pulls up to my house, visibly drunk with this **** eating grin on his face. I hop in the car and he quickly tells me about this rub and tug that's about an hour and a half a way that's open 24hrs a day! He proposes we got there and have a "handjob competition"! Basically how this would work is whoever finished first had to pay for the other persons handjob. I think this is a brilliant idea and we head out to this place.
We spend the entire ride there passing a handle of grape vodka back and forth and doing lines of blow. We get to this place at around 415am and at this point are just completely geeked out of our minds! We go down this flight of stairs that has cameras all over the place and arive at the door. we begin drunkenly knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell. After about 10 minutes still no one has answered. We decide we are not going to take no for an answer, we drove nearly 2hours to get handjobs at four am and are not going to leave until we get them! At this point we begin pounding on the door! After about 2 minutes of this these two hookers open the door, we had clearly woken them up as they're yawning and wearing night robes! Without exchanging any words one of them grabbed me (the older less attractive of the two) and the other (nothing special to look at but definitely better then the one I was stuck with) grabs my buddy. We are each taken to our own room and after about 30 seconds I realize not only does this bitch speak basically 0 English, but she wants to get right down to business. She begins making a rapid stroking motion with her hand and says "you wah hashob?" I reply with "hell yeah that's why I'm here"! So this bitch starts going to town on me and after about 25 minutes or so I hear an angry sounding commotion coming from my friends room, then I distinctly hear the words "GOD ****ING DAMN IT!!! I CANT BELIEVE I ****ING LOST!!!!" At this point I start uncontrollably laughing as this hooker is working her hardest to finish me off! She gets very angry with me and snaps! She looks me in the eye and say "you cum now!!! Yo Fend is watting!!" After she mutters this out I really lose it! I'm laughing my ass off and I hear my friend laughing his ass off outside! I'm guessing he heard this exchange of words and found it just as funny as I did (after this ordeal was done I find out that that was exactly what he was laughing about). Anyway I end up finishing up and we are very quickly escorted to the exit by now two very tired, angry hookers who clearly couldn't wait to get us two *******s out the door!
The drive home is starting now at about 5 am and is filled with much more drinking and driving and road lines. I'm dropped off back at my house, my friend reimburses me for my handjob since I won the "handjob contest", and makes it back home himself before his girlfriend wakes up! She had no idea he ever left

Also to whoever said it I do have a funny story about contracting and spreading chlamydia intentionally but it doesn't involve a hooker

tell that one also please

handjob contest rocks.

Hahahaha glad you liked that one... I do have a ton of stories up on that caliber so if you guys want a few more I can post em

Do it


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Fourth of July in Beijing China, some friends and I leave a US embassy hosted party and bring along with us a few state department employees we met at the party. It's still early so we stop at my place to grab a few drinks before heading out and smoke up, which the embassy folks tolerated but definitely kept their distance from to avoid second hand inhalation(for those that don't know, due to background check and honey pots most state department people are by design super conservative and straight edge).

We then head out to the bar but between my apartment and the bars is what was affectionately known as handjob alley. Two of my friends say they need to run in and get something (pretending it's a store) and the rest of us chill outside. After a few minutes one of the state department people says "That's so weird there is a corner shop upstairs from a barber shop" and we just kind of nod our heads and agree.

A few minutes later my friends come out of the place and and arguing about who ended up coming first and one of the state department guys took a look at his watch and said he was tired and the rest left with him. Not surprisingly, never heard from any of them again.

After dropping $2,100 at the pit games in one hour, trying to get a $20 comp for a coffee/cheesecake.

[SPOILER]"Sorry you don't have enough play"[/SPOILER]

There is literally no way that that's true


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Ok buddy. I'm lying. Think first, what would be my motive to lie??

If anything that's a good thing because now I will refrain from playing pit games and pay for the ****ing cheesecake out of pockets. The happiness from the cheesecake will put me in a positive enough state to win at poker.

I would say that story is 100% true. Years ago, I had just finished eating at FIX at the Bellagio and wanted to a beer for myself and a friend. Noticed a cocktail waitress making her rounds so I told her "let's just sit at this BJ table and play a few hands while we wait for the beer." It was a $25 table and I was quickly down $300 in the 10 minutes we were waiting...my luck quickly turned and won it all back before the waitress returned so I didn't look like a total moron drinking our "free" beers.

Some places are very stingy with comps. Delaware park I was playing a few thousand through the $5 slots and also some pai gow roulette etc as usual. I wasn't losing a lot but playing a lot. Plus I lost 4K one night. Yet I asked for $50
Free slot play once and was declined n a weekend room declined but weekday approved. Nowadays you need 4 hours at $25 a hand tables to even get a room my host told me and more for weekends

Wow. I guess theyre getting pretty stingy these days


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I just don't get it. You have someone who just dropped 2k in one hour. You tell him that he's not even worth $50 of food (mind you the cost of $50 of overpriced food is probably $10 for the casino). What do you think goes on his mind? He's not dumb obv if he can dump that kind of money. House edge of 2% at $300 a hand and 2 minutes per hand = $180 of -EV. Next time he will think "why should I give them my money if they don't even like me". It's a different story if you win. But then it is almost as bad. Like you gotta promise to lose in order to get anything.

At some point in time it's not about money, it's about pride. Yes I will pay a $180 "fee" for a chance to win thousands. But to spend $50 on something they can buy for less than half the price on an upscale restaurant.. Do people really do that?

^^ F off.

currently taking a shot at 10/20 NL on a new site. Come watch me attain glory @ 25/50.

20k tonight or bust. No in between (unless I pass out). playing at ourgame.poker, table Los Angeles, s/n digitaldegen

They only want to give back a few percent of their edge to you. So say they have 180 value you get like 10-20$

... Per hour.

As for the meal it costs the casinos way less than than. It's good because now I won't be playing pit games anymore. Weekend almost over and I haven't touched a single game.

I watched high rollers get their 19's and 20's cracked by dealer's 4-card 21 with a smile on their faces.

I watched low limits players snap-standing on 12 vs 2 and go "please please please bust ONE time" to save their $15 bet. This guy surrendered his $25 bet for half on a 12 vs 9. I'm like I'll buy your bet for $12.50 (I'm paying him $12.50 to win $50 if the 12 ends up winning). Dealer says it's too late, hand is over. Dealer opens 19. Player asks me for $12.50. I'm like woah I never bought your hand. He said I did and started calling me a scumbag and a rat. I'm like "Listen if I had bought your hand we would've drawn a card on 12. Dealer said it's over". He insisted that I tried to weasel him out of $12.50. I take out my wade of $100 bills as well as lavender chips and ask him straight up if he thinks I will try to hustle for $12.50 and then I offer him the $12.50 but we pretend the next card is a hit in 12 vs 9. Dealer calls pit boss and pit boss says it's not gonna happen. They already scooped his hand and so I can't buy it.

20k Monopoly money buys lots of cheeseburgers

Already recieved first payout. So yeah, site is ligit.

Torched 3.5k yesterday which is semi-significant life money for me (house payments, parents hospital bills, **** like that).

PHASE 1 - 2/2 PLO, $500 buy in
I sit with position on this Indian dude who is potting 75% pre and keeps reloading when he gets stacked. Mother****er keeps coughing up a storm, pretty sure he gave me tuberculosis (beat)

Card dead, no hands to take to a flop against him but I manage to chip up to ~$900 when I say **** it and decide to go with AQQ4 one suit. We get it in 3-handed (some other guy called in position) on some rag flop where I have a gutshot to the wheel and BDFD but everyone's draws brick and the OTHER dude slowrolls me with garbage KKxx that he would have folded if he weren't a piece of ****. Like he shook his head when I rolled over QQ as if I won, THEN he "realizes" KK is good and turns it up (tilted)

PHASE 2 - Baccarat

I sit with my fellow Oriental degenerates trying to kill an hour before I go to see Civil War (Marisa Tomei is still 100% bangable, guys). Buy in for half my remaining BR and actually manage to hover around even.

Tie hit like three times in a row once and of course I never had any of them (tilt #2). I feel satisfied at being slightly up until I start shipping $500 and $1k bets on banker just so I can make up my PLO and other losses, also because it's easier to just pay commission with 1 or 2 green chips instead of having the dealer make change.

Obviously I lost every bet over $200 and busted halfway through the shoe with 20 minutes to kill watching stupid ads. The lesson here is that we can ****ing wreck a casino if someone follows me around betting the opposite side of all my flips but for 10x the amount

PHASE 3 - Roulette

With my last $1500 I implement my foolproof Roulette system, guaranteed to get me back to $3500. I bet $100 on 8 (because it's lucky), $100 on Red (because 8 is black) and $100 each on the outside columns.

This way, the only numbers that wipe me are black in the middle column or 0/00. So, I'm either slightly winning or slightly losing until I hit exactly 8 and bink a $3500 payday.

The dealer goes for like 8 spins letting me break even, but then I get wiped twice in a row by black numbers in the middle column. Down to $600, I decide to ship it on 8 and the neighbor numbers, except I don't have an odd number of chips, so I play 8-19-12-31-29 and then I have to decide what to do with the last one.

Will my OCD allow me to put it on 25 or 18, or should I just flick it on to 0/00 for a 1700 hit? I end up putting it on 25 and start praying to Allah (I actually whispered bismillah like the Queen song) because if he gives a bunch of fine ass virgins to douchebags who blow themselves up maybe he can help out a degenerate prick once in a while.

The dealer spins the wheel to grab the ball instead of waiting for it to come around which always tilts me, and then shoots...

The ball rolls and rolls and bounces off the bumpers until finally it settles in one of the pockets I can't see until the dealer picks up the marker and puts it right down on...

00. well **** you too Allah, one more lowercase-g god who abandons me in a casino.

That's my story. Can't win flips at Baccarat, can't win 33% decisions at Roulette, can't bink sets at PLO. Pulling out $500 to play more PLO because it's nearly as easy as $1/2NL to me (might even just short stack it and wait for AAxx to repot/ship), wish me luck

Any god left? I suggest addopting Roman-Greek religion and stay away from monotheistic religions.