Originally Posted by pilsvogel
Ok so here's my story. tl;dr.
(cliffs:
- building and loosing free bankrolls
- depoting state-loans and loosing that on poker and bj.
- Make money with poker website, loose al that.
- Go on uni-exchange, blow all my money, lie to parents, get bailed out,
- parents take over finances and send me to psychologist, relatively stable now at 25k debt
First note, that the thing with BJ is it makes you feel good when after a loosing session of poker, with two BJ clicks you can win it all back again. Which is a trap, obv.
Back in 2005 the whole pokercraze started getting going in holland. Party was giving out free bankrolls and ik signed up multiple accounts just to play with that. I took a few of those 50 free rolls over 1 k, played limit 50/100, lost it all, did it again, etc. I was hooked at the possible of making that much money with so little effort. I decided I could be a consitent winning player and started depositing my monthly student stateloan into the online pokers. Dropped +500$ a month, that for a few years. I'd play serious poker and win a few buy-ins, get subsequently badbeated in the face, after which I try and win it back with 500 a hand BJ, and fail imo. So I have 10 k of losses but figure ok im at uni Ill make it back.
Then I started a poker website that gave out free cash to new players, getting paid by the rooms for delivering depositing players. Was good stuff really, I felt rich and entrepreneur. I made 12k that way, which covered all the state-debt I had run up untill that point and leave some. Unfortunately, the rooms changed rules for referring players, so I took the website went down. The ****ty thing was that as an roomaffiliate I got paid through my pokeraccount on partypoker. Than the obvious degen thing happened. I got major-league drunk and thought I'd make a few extra k's on blackjack before I'd cash out my websitewinnings and pay of debt.. Obviously, in a terrible sesssion I dropped 1 14k on blackjack dropping 500$ a hand. I was sitting behind my computer, wasted, and in a few minutes it was all gone.
I felt like **** and promised myself never to play either poker or bj.
Next day, I talked myself into winning it all back and them some and withdrew 6k out of a studentbankloan (sick interest btw) to play with. It was gone in two weeks. FML.
Did not play poker for a while. I went on holiday, after which I went on a university exchange to a university in the UK. There I bought myself a pokerbook, and told myself I had all the time and patience to start learning poker and bankroll manangement to win back all I had ever lost. DIdnt work out. I blew my money each month so bad I wasnt able to go out or cook proper food, I was on diet of bread and water, watching highstakes tables at fulltilt and whacking off to highstakes.nu on my crap laptop, untill the next government paycheck came in. At one point I took that up to 8 k, after which I got on tilt and BJ'd it all away, again. I was busted so hard but I needed rent money so I called my parents and made up some lame excuse why I needed more money. They transferred that, which I gambled obv, after which I called my sister with a similar lame excuse. Pls give me money.He did that, I obviously donked it off playing way over my head trying to win back rent money and the money my parents gave me. I finally BJ'd the last few bucks and was out of options. I was shaking and smoking sigarettes continiously. No food, no money, and the rent to pay in - 2 days.
I decided to confess to my parents that I had spent my exchange semester blowing their money and stateloans on poker and BJ. I knew they have money and would bail me out (moral hazard imo) That phone-conversation was the most horrible moment in my life. My mother immediately flew over, I met up with her and was so ultimately embarressed with the fact I had not lived up to expectations and was just an idiot addict who blew money and lied to family. She talked to me and said she understood I was addicted and that they help me out. They took over my finances.
That was the best thing that happened to me. I owe my parents forever for
taking me out of the mess I was in, sending me to a psychologist and checking up on me. Im in charge of my own finances now but stayed clear of poker ever since. Thing is, its still something that attracts me on such a pervers level. I'll allways have a weakness towards gambling and poker, which is probably why I lurk these forums from time to time, to get a glimpse of the life that might have been.
I study financial economics (mildly funny considering previous bankroll management), and ill graduate my masters in june with about 30k euro's in government debt. Which is bad, but ill be able to pay interest and my life is not a trainwreck.
my 2 cents,Good luck to all the degens who want to get out