My grand father-in-law ' s name is philippe Degen. True story

End

Took a trip to vegas with a bunch of friends in the summer of 09'. I was leaving the country for the next few years, so we wanted to have one last party before my temporary exodus from the group. Brought $2,000 for poker to be used over a 4 day spread.

Checked into the Wynn the morning of day 1, played the 2/5NL and after 6 hours was up $1,200. Played in a $330 at the venetian that night and managed to cash for another $1,200. At this point, when we went partying and crash late to end day 1.

Day 1 Bankroll: $4100ish

Day 2, woke up early and played more 2/5NL at Wynn and proceeded to do well, after a shorter 4 hour session was up another $1,500 mostly thanks to a hand when I flopped the higher set my KK versus UTG's JJ on a board of KJ6. Spent the rest of the day hanging out by the pool, drinking, and chillin since only 2/4 of us are poker players. Besides, the goal after all was to hangout as a group and spend time together before I move half way round the world.

Day 2 Bankroll: $5500ish

Day 3 was when **** began to roll down hill. Everything was pretty much fantastic up til this part and iI suppose it was poor (alcohol induced) decision making that caused it. We started drinking pretty hard at dinner around 6pm or so. 2 of my friends wanted to go to a show, but I was feeling pretty drunk and just wanted to chill and gamble. They go off to see a show and me and my buddy stay and gamble. My friend decides that we should play blackjack (I should have objected and stuck with the pokers, but I figured whatever... I can afford to lose a couple hundo after my great run). I lose $300 in 15 minutes betting $25 a hand. I keep ordering more drinks and after about 1 hour of blackjack I'm $900 in hole(thanks to stepping up bets to get back losses), and so drunk I can't really play anymore. I decide to head back to the room to call it an early night.

I get back in the room and watch some TV, smoke a little green to level things out. It is at this point I become overwhelmed with a sense of horniness. After all, I'm in vegas and it shouldn't be hard to get a couple girls to come up and have a 3 some. I thought it would be cool to splurge after my poker winnings. I call up an escort service I find online after about 10 minutes of drunken web surfing. I order two chicks and they say it will be about 1 hour wait. Well, over an hour and a half later two girls show up (and not to my surprise look nothing like the chicks on the site). They were still doable and at this point I was very drunk and just finished off a joint, so I wasn't about to complain about the quality. Well, about 10-15 minutes in, I must have passed out, I don't remember anything after that point. I woke up at 10:30am with a raging headache and my best friend standing over me yelling that someone broke into our room and stole a bunch of ****. I hadn't put my cash in the safe when I returned (luckily my nikon camera and passport were locked away). Those bitches ran off with my entire roll, watch, my buddy's laptop (lol which was his work laptop), and they even took my electric shaver from the bathroom. I was speechless... All we could do was hurry to get the hell out of the hotel as to not get charged for an extra night. I ended up replacing my buddy's stuff over the course of the next few months feeling bad for what a dbag I had been. He was surprising cool bout the whole thing after I told him about the night. Guess that is what good friends are for.

Morning Day 4 Bankroll: $0, minus watch, minus shaver, minus friend's laptop

TL; DR version

went to vegas with friends before moving out of country. worked a poker bankroll from 2k to 5.5k. lost entire bankroll (20% blackjack, 80% robbed by hookers), plus personal items.

"4. Never drive a far distance to a casino if you are a degen. That's the best advice I can give. The drive home is like licking your grandma's snatch. So... drive about 2 hours to casino with about $200 on me. Down to my last $40 bucks. Gotta turn this around. Run that up to a few hundred and switch tables. Get money up to like $600 and I'm like I gotta find a fun table. Walk around a bit, see this loud $25 min table. I sit down, whole table is sitting around $300-500 stacks. After 2 shoes, we all have over $5k. They all leave. I don't and dump it all back."



Not sure if you will ever see this message... but thats the funniest thing I've ever read on the internet. I'm not sure what it was, but I laughed uncontrollably for 15 minutes.

Lots of degen stories in here. Unfortunalety, as much of a degen as I am, I am 26 year old, and I have never even touched a 5-figure score.

My life cycle goes like this:

- Dead broke, begging for food money.
- Get pay check direct deposit in my account.
- It is the dawn (early morning) of "payday" and I have already lost 90% of my direct deposit (casino/pokerstars). Unable to pay back any of my debt.
- Survive a few days and looking for a source to borrow money.
- Try to borrow a bit more so I could buy in to a donkament.
- Buy in to a donkament. Either they **** me right away, or I start to run good and become super tight, usually end up min-cashing or bubbling on a bad beat.
- Begging for food money again and trying to put together all the change I have to buy in to an MTT.
- Hit a big donkament (usually for $2K-$5K); EUPHORIA
- Use a small chunk of winnings to pay back a chunk of my debts. Proportionally to everyone to make everyone equally happy and look credible in everyone's eyes equally.
- Make minimum credit card payment.
- Live like a KING for at least a few week. Expensive restaurants, hookers, some new clothes, etc.
- Go on a losing streak and down to a little ove $1K, which in the busto days would seem like a million dollars but now seem like pocket change and it's double or nothing for me.
- Fire up $335 and $555 S&G's, lose one, min cash the other. I'm happy I still have money to gamble. Eventually lose it somehow.
- Back to begging for food money and trying to put together my next donkament buy in.

FML

What are you talking about, that drive is much much worst. The walk to the car, the "thank you come again" look from the casino staff...

[ ] Lessons learned [ ]
[x] [ ] Lessons learned
[?] You learned a lesson on using checkboxes correctly.

it actually matters where you put a [ ] checkbox

poster's mess[x]age is obvious

[X] checkbox nit

size of the x in the box matters [ ]

[ ] Lesson learned in how to use checkboxes.

wat

I come here to feel better about myself, not hear about how some donks spin up huge sums of money like its nothing. Wtf ? I can't do that ****. ****ing BRM.

Degen Storeys are the best. I remember as well once meeting some mates in my local casino to go off somewhere about 30miles away for a night out (had some girls lined/end brag)

4 of us, all reasonably affluent poker players, I get out **** iv left my wallet with bankcards cash at my parents and just been to the bank so have no cash on me - its ok one of my mates will be here soon he'll lend me some cash for this night...

He turns up first thing he says is "dave can i borrow some cash mate i just snapped my bank card" ARRRGH! its ok another of my mate meeting in 10 he'll lend us some cash.

First thing he says when he walks in is "guys can eithe rof you lend me some money for tonight Iv just got a new card dno the pin number yet" siiiigh!

Then the other one we're meeting shows up - "mate can you lend us all money somehow we're all skint!"
"ye no problem guys il just nip to the cash machine"
....
"**** guys the machine swallowed my card thats the only card with any money on it"

So we pooled together and realised we had about £40 (probably enough for the train there and thats it) so to the roulette table. we put ALL OF IT on the 78T11 corner and in it came wiii £320. LET IT RIDE....wiiiiiiiiiiiii in it came now we have £2k letttsss gogogogogogogo

[ ] girls showed up.

I just can't convery in words how funny some of these stories are. The reason they are so funny is because I can see myself in all of these situations.

"So I'm sitting with this clown that I just can't stand, I mean, I consider him half-retarded"

"COME ON MAN!! YOU CAN DO IT! I LOVE YOU MAN! (points) THATS MY BOY!! LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!"

lol.

So I was playing live 200NL drunk off my ass, gambling with my last couple of hundred after blowing 800 bucks on blackjack, a lapdance, too much booze and a (disappointing) steak dinner. I sit at this really passive, donky table with my last $150, catching nothing but junk and watching this one laggy lady who was hitting everything with pretty but sh*tty hands. I mean, if it glittered, it was gold. Shoving with weak draws and turning them into made hands, getting it in on the flop with crushed low pairs and rivering sets, flopping the nuts with 78s aipf, sucking out time after time... if she wasn't on a stairway to heaven, she was close. A few hands after I got there I knew she just wasn't going home a loser, she was just on that kind of streak, but all the stores were closed so I decided to sit down, shut my mouth and do my best to get what I came for. I ran my stack up to a decent amount eventually, but I just wasn't feeling like I was going to go home richer than this one chick. One hand in particular reinforced my belief that the poker gods just shine on some people.

We were both pretty deep, I'd gotten lucky and doubled off set over set against a nit alongside a few minor scores to take me up to $600. She was sitting behind maybe double that. I look down at TT in the SB and make it $20 after 4 limpers, miraculously they all fold but this chick in the BB called. Flop comes QT9, two spades. I lead out for about 2/3 pot, she's calling whatever. She pauses, looks at her cards, then calls. The turn is a brick, offsuit 4 or 5 or something equally irrelevant. I pot it. She tanks for a while and then gets up to look at the casino rules sign on the wall. No idea what she wants to check, rules are rules but I guess sometimes words have two meanings? She was there for so long I got distracted and started looking out the window (there was a pretty tree by a brook and a singing songbird, beats a city view). I snap back to full attention and watch her as the dealer tells her to sit back down... my first instinct is that she's got the nuts and is trying to level me, but are my thoughts misgiven? Damn, she makes me wonder.

Yup, she sure made me wonder.

Once she sat back down, she looked at her cards again and shoved all-in. I got this feeling as I looked at her face, my spirit was crying for folding. It might be nitty, but her whole demeanour was just crying "nuts!". She'd taken her time with flopped quads earlier too. But in my thoughts I saw the monster pot I could win. This was a huge decision. I need this money. Out of the window I could see a ring of smoke floating through the trees. I heard the hushed voices of two railbirds who'd noticed the action; standing, looking. She made me wonder.

...she really made me wonder. Could I genuinely lay down a set on such a drawy board? I can't afford to stack off here, I need to get home and I can't get a cab with no money. But I'm so strong, and she's so laggy...

I heard a whisper in my head, from the sensible part of my soul. "If you call that all-in, you better have a damn good reason". But isn't middle set a damn good reason? I figure I'm not going to get another chance like this before the new day dawns, however long I stand here. And if the other players here knew what I laid down here, I know the table would echo with laughter. All were still now. The only movement was an indecipherable bustle in the hedgerow outside. I was alarmed, despite my best instincts. Would this be a spring clean for the cocky all-in May Queen opposite me? Sure, there are two paths you can go by, but even though it might be +EV in the long run there was still time to change the road I was on here and now.

Goddamn, it makes me wonder. Oooohhhh...

My head was humming, an incessant buzz that just wouldn't go. In case you don't know the feeling, it's like a bunch of pipers calling you to join them, all at once. Oh, dear lady, dear lady putting me to this decision most foul, can you hear the wind blow through my head? Do you know that the destination of your stairway lies on this whispering wind in my mind? Will I stack off here, or are you going to double me up?

I'm too drunk for this. I can't lay it down. It's too strong. I see myself as if in a haze, winding on down that inevitable road, my shadow taller than my soul. And as soon as I put my chips in, I see the smile on the face of that lady. The lady who just can't be beat, the lucky, lucky lady we all know from our worst casino experiences who shines white light and wants to show. How could I have missed the excited expression on her face... how could I forget, everything she touches turns to gold. Still turns to gold. I couldn't watch; I shut my eyes and listened very hard as she flipped her cards. The soul-crushing tune came at last, the collective gasp. All at the table were one... this one lady at the table was all. A lesson against being a tight, predictable rock, a reminder of just how far the loose player can roll.

Yup, sure enough, she'd bought the ticket for the final steps up that stairway to heaven. J8o. Flopped the straight. River was no help. I focused my blurred vision long enough to register what she had, then registered the fact that I was stuck in the middle of bumf*ck nowhere with no way to pay my ride home. I felt the nausea building. I couldn't contain it. I stood up, choked out the words "nice hand... nice hand" and puked on the felt. Waste of a steak dinner. Stunned silence from all around, then the next thing I know I'm being carried to the exit, puking again as I go. Damn, I should have declined that last martini. And probably the one before. Whatever. Let's enjoy the ride. Wow, I'm dizzy. What?

I wake up at noon on the street, a cut on my head and vomit all over my jeans. I stagger to my feet, squinting in the sun. I check my pockets. Phone, check. But the battery's dead. Wallet, check. Empty. I didn't even bring my bank card because I always draw out too much cash when I'm drunk. F*ck. In my back pocket, however, I find a $25 chip. A beautiful, green, $25 chip. That'll get me about a quarter of the way home. I walk back into the casino, unsteadily, and put my last chip on red to the disgusted look of the roulette guy. I hit. Doubled. Woah. Halfway there. Livin' on a prayer. Let it ride. Red again. Sick. Who says you've got to hold on to what you've got? Screw 'em. I'm a baller. Still wasted from the night before, puke on my jeans, blood in my hair, but a gambolling baller who just quadrupled up. Call a cab, get home at 3pm feeling like death, take a monster dump and pass out in bed without wiping.

It's Saturday when I wake up. Barely Saturday Saturday morning, 2am. I wonder if my boss is going to be mad that I didn't turn up for work on Thursday or Friday. F*ck him, I won't need that crappy, minimum-wage nine-to-five with a six-figure roll. I shower, take another dump, find my bank card, heat up some two-day old pizza in the microwave and call another cab to take me back to the casino. It's only eighty bucks to get there - like I'm gonna take a bus like some low-roll internet microstakes scumbag - I'll make that back at roulette and then hit the tables again to bleed the donks dry. I've got all weekend to make my fortune. I'm due a heater. Lady luck, don't let me down. Grind on the mind. Let it ride... ship it this way, stack 'em high.

Also known as last summer.

Anyway, that definitely sucks man. I could think of so many better ways to lose my roll. Especially if you only got to enjoy the beginning. How do you pass out during a threesome anyway? Got the ghey? lol. Just kidding man, hope you're enjoying living abroad.