Before my house-mates headed for the Main Event, I gave them the most important tournament tip of all time: “Get your chips in behind so you'll have a chance to catch up. If you are ahead, it's harder to hold and win.”
Day 1: I headed to my first WSOP table and saw a bunch of people in internet poker clothes. They looked tough. Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous nor excited. I acted as if I have been there before. Because I heard that's what champions do and I was planning on becoming a champion.
Blinds: 50-100.
Everything went as I planned. Everyone folded to the big blind for a few hands. I felt good about my chances already. The first big hand I got involved was in the first orbit. Middle position player limped. Hijack followed. SB completed. I looked down and saw K6o on the big blind. I was going to raise to steal the dead moneys but remembered an article where the great tourney master Bonomo recommended being a innocent virgin at first and transform into a slutty gold-digger as the blinds and stack sizes got bigger. Since he's the man with many final table bubbles, I knew I had to listen to his wisdom.
The flop came K T X rainbow. For those who thought the flop was a typo because there's no X in the deck, it's any small card that I don't recall. I bet. A young internet player with nice shades and a cool hawk thought for a bit and raised me. Everyone folded and I tanked. The right play was to fold but I though it was important to let the table know that even though I looked like a nerd and weight a hundred pounds, I'm almost as tough as Dario. I called with no plan except hoping that it goes check-check and I see a cheap showdown.
The turn was an ace and my asian instinct took over. I leaded for near pot. Mo hawk man tanked a little bit and called. River was an offsuit 5. I thought for a little bit and leaded near pot. He tanked for a few minutes and called. I flipped over my hand proudly and pretended like I was a donk valuebetting. As he was raking in his chips, he said, “I prayed you didn't have QJ.” I was about to ask, “then what did you put me on” and decided to shut up instead. I was officially tilted.
I decided to slow down because these guys would surely look me up. It took me a few hands and I changed my mind. I was UTG and saw A2s. I opened to 300. It folded around to the SB, who was also a young asian player, though he didn't exude bold aura like me. He almost-instantly made it $1200 to go. I thought for a bit and decided that he didn't have the aces nor the kings. I made it hot to $4000 and he tanked/cried/folded QQ face up. I wanted to show the deuce to create a wreckless aggressive image but realized I was a young asian player so that was enough of an image to work with. Ironically, he later busted with QQ on a AKxxx no flush no straight board by overshoving the river, putting the nit who's range after the pre-flop/flop action was 50% AA, 49% KK, and 1% AKs, on AQ. LoL Asians.
Blinds: 100-200
At the start of the second level, a young internet player (YIP) replaced the asian kid. He was wearing D&G glasses and watch so naturally, Fergie's voice singing “My Humps” wandered in my head. He seemed like a good aggressive player. He opened a few pots and took them down easily. I folded instantly every time he opened because I'm a nit. Then I started 3-betting him with a few decent hands and he folded pre-flop. When he decided to take a stand, I had AA and won a nice pot. I kept asking myself why I was so sick but had no answers.
He did own me in one hand though. Two late position players limped and I had AXo and checked my option on the big blind. On an Axx flop, he checked and I bet and he called after everyone folded. He donked on a turn 3. I called. He bet about 2/5th pot on the river and I called and lost to A3. I suck.
A few hands later, a few limpers again. I looked down on the big blind and saw A9o. Flop came T9x rainbow. He checked. I bet. Everyone else folded and he check-raised 3x my bet. I chilled for about 2 seconds and called. Turn is offsuit K. He leaded for a strong bet and I made a gay raise. He folded fast. Seriously, I needed some tylenol.
Blinds: 150-300
Soon after, we moved to a new table. I was chipping up slowly. Then this one hand took place. Stacks were about 27k. I had the AK suited and opened in early position. Old man next to me always folded when I folded but always called or re-raised me if I opened. Flop is Kxx two-tone. I bet 3/4th pot and old man called as always. Turn put a flush card out there and I didn't have the flush suit. I bet 1/3th pot and he called. River put 4 to a flush and I check-cried-bitched-called a 1/6th pot bet. I lost.
Blinds: 150-300/25 ante
Now I'm down to 15k also on the 4th level. YIP opened limped UTG. I had AKo and opened to $1150. A tight player in the big blind complained why I always raise when he's on the big blind. I told him I always have good hands when he's on the big blind. Everyone folded to him and I told him to just fold since I had a really good hand. I think YIP heard this and called pretty fast. The flop was 45J rainbow. YIK checked and I bet about $1250. Internet kid check-raised me quickly to $3600. I said, “**** my life” and proceeded to think what he had. After all the bullshiet reasoning I went through in my head, I did the all-in maneuver and he quickly folded.
A few hands later, I had A9o. Everyone folded to YIP and he opened. I had folded several times to his open because I wanted to stay out of his way. This time, I decided to call because he was on tilt for losing the past several pots and I was on tilt for being in this tournament. Flop was Q9X rainbow. He bet and I called. Turn is an ace. He check-called my bet. River is offsuit T. He checked. I tanked for a bit and put my last 7k in. He called and said something about putting a deuce on the turn one time. I'd like to think it was, “**** my life.”
He busted a little later. I somehow ended Day 1 with 40k in chips. Our table took a shot of Jack Daniels to celebrate and I was buzzed.
Day 2: I showed up to my table and it looked tough as hell. Everyone looked like an internet aggressive player who was older than 21. There was no mid-age white man to pick on. There was no asian man to value-bet ace high with. I opened 4 times and got re-popped 4 times. I was down to 30k and started wondering whether my prediction of having a 98.5% chance of making the table was a good line. Then a miracle happended. The table broke!
I have never played tournament poker before and it is amazing to me how table draw is so important. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is. I got moved to a new table and it looked I was in a playboy orgy. Three middle-aged man. One woman who folded AQo after a short-stack open shoved and she folded face-up while staying, “I'll wait for a better spot.” At this exact moment, I thought, “I'll keep bluffing you until you find that spot.”
Blinds: 250-500/50 ante
She opened on the button. I re-raised from the big blind with J8o. I bet on Kxx rainbow flop and she folded 77 faceup. A few hands later, she opened. I re-raised with A9o. Flop is Qtx two tone board. She checked and I checked behind. Turn is a T. She bet and gay 2.5x raise her. She called. River is an ace of hearts. She checked and I put her all-in. I won. She's still waiting for a better spot. To her credit, she played great and ended up having a decent stack afterward.
As I was building my stacks up slowly, a younger internet kid (YIK) decided to show me how they do it online these days. He proceeded to 3-bet at least 75% of my open. I think 75% is an understament. It was mind-boggling because of all the people he could've picked on, he decided to pick on me. I kept folding and folding. Because I'm a nit. Then on one hand before the break. Blinds were 250-500/50. UTG open limped for the first time all day. I was on the button and made it 1850 with AKs. To my surprise, SB re-raised to $5100. UTG said, “do you know you have re-raised him 4 out of the past 5 hands?” YIK softly and quickly said, “I'll show if you folded.” I don't think the man heard him. Old man folded and I decided to call. Flop was Q7X rainbow. The old decided to scream and start saying gibberish. Great, thanks for letting YIK know I don't have a Q. YIK bets $5200. I called. Turn was a Q. He checked, I checked. River was a X. He checked and I tanked for a few minutes on whether I should value-bet my hand. I decided to be a chicken and checked behind and won against K9 suited. Break time!
Blinds: 300-600/75
After the break, younger internet kid said, “nice hand” and proceeded to re-raise most of my opens and folded most of the time I folded. Everyone just sat around and watched. On one hand, I finally decided to 4-bet him and he folded. A few hands went by and this happened. Stack sizes were about 65k to 70k. It was folded to me in the SB and I opened with AQo. He called. Flop is Qh3h3. I checked gay raised his $2700 bet to $6000. He called. Turn was 7s. I tanked for a few minutes and bet 10k. He almost instantly shoved. I tanked and I was thinking whether this is the end. Then I told myself to shut up and started doing the hand ranges thing. I called and he said I slowrolled him after he saw my hand. He said he had air and I was elated. Then I saw the mightly ducks in his hand. Oh noes, that's one of my favorite hand. River was another 7 and I finally felt the excitement of the World Series. YIK busted and I became chip leader at my table. A little later, my table broke and I went to a pretty tough table where no interesting hands took place.
I ended the day with 146k. I still didn't understand why I was so sick? Is it because of the Vegas air? Or too many bold internet players?
Day 3: As AMT (Alex) was driving us to the Rio, I told him how sick would it be if we sit at the feature table. I went to my table and it was empty. I knew I hit the jackpot. I headed to the feature table and knew I would be facing a TV pro. I saw a player who needed no introduction. It was Johnny ****ing Chan. WoW.
Blinds: 800-1600/200 ante
First hand, I opened with A6ss UTG. Chan called on the button. I felt I was about to get owned already. Flop was QJ4 rainbow. I was afraid of the legend and checked. He checked behind. Turn was a Q and it went check-check. River was a 5 and I threw out a 10.5k bet. Chan owned my soul and won with 66. A young internet kid to my right thought it was an easy call. I didn't say anything and smiled like a little donk because I just got molested on national TV.
A few hands later, I opened with 55 and called a shortie's shove. He had 66 and I lost the race. I told the table it was 50/50. People were confused until I told them, “obviously it's 50/50. You either win or you lose.” They nodded in agreement. We'll see what Norman Chad has to say about that.
I busted the same shortie in a hand where tight UTG opened. I called with 99. Shortie shoved from the SB. UTG tanked and folded. I called and won the race with 99 against his 88.
Last hand before the break. Chan open limped UTG. I didn't know wtf he was doing this with and it was weird as hell. I looked down at KK on the button so I didn't really care wtf he was doing this with. I made it hot pre-flop. Flop was 8xx with two spades. He check-called my bet. Turn was a T and he check-called my bet. River was a 4 and I tanked forever before checking behind. Against the legend, even when you win, you still lose. I went on tilt after this hand and called BobboFitos to rant. Basically, it was “I'm so ****ing bad. My students won't ever forgive me for this hand. I mean, WTF?!?!”
We went back to play for the 4th level and our table was no longer feature. We moved to a regular table and it was normal as usual.
Blinds: 1500-3000/400 ante
I opened with 88 in middle position. Everyone folded to Chan in the big blind. He called and we saw a flop of 4 7 A with two diamonds. He check-called. Turn was a King of diamonds. He check-called. River was an offsuit 5. I tanked and decided to near pot it. He thought for a bit and called. I intentionally instant flip over my hand like it was two pairs and he thought he was toasted. Then he saw 88 and flip over the AQ and said something in the tune of, “Chan poker baby.” At that moment, the only thing that went through my head was, “mother****er, you made a move on Chan.” Then my other voice said, “Yeah, and you got molested for 100k.”
At this point, I was demoralized. I short-stacked for a bit and decided to go nuts after everyone made the moneys. A good young player with 900k opened on the button and I shoved on from the SB with KQs and won against his ATo. I doubled up to 100k and later busted a shortie when I opened ATs UTG and called a shove and won the race against AQcc. It was a race in this situation because either he hits the flush or I do.
I kept chipping up and had about 250k at this point. Then the guys from my house showed up. I went over to say hi and Chan looked over. I told them that I once had a lot of chips but I bluffed it all to Chan. He giggled and said I had gotten them back after wearing his all-in energy patch. It was true. I did win it back plus some interest. I went back to my seat and this instantly happened.
Blinds: 2000-4000/500 ante
Chan opened UTG or (UTG+1) to 9k. I made it hot to 27k. Everyone folded and Chan called. Flop was 6KT rainbow. I bet and he check-raised me. I tanked forever and was thinking why this hand wasn't on TV. I counted out my chips and tanked some more. I looked up to Chan and said, “Johnny, you have aces?” The legend didn't say a word. I looked down at my chips and tanked for a bit and did the most powerful poker move on the legend. He tanked and folded. The tournament director went over to me and said, “Congrats on the longest hand of the day.” The only thing I thought of at that moment was, “mother****er, you made a move on Chan.”
Day 4: AMT busted before the bubble on the previous day so it was only me ****ing with the world today. AMT was nice enough to take me to the Rio and our conversation was basically, “I wonder if Smokey is still in. I don't know who he is but I heard he's good. Well, I hope he busted because I don't want to deal with him.” I went to my table and the first person I saw was Smokey. Then I saw JohnnyBax. Then I saw a guy to my left that looked like he was good. Turn out he was Robert Mirachi. I opened a few hands and realized it wasn't a place I can **** and leave a bitch. If I decide to ****, I have to commit my whole stack. None of guys were going to let me hit-and-run them. I decided to let poker god do his job and next thing you know, two donks busted Robert Mirachi and JohnnyBax. Smokey doubled up twice and now has a lot of chips. Table broke. OMFG. This tournament was meant to be mine.
I went to a table that was decent. I had an old Vietnamese guy to my left with a decent stack. I knew the rest of my day would be hell if I cannot convince this guy that I do not play like a Vietnamese. In other words, I have to let him know that I have a good hand when I play. And sometimes, I have to force myself to fold when he's on the button so he's happy stealing middle-aged white men's blinds and not get into my pots when I play.
Biggest hand I won was AA vs AQs. This put me up to 680k. I ended the day with 592k after I called off 100k with ace high against a European player who had a lot of chips. I thought he was the bluffing type and I was wrong. This heavenly table broke and I got moved to a new table, which I think was the toughest in the tournament.
I was about average in chips and to my left, a Russian with about a cool million. The guy next to him had the same amount. Then young internet kid [who later busted and another good player replaced him with about a cool million chips]. Next to him was the chip leader with nearly 3 millions chips. I mean, “wtf.” I folded and played like a mid-aged Caucasian gentleman. We ended day four 1 level early and only played 80 minutes of the 4th level. OMG. This is going to be my tournament.
Day 5: Before I took a shower, I was thinking of writing a main event trip report. As I doing the number 2 in the restroom, I thought about my journey and how tiring and fun it was. AMT drove me to the Rio and I found my confident wasn't as cocky as before. For some reason, I didn't feel invincible.
I showed up to my table and it was the best table in the tournament. Everyone was a shortstack. The chip leader from the tourney would have covered the total amount of chips we had on the table. I tried to steal a few blinds and kept getting re-raised from the guy next to me. He was from England but somehow, he always had a nice hand. I lost a few pots; I won a few pots.
Blinds 10k-20k/5k ante
I opened in middle position with 78s. Folded to an 45-50 year old gentleman in the SB who had about 300k. I covered. Flop came 5d8cTc and he instantly open-shoved. I obviously put him on dem pocket 7s then I realized I had a 7 already so it was impossible for him to have 77. I was going to do the G-Bucks thing then I realized OMG-Phil-Is-No-Longer-In-The-Tourney. Since I'm a sicker player, I obviously had more tools to work with than just G-Bucks. I decided to use the Asian Hand Reading Theorem and put him on a hand I could beat. I asked him if we're racing. Then I called and he showed me KdQs. I mean, WTF. You decided to nit it up all day and open shoved King high into a young internet asian player who said earlier that you shouldn't bluff a young asian kid. River was a Q of hearts. I winced because I would have about a cool million chips with about 108 people to go. If you're the gentleman reading this, I ain't mad at ya.
I tried to steal my way back but kept getting re-popped. Then on to this hand. A young internet kid who was chip leader at our table with about 900k open shoved for 270k. He was a little tilty after losing a couple of pots and now found himself shortstacking with me. I looked down on the big blind and saw AsJs and called. He flipped over Ah5h. I said, “it's 50/50. You either have flush or I do.” Flop was Q3c2c. Turn is 8. I said, “I might not look like it, but I'm shaking.” I wasn't really shaking. It seemed like the kind of thing you say when you're about to bust from the ME. River was a 4d and that's when I realized it was over baby. At least I was the 103rd best player for this year and outlasted great players such as Phil Galfond, Jerry Yang, and Chris MoneyMaker.
The floorman asked for my name and I said, “tree.” I then heard “twii” over the speakers but I was too in shocked to care. As I left the tournament area, I wonder whether I should have followed my tournament strategy. I was all-in 4 times in the whole tourney, I won when I was behind and lost and eventually busted when I was ahead.
Here's a picture of me in case we played. And if we have played, you know I won't think you're gay for PMing me and saying hi or how often you owned me.
Two Plus Two
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