BBV I need someone to talk to about this. I have been traumatized.

Brief history. Live in small town on the nicer side of town. Played poker my whole life. Even preconception . Was pro until black friday. Now just play a lil on bovada and live. 33 years old and was 21 when moneymaker won the WSOP. Thank god this story happened to the 33 year old me. The 21 year old me would of put someones eye in their lap. Here goes.

I grew up in a home in the 90s that never locked their door. Nothing ever happened. I recently bought a home and the lock on the door has been sticking. This has caused people to not lock it. I should of listened to my girlfriend and went and got a replacement, but hey it still technically worked.

Saturday at 9pm My son and I spent most of the day grinding Destiny on the PS4. I got a little tired early and fell asleep on the couch. The couch is about 8 feet from the front door. I live in a two story house. At around 11pm I was awoke by a what seemed to be a mexican flamboyant man in his late 20s asking me if I would like to have sex with him.

At this point I have my glasses off and not quite coherent. "is it okay if I touch your hand" He said. My hand is located on my unit. AT this point I get mad and am becoming alert. I do not jump up and stab him. I do not jump up and hit him. I tell him to leave me alone so I can go back to sleep. He then proceeds to tell me the neighbors told him to come here if he ever had a problem. Problem is I have never spoke with the neighbors. He says something on the lines of does some girl live here and I tell him no girl lives here. He walks out the door and then turns around and asks to use my cell phone. I tell him no one has a phone to leave.

My son runs down hes 11 years old. We both look at eachother and just keep saying what the heck. What the heck just happened? I call my girlfriend who is out of town. she says I told you so on replacing that lock. He comes back while i'm on the phone with her this time to my back door. He says something about being locked out and I told him he was scaring everybody to please leave. I have been in over 100 fights in my life as a kid/adult. I turned my life around and have had huge temper problems. I have changed to try and be better. However My girlfriend and son must think im a pussy after asking the guy who broke in my house and tried to sexually touch me I politely asked him to please leave. I also did not call the police. I do not believe the police ever help. They just start more trouble. My house was once robbed while i was at work. They took my 60 inch tv in mid day and I still did not call the police. What do you think BBV? TL;DR?

So u gonna invite him for dinner or smthg op?

Uhhhh, calling BS on this one...

Ecstasy-like behavior detected from the Villain. I also agree that calling the cops is like calling artillery down on your own position.

I'm curious if you're going to hear from a lot of Internet Tough Guys or not on this. I think you handled it all right. I also think if he shows up again then it wasn't a one-time drug lark, and you'll need to escalate things sharply, because he's an actual menace.

Actually not BS. I don't even know why a person would make up a story like this. It's a small town so the gay community is small. Someone at work asked me to describe him. I just located his facebook. I just wanted to know who he was. Thought about posting it here. Then I decided unless I want this to drag out where someone messages him. I better not.

Pretty hilarious true or not.

Hilarious for other reasons if not true but I'm loling.

You should lock your door though.

<--------BBV4L

Still funny though.

tldnr thread

And you sure the Meat-beater wasn't a slightly balding flambouyant Canadian?

Asking him to leave instead of beating him into a jelly is the smart play.

It would be even smarter to get your locks changed to prevent people from popping in to check out the electronic goods/genitals smorgasbord you apparently like to make available.

I'm still waiting for the rest of the story... where he jerked you off, you liked it, and then you felt bad afterwards, so you made up this story about "politely asking him to leave"...

I will KILL this MFer OP, give me a name and I will make him PAY! Poker players gotta stick together and one time story for ya'll, 100% true, swear on a bible bro.
So its like 1995, me and 3 other friends are up at a place where its a park with a river. We are swimming in it, and we are only 15 years old. One of the friends was 16 and drove us. We are bad boys for our age and want to get beer. We meet this 40 something year old guy, he is super friendly, we ask if he will get us beer. He says yes and I also know a better place to swim and drink he says. So we follow him foolishly to a pool. Its nice but no lifeguard or people around. He says let go change and we feel like he is looking at us in a weird way. The guy gets in the pool, takes off his shorts AND underwear and says isn't it great to freeball. My one friend starts whispering to me I think hes a queer, and I agree. We decide to steal his wallet, so one distracts him (told you we aint nice kids), but on the DL once he isn't looking one friend sneaks back into the locker area. the rest of us are either in or near the pool, but my one friend slips back in and grabs his wallet. Not only his wallet but car keys too. He thens say to me lets go outside and smoke, then he tells me what he took, we jump into his car, yell to the others lets go, and sped off. We got about $20 and bought McDonalds ldo a nice score and then ditched the car after joyriding in it for a bit.

Wow, you guys are so...like... Hard core, dude.

I was expecting you to get your meat by the guy.

Legit barg for a 15 year old if true tho

So did u get any op?

These are the least believable parts of the story tbh.

Bad boys4lyf idst.

Never happened.

Seek help.

I wish your parents never happened

A guy tries to jerk you off in your sleep, and your response is to be passive and polite.

A guy on the internet insults you and you get all snippy.


Priorities, dude. Priorities.

Should have folded river.