Quote:
Originally Posted by Never Was Been
So I went in the next night. And the next. Until 13 days later, my total profit was five grand, and I had officially fallen back in love with the game that had been not so kind to me in the past. Felt on top of the world, like I'd found the secret to survival. It was a pretty happy time.
But not happy enough...? Needed something more?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Never Was Been
When I lost it I can't really describe how it felt, other than really bad. .
I think you, sir, subconsciously love to be at rock bottom. When ever you catch a break its never enough, you don't seem to feel any satisfaction or self worth via winning, but losing perhaps makes you feel alive for once?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Never Was Been
I played what is possibly my best game ever and it felt so good to be alive in that moment
You seem to play and enjoy poker when playing with everything on the line... This backs up my previous point about the money or the win meaning anything. Its the thrill of knowing your ****ed financially that makes you feel alive, and focused, and that its all on the line, right here right now.
What I suspect you are suffering sir, is depression. You need to be able to draw satisfaction and self confidence from things other than poker and winning or losing to have any chance of constantly being able to feel "alive" without making self destructive choices to remind yourself that you're still breathing.