Dear Children,
For the last year, I have watched you from afar, caring for my flock with nothing but love in my heart. Despite our relative size compared to the other SE communities, I have seen the NHL thread emerge as the forum leader in WIM, Smiles/9 and both GOCB
and GOAB per capita. Truly I tell you, this is a remarkable achievement. In only a matter of seasons, our thread has grown from relative obscurity to the brink of greatness. We are poised for our greatest season ever.
Make no mistake about it - when it comes to SE, NHL regs drive the play.
Creating the NHL season thread is the greatest gift I can give to you, my children in puck. It was truly an honour to give you the gift of 2p2 life; the ability to converse, argue, retort and trollolololol, all within the confines of a beautiful, blessed thread, created in my image. I have seen the fruits of my creation, and I saw that it was good.
Therefore, I am stricken with an extreme sadness when one of my children - no matter how young, no matter how small in stature or post count - is unable to share in this magical gift. For it is written: whatsoever you do to the least of my people, you do unto me. With this in mind, my heart hath been broken after reading the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by vomit
Lol at me i requested a temp self ban starting tomorrow thinking the OP would be up today, and i wouldnt miss it  |
How I could allow such a tragedy to pass is beyond me. It is with great regret that I must admit my own failure; my inability to provide a season thread in a timely fashion has cost one of my children his 2p2 freedom. This great injustice is indeed a blow to us all. Lest us forget the ultimate sacrifice that vomit has made. He has self-banned for your sins and for mine.
During the last season, you have come to know me as a rather nonchalant and free-spirited omniscient thread overlord. This is how I roll. But I will not stand for this inequity. Lines have been crossed and amends cannot be made. I may be jovial in spirit and jestful in nature, but do not allow yourself to be mistaken - The Berg can be vengeful and vindictive. And indeed I will have to be:
Quote:
Originally Posted by agdci981
I think I am going to be more active in posting in the NHL thread this year now that I have no pokerz to play and the Penguins are locks to win the Cup.
|
Oh no, my child. You'd be wise to chiggity check yourself.
The son of mine upon which I entrusted the protection of this thread - the rock that is 72off - has performed admirably in the absence of my presence. But try as he might, even he cannot vanquish the totality of evil that threatens us all. Besides, after the displays in Vancouver this summer, I'm no longer sure if I can trust him to remain rational and not engulf himself in the madness.
Therefore, I have decided to invoke my absolute power. Even though I do not retain green status on 2p2, I possess something far greater in authority and far more condemning in nature. Inspired by my good friend and his immediate impact on our beloved league, I have decided to leave an immediate and indelible mark of my own on this thread.
My children, I present to you...
THE SHANABAN™
If, for whatever reason, I read a post in this thread that I deem unworthy of appearing in our most cherised and sacred gift of a thread, I will quote the monstrosity and place
THE SHANABAN™ underneath said post. This will serve as an indication to my son 72off that the quality of the post requires a severe and decisive reprimand. I will also explain the reasons behind why I've posted
THE SHANABAN™, along with providing a recommendation to my son for the length of punishment that should be given out. I trust he'll know what to do from there.
Believe me when I say this: you do not want to see
THE SHANABAN™ underneath one of your posts, nearly as much as I do not want to distrubute punishment. Children, I beg thee, do not break my heart.
I believe in our group of posters. I believe in our favourite sport. I believe in NHL. But I've worked too damn hard to watch my work become soiled with the indignity of execrably bad posting. I simply won't allow it. If we work together as a team, if we commit to the ways of great posting and if we believe in ourselves and each other, we can rid our glorious thread of this epidemic and become a skilled thread once again.
The 2011-12 season is already shaping up to be a classic. There will be pretty goals, there will be great saves, there will be large hits and epic fights. There will be Sedins flopping, Sharks choking, Jets flying, Wangz bandwagoning and Pat Kane inexplicably wheeling 6/10 women in limos because he's no longer permitted in cabs. There will be LOLeafs, there will be 911 calls from the Bell Centre, and occasionally, we might heff to be mad. There will be milestones set, records broken and Los Angeles women impregnated by Mike Richards. There will be plenty of Ovenchicken, Stammer, Captain Serious and TIMMYYYYYYY. For the first time ever, there will be more money in Buffalo than there are fans in Phoenix. And there might even be a chance that Gaborik plays more games than Crosby. Folks, this season will have it all.
Let us enjoy our beautiful game. Let us drive the play. Let us gogogogogogo and puck away.
Let us NHL.
Two Plus Two
NHL 2011-12 Regular Season Thread
Linear Mode
