2023 VERY TRUE AND PLAUSIBLE PREDICTIONS

• The Packers and the Jets will have identical records. 9 wins +/- 1
• The Cowboys will have a decent season but will fail embarrassingly at the end of the season. Fat Mike will keep his job.
• The top three QBs in the draft (O-h-i-o, The Bama Midget and Tim Tebow II) will all be busts.
• Sam Darnold will be the starting QB of the 49'ers by week 8. 49'ers will sign Nathan Peterman as his backup.
• Josh Allen will score a TD at home and be hit on the helmet by 5 dildos simultaneously. The experience will be so traumatic that the Bills will lose 5 games in a row.
• Russell “High Knees” Magic Water will be benched at some point during the season.
• Tua will have 5 more concussions by end of the week 5. He'll still somehow be allowed to play.
• Chris Jones will sign a contract by week 3. He will suffer a year ending injury in week 4.
• Jackson Mahomes will be found guilty of assault and later forcibly assaulted in prison.
• After finally making the playoffs last year, The #1 Chargers will miss the playoffs this year.
• Tom Brady will figure out a loophole that allows him to play on the team he partially owns. He will immediately name himself starting QB.

Thursday
Detroit Lions @ Kansas City Chiefs (-6.5)

Early
Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)
Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens (-10)
Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) @ Cleveland Browns
Jacksonville Jaguars (-5) @ Indianapolis Colts
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Minnesota Vikings (-6)
Tennessee Titans @ New Orleans Saints (-3)
San Francisco 49'ers (-2.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Arizona Cardinals @ Washington Commies (-7)

Late
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears (-1)
Las Vegas Raiders @ Denver Broncos (-3.5)
Miami Dolphins @ Los Angeles #1 Chargers (-3)
Philadelphia Eagles (-4) @ New England Patriots
Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle Seahawks (-5)

SNF
Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) @ New York Giants

MNF
Buffalo Bills (-2.5) @ New York Jets

Think I'm gonna watch Jags in the early game. Want to see if thier surge late last year was for real.

Give me Chefs, Vikings, Jaguars

Looks I'll be waiting all week for Monday Night! Godgers!

I'm already on Lions +7 (bought the half point) and I like Cowboys -3.5. Close divisional games be damned, but I expect the Giants to regress pretty hard this season Starting (!) in Week 1.

Miami moneyline is free money

I wish I could see SRM open this thread to that pic. Let us football!

What's your reasoning here? Gotta give some deetz!

LOL

I had to double-clutch to make sure he wasn't the OP.

Been waiting all year for Thursday night ...

Kelce hyper-extended his knee in practice today and might not play. Line is down to -5.5 Chiefs on DK now.

An upright Tua >>>> Herbz

Line down to -5 at mashMGM

So there saying me taking the Chiefs -10.5 is bad?

I mean I also have over 56.5 points and Ross anytime TD on the same bet so yeah it's bad

Lions are gonna control the game clock via the run game + pass to RBs game.

Aidan Hutchinson is going to be a problem (!) for the Chiefs come tomorrow night!

First game of the season had to be the 2 teams I dislike the most

But other than that let's goooooooo

Clicked thread

Saw op pic

Immediately posted my thought process without reading anything else

Will now leave thread

See ya next week!

9 HOURS

3 HOURS

Kelce apparently confirmed out, line moved two points

They already called up practice squad TE Matt Bushman a couple hours ago.

I assume this is available to everyone but DK gave me a free money promo for Mahomes to complete one pass boosted to +100. Max bet $25. For those of you wanting a free $25.

Not everyone. Sadface.

I really coulda used that money to balance out my inevitable $20 loss in swami

I don’t have that boost either.