*Vito Corleone voice* "I need a.. wartime consigliere.."

followed up by:

"You're out, Tom."

Fantastic. He really is hilarious, he should have more gigs, no doubt. World class comedian imo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lJywGNtxP4

4:45 into the vid. Awesome stuff...

"Why don't we replace AJ with some hot babe?"

Howard Lederer should host this on his own. He is the most witty and funny guy in poker.

How about when the security guard brings in the box of chips for one of the players, and Gabe says something like "This game's so juicy the security guard wants in on the action!"

He doesn't want to get Durrred especially back-durrred.

AJ: So Gabe I was wondering what position these guys would be in a baseball team, who'd be pitcher who'd be clean up...what do you think?

Gabe: AJ....You have WAYY too much time on your hands.


**Players are talking about getting Gabe back to play and DN said he played "perfect poker"..

AJ: Are these guys bluffing Gabe?

Gabe: Shutup and let the players talk

**Camera pans to Johnny Chan

AJ: oh look the strong man at the Beijing circus

Gabe: Great we're going to get 1.2billion complaint letters now.

(Season 4, Ep 9, at the start, the bit after this is good too lol)

AJ: Do you think tighter players are at a disadvantage in our game?
Gabe: Well, they depend more on getting good cards...so they play less pots etc
AJ: How do the aggressive players try and stop this?
Gabe: Well, they put the straddle on and force them to gamble, if that doesnt work they put the double straddle on... if that doesn't work they go up to them and say "PLAY MORE HANDS YOU TIGHT ASS ****"
AJ: Would you call yourself an aggressive player or a tight ass ****?
Gabe: I'm an aggressive tight ass ****

(Dunno what ep)
AJ: *forgot person* has eights
Gabe: Do you know what eights are called?
AJ: Uhh... pretzels
Gabe: Yes... pretzels... do you know who likes pretzels? Snowmen! Snowmen like pretzels!

(Start of S4E3, end of the opening)
Gabe (to AJ): I like you.

Hahha just the way he says it

Jamie Gold folds and eli turns over Jacks and Gold says " i put you on jacks"

Gabe says "Jamie has brilliant reading ability....and good eyesight"

Gabe: Farah is very Loose-Aggresive...Just like you AJ when disco was in.

Gabe's first quotes of the new season taping with his new female co-host:

"AJ, you look different, but I can't put my finger on why."

and,

"I am sensing change here, and not just in my pants."

Pokernews.com reported that Vanessa Rousso said it will NOT be her on HSP

hahahaaa.. wher'd you here this?

AJ: Gabe have you heard of the bookie with one eye

Gabe: Yeah, if you owed him money he'd keep an eye out for ya.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OQxE...eature=related

Jamie Gold shakes hands with Phil Galfond and says "You're a little sweaty" and even calls him "Sweaty Phil." Next hand AJB says "Sweaty Phil! Raises to sixty-five hundred with a couple of queens." And Gabe says "Don't call him Sweaty Phil, I mean, Silent Mike Baxter was ok but we don't wanna give this guy this name." AJB laughs and says "Ok". Gabe "Even though before, they were asking me 'are you going to be in the booth with greasy AJ'?"

nobody has posted my fav. line yet so here it is:

After Antonio finishes his push up bet;

"And after our commerical break, Howard does a squat thrust bet"

Not sure about gabe kaplan, but there was a brilliant quite from norman chad in this years wsop. "The continuation bet, a.k.a the dig your own hole special."

...later on in that clip
Gabe- Couldn't do this show without you
AJ- I know, I got 'em right where I want 'em

I thought this was meant to be a subtle (or not so subtle) reference to an old joke. It has the same punch line, except it's "she said she'd keep an eye out for you".

AJB - You know Gabe, it seems each show you're hair is getting shorter and shorter.
(random stuff)
Gabe - ...You think you can make a hair joke...? Do you realise you have fourteen hairs more, total, than me?

Later they were discussing which one of them had nicer legs =/

Just like his mother used to say back in Israel. "Don't play with strangers Eli"

"Now whatever you do, don't make any jokes about Barry's shirt"

Season 5 Episode 9:
Sam Simon leaves the game. Then Gabe says " This game is too dumb" in Simpson's voice hilarious, imho. 10:15 INTO THE EPISODE.
Dunno if this has been posted before.

The one where he said "Mike Matusow's got his gay beer garden shirt on."