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This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
His dedication to getting the job done right
Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!
His faith
I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.
His flair for the dramatic
No, not while my greatest nemesis still provides our customers with free light, heat and energy. I call this enemy...the sun.
Dedication to safety
Smithers: Well, sir, where should we dump <this> batch [of nuclear waste]? Playground?
Burns: No. All those bald children are arousing suspicion
His ability to control crowds
Ahoy-hoy, lowly mortals. In addition to working for me, you may now praise me as your almighty!
His charitable giving
You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage...when pigs fly!
His considerate customer service
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
His willingness to get the best
Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg!
Smithers: He's unavailable.
Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent
His honesty
Oh, I'm afraid I've had one of my trademark changes of heart. You see, teamwork will only take you so far. Then, the truly evolved person makes that extra grab for personal glory.
Now, I must discard my teammates, much like the boxer must shed roll after roll of sweaty, useless, disgusting flab before he can win the title. Ta!
Two Plus Two
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