Wow, I can't believe how far back I had to go to find this thread to bump it! Scrolling through page after page of discarded OOT threads to get here, was like time travel, but I thought you guys wouldn't mind this x-post from my H&F log:
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186.6 this morning....I usually round to the nearest pound, but 186.6 is an incredible milestone for me, as 187 was the lowest the army could get me.
(Wow, my eyes got a little wet typing that. Thanks again, you guys, for everything.)
(OK, now we're beyond "a little wet". Wow, didn't expect that.)
Speaking of my H&F log:
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Originally Posted by dw2006
Good job YTF, I think you will beat me to 180.
I'm not doing very well. Still in the high 190s. I have been struggling with some emotional eating recently, just trying to tread water until this bout of depression passes.
I don't know if you've been following my H&F log, DW, ("...and judging by the attendance, you haven't!"), but emotional eating was CRIPPLING ME in recent months. I scoped out the library's section on eating disorders, even attended an OA meeting, all to no avail.
But I had a hunch it may be a bigger psychological issue than a mere eating disorder, as this isn't the first time I've self-destructed when close to reaching a big goal in life (and fixing my compulsive gambling problem twenty years ago was such a simple fix, I figured this would probably be a simple, textbook case as well), so I went back to the library and searched the catalog for "Psychology self-sabotage", and was steered towards a book called
Taming Your Outer Child, by Susan Anderson. I'm not halfway through it yet, but I'm starting to think I've got this emotional eating thing completely licked.
From my H&F log:
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Interesting thing about the sweets: I'm getting deeper into that self-sabotage/psych book I've been reading (about controlling my childish impulses), and just starting some of the exercises recommended by the author...and I'm already seeing a difference. Now I can see cookies laying there and not feel overwhelmed by an impulse to grab one. Pretty small sample size, we'll have to see how long I can go without another binge, but I find it encouraging nonetheless.
Another dessert-related thought I had recently: I noticed that I always feel a little sad when I eat that last bite of dinner. No matter how full I feel, I just hate the thought that that's the last thing I'm going to eat today. The dessert gives me an LOL sense of closure. When I finish with a calorie bomb, I can tell myself, "NOW you've had enough, you fat bastard!", and accept it, and not feel sad or deprived of anything.
Of course, this goes EXACTLY to that childish stuff I'm reading about! The author didn't mention this example specifically, but the pattern fits: My Inner Child (the emotionally needy part of my brain) is sad (about the notion of "no more food for the rest of the day"), and my Outer Child (a term coined by the author to describe the part of my brain that "acts out" impulsively to make my Inner Child feel better, like a protective older brother) decides that giving my Inner Child some candy or ice cream or other "comfort food" will make him feel better.
The author says there's hope for me, as there is a third component to my brain which governs my Inner and Outer Children: my Adult Self. Step one is identify and recognize these components of my thought processes. Step Two is for my Adult Self to start PARENTING these children--comfort the Inner Child when he feels needy, and set boundaries for the Outer Child instead of letting him run rampant like he has my entire life (eating whatever he wants, spending all of my money on nonsense, etc).
So I'm pretty encouraged...
Yesterday was a great example. I sat in the house all day, bored out of my mind, and of course this led to temptation to snack (or even have a fourth meal) that I never would have been able to resist before. But this book helped me realize why my brain was reacting this way, and to separate the "feelings" from "actions". The temptations didn't go away, but instead of proving irresistible, they were trivially easy to disregard.
That book has 30 customer reviews on Amazon:
23 *****
6 ****
1 *
...and the 1* comes from a guy who's mad that it's just rehash of her prior books! I can't imagine I won't be boosting the 5* count when I finish this thing.