if you want to stay married, is it a bad idea for guys to remain friends with attractive ex's? - Other Topics Forum - Discuss Pop Culture, Arts and Entertainment

One thing leads to another and you are tempted to cheat? Or is it a silly notion and it's totally cool?

I read the story about Ben Affleck remaining in touch(like emailing when she got the idol gig) with JLo and most of the comments were in disagreement saying it's a huge no-no to do that once you're married. Here's a sample from comments section in people(LOL): http://www.people.com/people/article...s-topheadlines

This poll only applies if you don't have kids with that ex

Last edited by KB24; 10-11-2012 at 08:59 PM.

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10-11-2012 , 08:52 PM

nullspace

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Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 1,858

There is no easy solution to having no self-control.

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10-11-2012 , 08:54 PM

Paul Openfold

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Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 1,302

burn bridges imo

Last edited by Paul Openfold; 10-11-2012 at 08:56 PM. Reason: lolmarriage

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10-11-2012 , 09:01 PM

TheAsianPlayboy

old hand

Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 1,315

if the goal is to stay married

you minimize all risk by cutting ties with the ex.

What's the benefit? friendship? Girls are bad friends.

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10-11-2012 , 09:01 PM

OrganicGreen

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Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,463

its a great idea to email attractive ex's

this can only be a plus for your wife just make sure your open about it or secret

let us know how your marriage goes in a few months

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10-11-2012 , 09:02 PM

KB24

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Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAsianPlayboy

if the goal is to stay married

you minimize all risk by cutting ties with the ex.

What's the benefit? friendship? Girls are bad friends.

You see literally no benefit staying friends with your ex? Why date them in the first place? Only sex?

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10-11-2012 , 09:05 PM

nullspace

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My theory is that any attractive ex is not worth staying in contact because either

(a) She dumped you

or

(b) You broke up with her because her personality is lacking and her appearance alone wasn't enough reason for you to stay in the relationship

There is no point in staying in contact with someone like that when you are married.

To put it more simply, if she is attractive and friend-worthy then you wouldn't have broken up with her.

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10-11-2012 , 09:06 PM

KB24

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nullspace

c) you like each other but only as friends?

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10-11-2012 , 09:09 PM

nullspace

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Quote:

Originally Posted by KB24

c) you like each other but only as friends?

Can't happen. If she's likeable as a friend AND attractive then the only reason you broke up with her is because she is too good for you.

Sorry bro, you don't want to hang out with someone when there is an imbalance like that.

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10-11-2012 , 09:11 PM

#10

Booker Wolfbox

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I knew there would not be any pics of attractive exes and I still opened the thread. Guh.

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10-11-2012 , 09:13 PM

#11

TheAsianPlayboy

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Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 1,315

who wants the friendship more. You or her.

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10-11-2012 , 09:17 PM

#12

KB24

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10-11-2012 , 09:45 PM

#13

Hardball47

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This will not end well.

Regardless of your wife's personality, there will be jealousy, and you can bet your house that you'd start seeing inklings of it in your day to day interactions with your wife. Even the slightest things will change, like how she suddenly stops doing the little things for you for example.

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10-11-2012 , 09:50 PM

#14

diddy!

Twas diddyeinstein

Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 10,849

Quote:

Originally Posted by nullspace

You are wrong. That is unsurprising but nonetheless it is true.

The answer to your question OP is dependent upon your wife. If she is cool with it, then go ahead. If not, then evaluate the friendship vs. the relationship and there should be a clear winner.

Also if your ex is unattractive, do you just not see this as a problem? Why would you date an unattractive girl in the first place?

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10-11-2012 , 09:53 PM

#15

WhiteGoose

confirmed loose

Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 13,009

I think every time you break up, your goal needs to be to find someone better than your ex in every imaginable way. That way they replace everything that you loved about your ex. And there is no need to ever go back for anything. Sure you miss them... it's like trading in your first car, a '96 Impala for a new one, a 2006 Cadillac DTS, and finally a 2012 Cadillac Escalade. Yeah you miss your old cars but the new ones are so much better there is no reason to go back.

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10-11-2012 , 09:58 PM

#16

Abbaddabba

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the lower down people are on the social ladder the more they tend to get jealous over things like this.

there're obviously limits to how intimate the friendship can be, but anyone who would hold it against their significant other for staying in touch with an ex isn't worth marrying.

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10-11-2012 , 10:12 PM

#17

Hardball47

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Abbaddabba

the lower down people are on the social ladder the more they tend to get jealous over things like this.

there're obviously limits to how intimate the friendship can be, but anyone who would hold it against their significant other for staying in touch with an ex isn't worth marrying.

Yes, of course, because human emotions are intricately linked to socio-economic class, and higher class people are obviously above primitive reactions, such as jealousy.

Please forward me your dissertation on this.

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10-11-2012 , 10:31 PM

#18

Abbaddabba

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socio-economic class isn't the what i meant by social value.

just comes down to how dumb 'n ugly you are.

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10-11-2012 , 10:51 PM

#19

KB24

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Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,465

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abbaddabba

Are you a girl?

Most heterosexual guys have only 1 thought when they're in a presence of a hot girl. That is: i wanna f you. Isn't this a toxic mix?

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10-11-2012 , 11:03 PM

#20

TomCollins

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nullspace

Absolutely false- sometimes you just want different things from life. Sometimes you realize that a relationship would be terrible.

I love when the guy who has never had any relationship with a female gives advice. But keep believing your Jr High-level of knowledge about relationships.

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10-11-2012 , 11:16 PM

#21

Abbaddabba

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yea, but you should be able to resist temptation.

if you're married to a 9, you're not going to be like "oh daayyyumm... a 9.5. i gots ta **** her now" unless you're some kind of an emotional cripple.

if your entire relationship with women revolves around boning then obviously there's no reason to stay friends, but for a lot of people relationships go beyond that.

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10-11-2012 , 11:21 PM

#22

KB24

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Abbaddabba

you didn't answer my question though. Are you gay or a girl? It's not a question meant to offend just to understand what point of view you're looking at this from. Because straight guys look at this differently.

if the girl is hot and you're friends, then one day you'll both get drunk and resisting the temptation won't be as easy in that state. Disagree?

Everyone who cheated tells a similar tale: "i didn't know what i was thinking. one thing lead to another. i just made a dumb mistake".

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10-11-2012 , 11:25 PM

#23

TomCollins

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Quote:

Originally Posted by KB24

What makes you think it's likely you'll get drunk alone around her?

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10-11-2012 , 11:30 PM

#24

Abbaddabba

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Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 5,807

i'm a straight guy.
and i do disagree.
it isn't inevitable that it will happen.
the decision to get drunk with her is as big a betrayal of trust as the actual act of ****ing her.

i don't know what most people would do, but i do know that most people are pretty ****ing stupid.

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10-11-2012 , 11:35 PM

#25

ham on rye

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Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 5,531

Quote:

Originally Posted by KB24

are you 15 years old chronologically, or just intellectually? this question is not meant to offend, just to understand what point of view you're looking at this from. because adults looks at this differently.

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