So IYO, I came here and bared my soul autonomously because I wanted affirmation for bad behavior? That makes no sense. If that's what I wanted I would seek out my friends and tell them how I'm going to start banging chicks again this weekend.

Obviously there is no use arguing on the internet, but I am truly motivated to change.

Then you got one mighty jihad on your hands.

I am more partial to that one....

I don't believe in self-deception of the magnitude required for this statement to be true.

if you are truly motivated to change, then take it one step at a time. reconcile with your mother and start treating her with the respect she deserves. don't try to get back together with the ex, the best thing you can do for her is to stay far, far away.

after that spend some time away from other people. take up running, read some books, go on an extended trip by yourself. You'll learn a lot more about who you are if you aren't constantly surrounded by people who reinforce what you think of yourself.

oh hai dere OP, I'll just leave this here

and these

Your concern is misguided - OP is a huge tool. Don't waste your emogaylord breath on this guy.

I wish bisonbison would start his own forum El Diablo style and take care of all these threads for us.

OP:

I hope one day in the future you read back that drivel to yourself and have a hearty lol at how annoyingly narcisstic/gay you were back in teh day. Not meaning to come off so harsh, but I'm sort of annoyed I took the time to read your entire OP - it's incredibly pedestrian and trite stuff man.

Ugh, that paragraph is pretty gross.

No, you wanted affirmation for being the way that you are. It's good you realized it, but honestly I think there's a lot of self reflection that needs to be done.

You seem to be more focused on your outward actions rather than your inward attitude about things. Actions are the result of thought processes.

I have a lot to say on this matter because I reached similar realizations about myself 5 months ago, but yours seem to be a little different and I'm not sure you're really ready for what you need to hear. Basically, for me, it was looking back at the cluster**** that's been my life over the last several years, and looking at it through a lens of persecution and thoughts of "I'm uber intelligent, ultra attractive, everyone loves me, I just tend to have awful luck" and having that slowly fall apart.

I'm slowly and painfully realizing while I am intelligent and attractive and people do love me, almost none of the things I thought about myself are entirely true. I behave often as an utterly foolish person would and I cannot explain that anymore. I'm completely single and nearly isolated, and while that area's slowly been improving, it broke a few of the delusions I'd had about that. I really hope for your sake you don't need to reach that point, and I'm not saying you're delusional, but a lot of what you're saying sounds eerily like my thought processes used to be.

FWIW I am a legit diagnosed sociopath and even upon realizing that it was true, I could only think of how much more awesome it made me, rather than deciding to make a conscious effort to change. Your entire psyche will rebel against the idea. I still don't know whether I want to change, I still have this feeling that everyone else should. IDK if any of that rings true for you but just my side of things.

Therapy has helped me but it's really difficult to sit there and try to change thought processes that have been rattling around in your head for decades.


ninja edit: Another thing I wanted to say is it sounds to me like you've suddenly become "self aware," and there's a lot of horror and insecurity and shame that comes with the thought that you may not be the person you've always thought. I guarantee that passes, but hopefully with change rather than regression.

jmak, given your deranged mental state and your personal bias regarding these issues, do you really think you are in a position to give advice here?

OP, my read is different from other peoples here. i don't see your post as a secret brag. i just take your post at face value. i see a person who i would despise if i might in person, but someone who appears to be legitimately honest with himself. although if i think about it, i have never met a person who sounds as annoying and bad as you, yet simultaneously truthful.

anyway, the first step to fixing a problem is knowing what it is, and then the second step is having desire to fix it, and then the third step is taking actions. step three follows pretty naturally from steps 1 and 2 so if me and you are right you can be hopeful.

i don't get why you are being so hard on OP? in his OP he goes on for a while but it is not really emo ranting as most of the post is actually a story of his life and he gives details about specific events and generally does not ramble on about feelings.

given that I've been there, yes. I believe I'm one of the few.

what qualifications do you have?

how much?

Given I agree with most of jmakinmecrzy's assessment I have to say he is pretty much dead on.

LirvA's advice will fix OP. more of the second part.
OP all your answers can be found in hallucinogens.

you misunderstand son. it's the same idea like we wouldn't want a recovering part time crack addict giving advice to a full time crack addict

I'm not your son, it's not the same, and to address your analogy, what the **** do you think happens in AA?

His read on this is perfect:

OP has spent his life incubating serious delusions about being a superior sort of person and some kind of puppetmaster -- from that delusion comes the behaviour, which he was already aware is bad and is not the new information.

The irony in TheMoreYouKnow's handle is pretty fantastic.

I can't believe I read that ****ing wall of text in the OP. Oh bless your heart, you want to learn how to be content like all the other fish out there? What the **** makes you think you're that special? Believe me when I say, you are not. jamaking is pretty spot on, you need to replace that window that you look through to see the outside world before you can make any progress.

Yeah it must be tough that the world keeps failing to recognize what a hot property he is.

I increasingly feel like it's likely all these aptitude tests were self-administered, since he doesn't mention that anything ever came of them. I would like more details on whether he was re-routed into a gifted program, skipped a grade, or was awarded any scholarships. What was his GPA in college, and what is he doing now? How's that going?

Undermining and "correcting" his girlfriend was him lashing out that this inferior person was getting attention and validation that he thinks is his by right. He can't very well instruct people to pay attention to him instead of her (that would be petty), but he can antagonize and shame his girlfriend into deflecting the approval that hopefully might then be directed towards him. That this went on for two years is a pretty good indication that this is who he really is, regardless of whatever awakening he thinks he's having now.

Finally, he basically asked how he can settle and be like the other fish (a species not noted for their robust intellects or complex inner lives). The question itself and any advice in that vein accepts and reinforces this lol idea that the world isn't able to accommodate a person as remarkable as OP and he must therefore come down to our level if he is to find any peace.

OP, you want to improve? Stop acting in this I film you run in your head and focus instead on making other people happy, other people feel rewarded, other people feel recognized and appreciated.

Because the OP (didn't really read what else he wrote) is incredibly constructed and disingenuous. Probably the most hilarious/damning aspect of all this is that OP is completely unaware of this fact. I get the sense that OP thinks he's really smart, but is in reality only kinda smart.

If OP were some messed up dude who really needed some help/advice, and spoke honestly about his issues, of course I'd be sympathetic.