Cit,

When people mention that guideline, I've heard it as cost of dinner, not cost of wedding.

1. Thanks. I think you're right about the wording. I was trying to illustrate that they have never worried for money, (Sort of the inverse of the allowance we make for the great-grandparent who lived through the Great Depression), and to show the extreme (imo) level of stinge, considering that they had absolutely no stake in the expense.

As you pointed out, I seem to have opened it up to unintended interpretations.

2. It depends...sort of.

Right now the answer would be 'no', because we have a special needs toddler. We agreed that I would stay home to provide 1-on-1 care and shuttle her to her daily therapies. The loss of my income, and the reality of her exorbitant medical needs on the remaining income, would put that trip out of our reach right now. I would decline the invite and send something I could afford from the registry. If I really loved them I'd come up with something insane, fun and homemade that involved many hours of work and would knock their socks off.

Off the top of my head, something like a beautifully bound, caligraphy coffee-table book of "Marital Advice for *******s", or an origami diorama of the fun I expect I'm missing...which would depict their wedding as a dragon and ninja filled place of hookers, drunks, and , or I'd learn needle point and make them the most innapropriate throw pillows of all time.

...I'm starting to get excited about this. I hope someone invites me to a wedding I can't attend, but I don't think I have any unmarried friends that are that loaded.

Anyway,

5 years from now when we have dual income again, the answer would be, "yes" we would probably approach that number.


Also, I think you're right about the number reflecting the guest expense.

well, at least those millionaires will have all that cash saved up when they are a corpse rotting in the ground, or dying slowly of dementia. Instead of wasting it on a crazy one time thing like a wedding. Imagine the stuff they can do with that much moolah!

LOL canned sardines wtf id **** on her plate.

$5 has to be an old people gift or a troll, theres no other option.

when ive done yard work outside for really old people like a boss(nah i was 14 and my parents demanded it) and wow their pay was always stellar.

Like $15 for 2 hours+ of yardwork. Every weekend I helped them I felt I was being trolololol'd

pass it to their kids and grandkids? give it to a cause they care about?

they dont seem like the people that would do either of those things.

Kristy,

If you're a courtesy invite, whatever. But in the scenario you describe, if you're a good friend, every single person I know would prefer you come to the wedding and give a small or even no gift than decline due to the expense.

Yeah, this.

Kristy, your stance about wanting to make it a perfect day for them is pretty inconsistent with what your behavior would be in El D's scenario. In general, people who throw expensive extremely lavish weddings like that neither need or want your money or an expensive gift.

In fact, if they received a $1000 gift from you and knew it was anything more than a trivial expense for you, you would make their day less perfect than if you gave them a less expensive gift (obv, assuming you're a good friend).

Watery, I can think of a few hundred other things that I'd rather pay for than an over the top "dream" wedding. The lessons you should have learned from working hard in the Summer didn't do you much good, you don't really seem to know how money works.

What the hell? Surely this can't be real.

In the scenario YOU described, the gift would be the least expensive part by the time you fly out, pay for hotel, rental car, food, and appropriate childcare, or the extra expenses involved in bringing the children to appropriate childcare.

Also...haters from earlier pay attention 'cause you're gonna love griping to me about this...I'm thinking along the lines of college or childhood bestfriend. The odds that they're gonna spend any significant time missing you on their wedding day is almost nil. If they think of you at all.

Kristy,

Ok fine, change it to a similar "price" wedding (or basically any price you can't really afford to lay out) where you live, my point remains the same.

I got married in Scotland. My two witnesses flew in from Australia. One of them gave me a gift of a nice book. The real gift was his presence.

Thoroughly embarrassed? For what? Not having enough disposable income to spend on someone else's wedding?

Not everybody makes the same amount of money, and I think its pretty rude to belittle someone for a gift if you don't know what their financial situation is.

Seems to be yet another case of "be exactly like me or you suck"-itis

What do you mean not everyone is in the exact financial situation I am in?

Now I feel like a cheapskate, I had very few good friends growing up, 2 of them have gotten married so far, for them I treated them and their spouse to a nice night out or a sporting event before the wedding. For every other wedding I have gone to my presence should be present enough

$5 is a ridiculous gift no matter what your financial situation. If you can't afford something financially do something else that doesn't cost money.

Edit: Old people and extreme socially awkward/clueless people can get a pass.

jj,

Some sort of sexual favor?

Possibly? If that's what works for you - definitely!

I had a family member make a pretty awesome scrapbook. Another painted something for us. Both of those probably cost more than $5 but I'm sure you could think of things that are free but would still make good presents.

Did you make a spreadsheet of what all your guests gave you as gifts or something?

We did. Although more for thank you cards and to make sure we remembered who gave us what.

Quiet you, men are lecturing a woman on how to properly woman!

Did you chop the book in half?

I was going to, but then my wife cried and said she'd prefer that I got it rather than the book being hurt in any way, so they gave it to her! WTF?

No one willing to spend the electricity required to post in this thread for the last 3 months === stingy

My boss(general contractor) at the time made $11k profit in 3 days and was talking about docking our painter $45 for painting a window the wrong color.