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Old 03-03-2012, 06:49 PM   #201
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

it may not have happened
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Old 03-03-2012, 06:56 PM   #202
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Re: Sick Burns You've Delivered IRL

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Originally Posted by Mikita0 View Post
9th Grade English: We're reading Romeo and Juliet in class out loud, a snobbish girl gets to the word "fie" and she questioningly reads "fee...?" "fi...?" I deadpan "fo fum"
I like this one.
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:29 AM   #203
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Oh yeah, that one is great.
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:03 AM   #204
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

One time I was sharing a motel room with my friend, and about 3 other friends. We went out that night and he was hanging out with this girl. They all got back to the room before me, but when I got back it was pitch black and I passed straight out. In the morning I looked around to see who was there and couldn't see the girl, So I assumed she didnt come back. So I said to him loud "why didnt you bring that f--king sl-t back?". Everyone burst out laughing and sure enough she was there in the bed with him under the blankets. Ooops. I felt pretty bad about this one.
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:51 AM   #205
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

A group of us were in DC area college town. We were drunk as hell. We somehow hooked up with some girls, however, I had nothing to do with it, I was wasted. We end up somewhere at some house, I had no idea where we were or if we had been driving for 1 minute or 1 hour to get there.

We go into the house and seem to be having a decent time. Dudes were there though, after much retrospect the girls used us to get home. One of the dudes is getting all pissed off at us. He flips over the coffee table, he was eating cereal, it goes everywhere.

I tell him to **** off. He grabs an iron as if he were going to hit me with it and I say, "hey, I have some shirts I need ironed." He didnt have the balls. My friends thought I was pretty funny and used that quote for a while. I ended up puking in the car on the way home.

You had to be there.
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Old 03-04-2012, 11:30 AM   #206
 
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

HAHAHAHA

THAT SICK BURN IS BASED ON A DOUBLE MEANING OF THE WORD "IRON"

CLASSIC
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:06 PM   #207
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

At a friend's party and his brother is being dickish, trying to hold court over our group with multiple lame stories about how tough his job is as assistant manager of a shoe store. The third or fourth story tells us about how the store has a special needs employee who effed up that day blah blah. As soon as he pauses I said "is he the manager?"
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:12 PM   #208
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

B- burn, A+ timing.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:18 PM   #209
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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D- burn, A+ timing.
FYP.
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Old 03-04-2012, 12:57 PM   #210
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Dang, was hoping the judges would give me B+
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:43 PM   #211
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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HAHAHAHA

THAT SICK BURN IS BASED ON A DOUBLE MEANING OF THE WORD "IRON"

CLASSIC
Can you like, not do this?
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Old 03-04-2012, 02:55 PM   #212
 
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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Can you like, not do this?
You're right. I would just hate to spoil an obvious 5 star thread.
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:04 PM   #213
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Iron line is pretty solid.

I love that spot where guys get mad at other guys trying to **** the same girls they're trying to ****. YOU ARE BEHAVING EXACTLY LIKE I WOULD AND OH MAN THAT'S SOME NERVE.
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:07 PM   #214
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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You're right. I would just hate to spoil an obvious 5 star thread.
Why do you need to spoil this thread at all. Take your cheerful existence somewhere where they'll appreciate you ****ting on everything indiscriminately.
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:29 PM   #215
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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How the **** did your participation in a class field trip get put to a vote?
cuz his teacher is a bitch, ldo
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:36 PM   #216
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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Why do you need to spoil this thread at all. Take your cheerful existence somewhere where they'll appreciate you ****ting on everything indiscriminately.
BUT I LOVED HIS ALL CAPS POSTS ITT

THEY DROWNED OUT THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:42 PM   #217
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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zing!

licking the ice cream at the end sealed the deal

A+
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Old 03-04-2012, 05:52 PM   #218
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

He has a remarkably long tongue.
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Old 03-04-2012, 08:49 PM   #219
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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Old 03-04-2012, 10:41 PM   #220
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Scrubs
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Old 03-05-2012, 12:50 AM   #221
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

We were dropping off my MIL and SIL at a small airport in Ontario, CA. It's a small airport with two terminals. It was slow at 8AM in the morning with no more than two cars at the terminal. I dropped them off with my wife and SIL's bf to say their good-byes as I wait in the car playing a game on my iphone.

Everything was going well until a 350 lb fat security dude walks up to tell me I have to move my car. I had just bought my new iphone 3gs at the time and was obviously annoyed I had to stop playing to drive. After i moved up 50 yards I continued on with my game. Five minutes later (walking is hard for fat people) he knocked on my driver side window telling me to move again. ****. I tried to explain to him that I'll move if the traffic picks up. He pointed at the sign that read "no waiting".

I drove a loop around to the original spot to pick up my wife and SIL's bf. As we passed by the overzealous prick, I decided to pull over and roll down the window. My wife gave a polite smile to him because she had no idea what I was up to. I said "excuse me sir," which then he gave me his full attention as if I was going to ask him for help before I delivered: "GET A REAL JOB DUMBASS" He responded with a meek "you *******" as I drove away. My wife was upset I didn't tell her beforehand but it made the delivery soooo much better.
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:03 AM   #222
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Presenting:

That Post By Rakes!

A One-Man Play

[The Abridged Version]

"So I'm on my NEW IPHONE and this security dude is like 'Move your car' but I don't wanna stop playing my game SO ANNOYING but I like move the car and the FATTY walks over again and I'm like SO ANNOYED AGAIN but whatever I drive around the loop and pick up my wife and as we're leaving I TOTALLY get that fatty with: 'GET A REAL JOB DUMBASS!!!111!!'"

"P.S. I totally rule."

"P.P.S. I'm stroking my iPhone right now."

Last edited by lagdonk; 03-05-2012 at 01:14 AM.
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:05 AM   #223
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Yeah, that's not so much a sick burn or a zinger as it is just you being a jerk to someone doing his job. But the fact you called him a dumbass makes me laugh out loud. If you called him a fatass I would've thought you were a douche. But dumbass? THAT'S GOLD, JERRY!
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:31 AM   #224
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

I was def being a jerk but he also could've been more flexible. there was almost no one at the airport at the time

Last edited by rakes; 03-05-2012 at 01:31 AM. Reason: nice post lagdonk
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Old 03-05-2012, 01:38 AM   #225
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Should have just smacked your wife for making you wait.
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:00 AM   #226
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Quote:
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I was def being a jerk but he also could've been more flexible. there was almost no one at the airport at the time
If he doesn't do his job and tell you to gtfo, then he looks like he isn't doing his job, because he isn't. You expect him to risk his living just so you can "catch them all"? He has no incentive to let your self-centeredness come between himself and his living so next time just gtfo and don't be a dick about it gameboy.
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:02 AM   #227
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Yeah, haha. I had that typed out too. You are asking him to do the exact opposite of the rule he was hired to enforce. It's not "NO PARKING" it's "NO WAITING" which is what you're doing. I agree with him unless it was Temple Run. That game is so SUH-WEET!
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:11 AM   #228
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Re: Sick Burns You've Delivered IRL

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I like this guy. Beer cans, trucks, kids, drunken brother, yelling random **** at passers by, them stopping to continue.. Reminds me of my childhood.
Very surprising that you're in law enforcement.
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:23 AM   #229
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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I was def being a jerk but he also could've been more flexible. there was almost no one at the airport at the time
You are very likely a horrible, stupid, selfish person. That you think this story belongs in this thread reflects so incredibly poorly on you
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:25 AM   #230
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

jmakinmecrzy your post quality has really declined recently
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:28 AM   #231
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

We should check his car battery to see if anything in the history will tell us why.
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:43 AM   #232
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Re: Sick Burns You've Delivered IRL

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Where did you get those clothes, from the toilet store?
Pretty good.
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Old 03-05-2012, 02:49 AM   #233
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kTWAvsqlTU
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:24 AM   #234
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

I was in a circle with a few people conversing when the token "cheesy guy" pipes up that he's a "lesbian in a man's body", so I busted out "so you're pretending to be a man or do you like being penetrated with strap ons?"
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:27 AM   #235
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:30 AM   #236
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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jmakinmecrzy your post quality has really declined recently
maybe he just had a bad thread here.
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:43 AM   #237
 
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

I just had the local news back home do a 6pm feature story on this ******* sex offender that broke in my house.......blasted him LOLLLLL


http://www.wral.com/news/local/wral_.../#/vid10791417
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Old 03-05-2012, 03:44 AM   #238
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Quote:
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I was in a circle with a few people conversing when the token "cheesy guy" pipes up that he's a "lesbian in a man's body", so I busted out "so you're pretending to be a man or do you like being penetrated with strap ons?"
The first "burn" that actually made me laugh. Nice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lonely_but_rich View Post
Should have just smacked your wife for making you wait.
Abuse is not funny.
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Old 03-05-2012, 12:26 PM   #239
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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Abuse is not funny.
This is, of course, false.
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Old 03-05-2012, 12:36 PM   #240
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Wonder if Anacardo will ever post itt about that epic delivery to the Burns' househould.
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Old 03-05-2012, 05:22 PM   #241
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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You're right. I would just hate to spoil an obvious 5 star thread.
I like how you feel the need to make it a point that you hate the thread so much and you want everybody to care about your displeasure of it.
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:27 PM   #242
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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I like how you feel the need to make it a point that you hate the thread so much and you want everybody to care about your displeasure of it.
Well mission accomplished for him then, bc here you are responding 36 hours later
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:49 PM   #243
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

did zagat's write this thread title?

hey-o
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:00 PM   #244
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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My 5th or 6th grade teacher's husband was a prison guard who had been charged with smuggling contraband into the prison. She pissed me off because she had the class vote on whether I should be allowed to go on a field trip (I lost, ldo). So I called her a drug dealer like her husband.
i find this incredibly amusing.

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Old 03-05-2012, 11:16 PM   #245
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Small group of coworkers discussing a recent news story in which a guy was convicted of serving his ejaculate along with a yogurt sample to a customer at a grocery store.

Me: "She spit it out on the floor. She knew what she was tasting."

Female coworker: "I would've killed him!"

Me: "You would have asked for seconds!"
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:43 PM   #246
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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I was def being a jerk but he also could've been more flexible. there was almost no one at the airport at the time
Not to pile on here, but way to miss the point of his job. It's not to ease the flow of traffic, it's to minimize the carnage from car bombs.
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Old 03-06-2012, 12:19 AM   #247
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heya View Post
Small group of coworkers discussing a recent news story in which a guy was convicted of serving his ejaculate along with a yogurt sample to a customer at a grocery store.

Me: "She spit it out on the floor. She knew what she was tasting."

Female coworker: "I would've killed him!"

Me: "THINK OF THE CHILDREN"
FYJ
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Old 03-06-2012, 12:29 AM   #248
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

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Not to pile on here, but way to miss the point of his job. It's not to ease the flow of traffic, it's to minimize the carnage from car bombs.
yeah we get a lot of car bombings in canada.
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Old 03-06-2012, 09:49 AM   #249
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

See? It works!
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:42 AM   #250
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Re: "Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL

Was thinking about that "go where you stupid baby" call and couldn't stop laughing. Thought I'd bump the thread...

Oh and one that happened in my footy game on the weekend. We were loosing by like 100 so the opposition was trash talking and what ever. One of them goes to my mate "What will you be doing in September?" My mate replied "I'm pretty rich, probably go to Miami or something" so the guy says "oh yeh? Well we will be in the finals!".

Such a **** burn on par with the go where you stupid baby.
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