It's bad that I feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm repeating stories on OOT, but whatever.

The closest thing that comes to mind for me was accidental. A few years ago I was popping into my advisor's office to talk to him, and he was chatting with some guy who worked in the department. That guy was going to go set up coffee or something before the departmental colloquium, so he said he'd leave. What I meant to say at this point was something stupid but standard like "it's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it." What I actually said, in point of fact, was "yeah, that's . . . uh . . . good work you're doing there." He stared at me for a few seconds while my advisor laughed and then walked away silently. Man I felt like a tool after that.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/34...t-line-961073/

After terminating someone, I said, "on the bright side, now you have the free time to find a job that you'll enjoy."

That guy was an ahole.

Second hand story, but worth telling in here.

Friend accepted a job in Germany after college. He's over there, at a party with co-workers and some German girl decides to get all preachy about war and politics to my American friend. So she's going on and on about Bush and Obama, and caps it off with "You just can't invade another country because you feel like it"

And he responds with "Oh... I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?"

wow that must have brought the house down

Cant relaly think of anything from older, but recently we were deciding where to eat, and I suggested a place, and then my black friend suggested somewhere else. I was like nah man, **** that, and he jokingly said his opinion counts more cause hes bigger(played football tight end), I say, "Ya but your black, so your opinion is worth 3/5ths of mine".

One time we were a trivia team of 4 and I was strongly advocating making our team 3 and 3/5ths men(was right after/during charlie sheen blowup... Unfortunately my opinion didnt win.

your brain has a thick candy shell

I told my ex-wife she would die alone, unwanted and unloved.

"Look buddy, your car was upside-down when I got here. And as for your grandmother, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that."

I've had a ton, but I can't remember most of them and a bunch of them you'd have to know the people so I won't bother with those. Here's two that I got a lot of sh*t for, for obvious reasons.

I was a cook at a restaurant in high school and I was flipping sh*t back and forth with a waitress. She told me to kiss her *ss and I told her I was on a low-fat diet. Everyone laughed, but she wanted me dead for the rest of the night.

Worked at a coffee shop with a girl who was a slutty alcoholic, and also a supervisor (as was I). She usually worked nights, but had to work the opening shift for 2 weeks and she was late almost every day. 3 days in a row she was over an hour late which fell right into the busy time and I was pissed as hell. So I called her and said "Put the d*ck down and get your *ss to work". She was livid, but never actually said anything to me about it directly.

Ah, just remembered one that I'm kind of proud of, and it's recently.

My old roommates friend was over at our place with her boyfriend to pick some stuff up. He was kind of an emo douche. His girlfriend asked him if he had any eyeliner and he said "It should be in my..." and he paused. I said "Your purse? Or your fanny pack." My roommate and the dudes girlfriend both cracked up, which made me take one more stab. "Wait. It's probably in your *sshole". My roommate went to her room and shut the door she was laughing so hard.

I forgot the whole story but there was a teenage girl talking on her cell phone on the subway and some guy took it, broke it in half and threw it on the floor before he got off.

Awesome.

Ah, another one I remember - when I was a kid shopping with my mom some lady with a "divorced" license plate stole her parking spot and she couldn't think of anything to say. When were were walking out later she said, "I know why she was divorced."

When I first moved to LA, CA, I was introduced a Danish girl named Titte. She was tall, cute and kinda skinny. "This is Titte. It's spelled like Tit.." I looked her up and down and said "With a name spelled like that, you'd think they'd be bigger." She laughed a lot and we've been incredibly close ever since. Had she not laughed, I wouldn't have cared and probably never would've spoken again. Well worth it.