it may not have happened

I like this one.

Oh yeah, that one is great.

One time I was sharing a motel room with my friend, and about 3 other friends. We went out that night and he was hanging out with this girl. They all got back to the room before me, but when I got back it was pitch black and I passed straight out. In the morning I looked around to see who was there and couldn't see the girl, So I assumed she didnt come back. So I said to him loud "why didnt you bring that f--king sl-t back?". Everyone burst out laughing and sure enough she was there in the bed with him under the blankets. Ooops. I felt pretty bad about this one.

A group of us were in DC area college town. We were drunk as hell. We somehow hooked up with some girls, however, I had nothing to do with it, I was wasted. We end up somewhere at some house, I had no idea where we were or if we had been driving for 1 minute or 1 hour to get there.

We go into the house and seem to be having a decent time. Dudes were there though, after much retrospect the girls used us to get home. One of the dudes is getting all pissed off at us. He flips over the coffee table, he was eating cereal, it goes everywhere.

I tell him to **** off. He grabs an iron as if he were going to hit me with it and I say, "hey, I have some shirts I need ironed." He didnt have the balls. My friends thought I was pretty funny and used that quote for a while. I ended up puking in the car on the way home.

You had to be there.

HAHAHAHA

THAT SICK BURN IS BASED ON A DOUBLE MEANING OF THE WORD "IRON"

CLASSIC

At a friend's party and his brother is being dickish, trying to hold court over our group with multiple lame stories about how tough his job is as assistant manager of a shoe store. The third or fourth story tells us about how the store has a special needs employee who effed up that day blah blah. As soon as he pauses I said "is he the manager?"

B- burn, A+ timing.

FYP.

Dang, was hoping the judges would give me B+

Can you like, not do this?

You're right. I would just hate to spoil an obvious 5 star thread.

Iron line is pretty solid.

I love that spot where guys get mad at other guys trying to **** the same girls they're trying to ****. YOU ARE BEHAVING EXACTLY LIKE I WOULD AND OH MAN THAT'S SOME NERVE.

Why do you need to spoil this thread at all. Take your cheerful existence somewhere where they'll appreciate you ****ting on everything indiscriminately.

cuz his teacher is a bitch, ldo

BUT I LOVED HIS ALL CAPS POSTS ITT

THEY DROWNED OUT THE VOICES IN MY HEAD

licking the ice cream at the end sealed the deal

A+

He has a remarkably long tongue.

Scrubs

We were dropping off my MIL and SIL at a small airport in Ontario, CA. It's a small airport with two terminals. It was slow at 8AM in the morning with no more than two cars at the terminal. I dropped them off with my wife and SIL's bf to say their good-byes as I wait in the car playing a game on my iphone.

Everything was going well until a 350 lb fat security dude walks up to tell me I have to move my car. I had just bought my new iphone 3gs at the time and was obviously annoyed I had to stop playing to drive. After i moved up 50 yards I continued on with my game. Five minutes later (walking is hard for fat people) he knocked on my driver side window telling me to move again. ****. I tried to explain to him that I'll move if the traffic picks up. He pointed at the sign that read "no waiting".

I drove a loop around to the original spot to pick up my wife and SIL's bf. As we passed by the overzealous prick, I decided to pull over and roll down the window. My wife gave a polite smile to him because she had no idea what I was up to. I said "excuse me sir," which then he gave me his full attention as if I was going to ask him for help before I delivered: "GET A REAL JOB DUMBASS" He responded with a meek "you *******" as I drove away. My wife was upset I didn't tell her beforehand but it made the delivery soooo much better.

Presenting:

That Post By Rakes!

A One-Man Play

[The Abridged Version]

"So I'm on my NEW IPHONE and this security dude is like 'Move your car' but I don't wanna stop playing my game SO ANNOYING but I like move the car and the FATTY walks over again and I'm like SO ANNOYED AGAIN but whatever I drive around the loop and pick up my wife and as we're leaving I TOTALLY get that fatty with: 'GET A REAL JOB DUMBASS!!!111!!'"

"P.S. I totally rule."

"P.P.S. I'm stroking my iPhone right now."

Yeah, that's not so much a sick burn or a zinger as it is just you being a jerk to someone doing his job. But the fact you called him a dumbass makes me laugh out loud. If you called him a fatass I would've thought you were a douche. But dumbass? THAT'S GOLD, JERRY!

I was def being a jerk but he also could've been more flexible. there was almost no one at the airport at the time

Should have just smacked your wife for making you wait.