very well played

I broke up with a girl in college (way past time I should have). She started dating some other dude which I was ecstatic about because it meant she'd stop stalking me. Was at some party with the new BF (she wasn't there) and I was talking **** over some drinking game. He tried to respond with "Oh yeah, well I'm with [Jessica] now and she says I'm the best and biggest she's ever had." I respond with "Good for you. Just know when you're with her that she's swallowed a gallon of my jizz and I shot another gallon in her." Wasn't so much a "sick burn" as you could have heard a pin drop as he processed the information and realized that he wasn't the winner in that situation.

SOMETHING IN ALL CAPS RIDICULING YOU THAT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE JMAKINMECRZY IS ON A DRUG FUELED KILLING SPREE I MEAN UNAVAILABLE RIGHT NOW

pretty balanced finishing range there N.

very nice

Where did you get those clothes, from the toilet store?

a buddy of mine caught his friend's girlfriend making out with another dude. later in the night when they she was up at the bar he ordered two shots. when they arrived he took both, said, "**** you", and walked away.

this is really weak, sorry

When I was firing this one person I told them "we have already met our quota for people who don't do anything around here so we have to let you go".

my fav was in 9th grade. I was always small for my age growing up and maybe hit puberty a bit later than most my age. So I grew a decent amount summer before 9th grade and my voice was no longer squeaky. Girl who I had known for several years commented in front of a couple of my friends and a couple of hers in her normal smart ass manner, "Gee Mark, you finally hit puberty." I immediately looked at her chest and said "You didn't." Almost drew tears and she didn't speak to me for a couple weeks (not long enough).

This is the worst post I have ever seen. Not sick or a burn. Hopefully didn't happen IRL

I liked the Disneyland/stupid baby burn, you stupid babies.

A baby would probably be too young to properly enjoy Disneyland. Maybe 6-10 seems like a good age. Also, they all go to Disney World in Florida these days.

sorry bro but unless u whip it out and prove him wrong u lose imo

I think a lot of lives were irreparably damaged by some of these burns.

one time my brother in law was giving me crap about troubles I was having with my significant other and I was all like

"I know you’re the big 'relationship expert'. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. Your wife is dead!"

Is this thread about burns or being an anti-social douche?

Happened last Saturday at a bar when I got together with some friends. A friend of mine brought a very effiminate date. The guy was so obviously a closet gay. She's kind of dominant, so I can see why she's going out with him. We were talking about random ****, and ****in' ABORTION of all subjects came up.

Effiminate dude was anti-abortion and he said, "if I have a child with one of my lovers, we both have a responsibility to the life we create."

I quipped with, "what are you talking about? Men can't get pregnant."

a gay? a gay?

what is this, the 1980s?

it's "an gay"

It was the first time I ever heard this joke/burn...

While in highschool I was with a bunch of friends on the beach and we ended up randomly talking to a drunk english professor.

The professor is ranting about Jews in the media and ends the rant with some anti-semantic remark about WWII.

My friend: Hey man, not cool, my grandparents died in a concentration camp.
Professor: Oh, I'm sorry, my uncle did too, he got drunk and fell off the watchtower.

-------------

I was walking by a Planned Parenthood which had 2-3 old ladies protesting with "ABORTION KILLS!" posters that had photo's of dead fetuses. Another pedestrian stops in his tracks, looks at the poster, looks at the old lady straight in the eye for a second and then yells, "THAT'S THE ****ING POINT!!!"

Not really a burn but the delivery was amazing.

So you gay bashed some guy you had never met before, who is dating your friend?

that seems over the line dickish

so at poker last night some middle aged dude was falling asleep in between hands (1amish) and i found out he'd just sat down, so i said HEY SLEEPING BEAUTY, BEATS THE COUCH AMIRITE? AND THE WHOLE TABLE WENT BONKERRRRRRSSSSSSSS

the only burns I've delivered have been at the poker table and are totally inappropriate for OOT

RB