Coworker of mine once commented that the beard I was sporting at the time made me look like the kind of person who hung out in bushes waiting to grab little kids walking by.

I told him that just because he caught me hanging out in his mother's bush, doesn't mean I like to hang out in bushes in general.

Constant erection = sickest burn

I don't get this, what is the punch line?

It's so bad I can't stop laughing.

Although the practice is illegal throughout much of western civilization, there are women who will perform sexual acts in exchange for money. They are called prostitutes, or more colloquially, hookers. The stereotypical sales technique of a hooker is to stand on a street corner, usually wearing lots of makeup, high heels, and a skimpy outfit that leaves very little to the imagination. While in polite society such an outfit would generally be considered "tacky", or in poor taste, the intended result is to stimulate the lascivious impulses of men in the hope that they will stop at the street corner and inquire as to the price of the hooker's services. I believe MD was insinuating that his classmate was prostituting herself on the weekend, and wanted to know which street corner she was working.

what is a divorced license plate?

omg this thread is AIDS

This needs much more of a story.

Eating lunch with 2 co-workers, one of them being of the d-bag/a-hole variety, and the other a pretty good friend of mine. We are shooting the **** when the d-bag burps loudly and laughs. I say to my friend, "Do you suddenly smell semen?"

HAHAHAHA BECAUSE HE SUCKS DICK, RIGHT?

Chaffing =! burning.

senior year, ap gov, we were in class working in groups of 4 on some project. was me, my girlfriend, and two friends, and we got started talking about what kind of cars we would be if we were cars. my girlfriend said something stupid like a miata or something, and i say "nah, you'd definitely be a pinto cause if you get hit from behind you explode." my friends stood up and started doing a slow clap, which obviously drew attention and the teacher (who was the man) asked what happened. they tell him what i said, and he and the rest of the guys in the room all stood and joined in the slow clap while i got the most disgusted looks from all the women. that was a fun class.

One of my buddies since high school is huge. Like 6 foot 10ish and weighs who knows what. Just a huge kid. Ever since I can remember when we go out people always come up and ask him how tall he is, does he play football and just ignorant annoying questions. This kid has always been self conscious about how big he is and you can tell it bothers him. It always pissed me off when people would come up to him like while we are eating out and ask him stupid **** about his size.

A couple years ago we had just turned 21 and were eating dinner and having some drinks at a bar. The bar is a box so you can see the people across from you. I've had a couple drinks and am drinking legally at a bar, I'm feeling good. This ugly older woman who you can tell is a regular and just an awful human being yells across the table "How tall are you?" Before my friend can respond I shout back "What cup size is your bra?" She is taken back and looks shocked. I ask again "What size are your tits?" She slunked back in her chair and hopefully I shut her up for the rest of the night.

I was thinking I must have a really bad memory cuz I cant really recall any specifics of my sick burns, but I know ive had a billion, cuz I constantly sick burn people.

Reading this thread tho, I realize that the reason a bunch of the people in this thread can remember theirs is because they are really really bad at sick burns, so if they even came close to one it stands out in their mind.

you guys end up making the most lopsided eiffel tower?

drunkenly yo momma'ing each other on the way to the bar, the night after goodie banged a whale:

"yo mommas so fat, goodie had sex with her"

I'm assuming eiffel tower is the same as and A frame. In which case, A+.

And then you tied her to a tree in the middle of a forest.

Most of these are cringeworthy and not sick burns.

this is exactly me.

is that your opinion of this thread or a sick burn you delivered?

Your head's the one that's got the...shell...on it.

these

imo, the best burns are usually among a group of friends and the burn is somewhat of an inside joke, so a bunch of randoms on a forum won't appreciate