"Sick" "Burns" You've Delivered IRL - Page 2 - Other Topics Forum - Discuss Pop Culture, Arts and Entertainment

Ah, just remembered one that I'm kind of proud of, and it's recently.

My old roommates friend was over at our place with her boyfriend to pick some stuff up. He was kind of an emo douche. His girlfriend asked him if he had any eyeliner and he said "It should be in my..." and he paused. I said "Your purse? Or your fanny pack." My roommate and the dudes girlfriend both cracked up, which made me take one more stab. "Wait. It's probably in your *sshole". My roommate went to her room and shut the door she was laughing so hard.

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02-09-2012 , 02:32 AM

#27

lonely_but_rich

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I forgot the whole story but there was a teenage girl talking on her cell phone on the subway and some guy took it, broke it in half and threw it on the floor before he got off.

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02-09-2012 , 02:38 AM

#28

Hardball47

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Originally Posted by DC11GTR

She told me to kiss her *ss and I told her I was on a low-fat diet.

Awesome.

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02-09-2012 , 02:38 AM

#29

lonely_but_rich

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Ah, another one I remember - when I was a kid shopping with my mom some lady with a "divorced" license plate stole her parking spot and she couldn't think of anything to say. When were were walking out later she said, "I know why she was divorced."

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02-09-2012 , 02:42 AM

#30

DC11GTR

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When I first moved to LA, CA, I was introduced a Danish girl named Titte. She was tall, cute and kinda skinny. "This is Titte. It's spelled like Tit.." I looked her up and down and said "With a name spelled like that, you'd think they'd be bigger." She laughed a lot and we've been incredibly close ever since. Had she not laughed, I wouldn't have cared and probably never would've spoken again. Well worth it.

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02-09-2012 , 03:05 AM

#31

Hold'em 07

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At my ex's house one day and she starts arguing with me over something stupid. Blah blah blah she tells me "get out of my house!" and without missing a beat I reply with "this isn't your house"

her family had received notice that they had a month to move out from their bank earlier that week.

(she was a bitch)

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02-09-2012 , 03:13 AM

#32

DC11GTR

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Ouch.

Very nice though.

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02-09-2012 , 03:33 AM

#33

ImsaKidd

CHOO CHOO

Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 20,758

Carving a sweater vest in a pumpkin.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/34...-sweet-324760/

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02-09-2012 , 03:34 AM

#34

txdome

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Quote:

Originally Posted by gumpzilla

It's bad that I feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm repeating stories on OOT, but whatever.

The closest thing that comes to mind for me was accidental. A few years ago I was popping into my advisor's office to talk to him, and he was chatting with some guy who worked in the department. That guy was going to go set up coffee or something before the departmental colloquium, so he said he'd leave. What I meant to say at this point was something stupid but standard like "it's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it." What I actually said, in point of fact, was "yeah, that's . . . uh . . . good work you're doing there." He stared at me for a few seconds while my advisor laughed and then walked away silently. Man I felt like a tool after that.

Worst story in this thread? Or worst story ever?

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02-09-2012 , 03:46 AM

#35

3kingme3

old hand

Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,483

Not really a sick burn but me my roommate and 4 friends were having dinner at the cosmo. My roommate was telling a story and it started dragging worse and worse, finally it just got so bad I couldnt take it anymore and I just loudly said cool story bro and everyone burst out laughing for a solid 30 seconds to a minute.

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02-09-2012 , 03:48 AM

#36

TheJubilantMale

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Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 2,546

In class back when I was 16-17 a friend of mine is goofing around, squirting water on a girl. The teacher tells him to knock it off and I say: "Don't be too hard on him, it's the only way he can get the girls wet." He turned beet red and everybody else laughed their ass off.

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02-09-2012 , 03:54 AM

#37

Fear Itself

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 3,509

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3kingme3

Spoiler:

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02-09-2012 , 04:21 AM

#38

EfromPegTown

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Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 3,063

My dad told me a story of the first time he went to pick my mom up for a date.

He's sitting on the couch, when my mom comes in and introduces my grandpa. Soon after my grandma comes down the stairs all excited and is like "Helen [my mom], I just weighed myself and I lost 5 pounds"

Without missing a beat my dad says "Look behind you"

My grandma had a pretty good sense of humor thankfully.

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02-09-2012 , 06:24 AM

#39

walmart shopper

enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 88

Out of the blue my self conscience ,balding co-worker says. "You know what pisses me off?"
I say. "Male pattern baldness?"
He says. "**** you"
I say. "You want some ice for that buuuuurrrn."

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02-09-2012 , 06:28 AM

#40

Cleary89

old hand

Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,364

ex gf, was 18 at the time. she was 16. she use to think something was going on between me and her mum, it was.

massive argument, **** hitting the fan, neighbours would hear for sure. HER - "You know how you thought I was ****ing my ex? Well I was!" ME - "You know how you thought I was ****ing your mum? Well I was!"

Mum denied and threatened legal action against me, found out through mutual friends the mum admitted it to her on her 18th birthday.

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02-09-2012 , 07:07 AM

#41

nismo9

self-banned

Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 4,548

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrOnizuka

The jerk store called, theyre running out of you!

lol

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02-09-2012 , 07:17 AM

#42

goofball

Beat Nate Silver

Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 20,424

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrOnizuka

The jerk store called, theyre running out of you!

What's the difference? You're their all time best seller?

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02-09-2012 , 07:18 AM

#43

samdash

adept

Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 1,196

Someone asked me "if I wanted to 'go' " meaning did I want to fight. I said "go where? Disney Land? you stupid baby..."

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02-09-2012 , 07:29 AM

#44

KPowers

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Originally Posted by Cleary89

Well are you guys still together or what

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02-09-2012 , 07:32 AM

#45

Michael Davis

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Junior year history class, girl who is very, um, liberated is explaining to teacher that she won't be able to do homework this weekend. From across the room I yell, "which corner?" and the teacher busts out laughing.

Not proud of myself for this one.

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02-09-2012 , 07:35 AM

#46

Zaid_Ahmed

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Quote:

Originally Posted by txdome

Worst story in this thread? Or worst story ever?

There are plenty of contenders for worst story itt but this one is a repeat. A goddam repeat.

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02-09-2012 , 07:40 AM

#47

S.K

Toffees >> Jellybeans

Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 9,201

Once, i was smoking a cig and pressed it accidently against my mates arm. Scarred him

Another time, me n gf was doing fryup and splashed oil on her. tssss

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02-09-2012 , 07:51 AM

#48

General Tsao

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Quote:

Originally Posted by KPowers

Well are you guys still together or what

lold

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02-09-2012 , 08:21 AM

#49

DemonDeac

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Quote:

Originally Posted by S.K

Once, i was smoking a cig and pressed it accidently against my mates arm. Scarred him

Another time, me n gf was doing fryup and splashed oil on her. tssss

icwudt