There have been a few posts in this forum and others about addiction, and opiod addictions in general. As far as I know there's never actually been a thread on it. I think OOT is the best place, as I respect the posters here, at least there's the lowest volume of trolls here compared to most forums on 2+2. I have read Greg Merson's thread in HSNL, which is a great thread, but it's not all about opiate addiction specifically. Hopefully this thread can provide good information on dealing with opiate dependance, living with an addiction, quitting, and even how to safely use opiates.

I have been using opiates for many years, and have been completely addicted to them for a few years now. I've never wanted to get clean before. I've always enjoyed them, and thought they bettered my life. For a while I must admit they really did make my life much more enjoyable. Meds I was given for depression, anxiety, and other issues didn't really work. Opiates did 100%. Eventually though, all good things must come to an end, especially when you're dealing with extremely addictive substances. I've built an absolutely INSANE tolerance. My drug of choice is definitely Oxycodone, and I usually snort it. I've never injected anything, and I've never used heroin. Though oxy isn't far off, I just promised myself to never go down that road. I think if I injected heroin I'd never be able to go back. I don't trust myself enough.

My current habit varies a lot. I probably average around 240-320mg a day, and this is after weaning down for the last few weeks. At peak I was doing around 800mg a day.

I will answer any questions anyone has, as long as they don't have to do with my identity or anything that would even come close to giving it up. This is a very personal, secretive thing to me and I'm obviously very embarrassed about it. VERY few people know that I'm addicted to a substance, definitely can count them on my fingers. It's actually crazy how I've been able to hide it for such a ridiculously long time. That's probably another HUGE reason why I became addicted. It is SO easy to function, play poker, etc. even while stoned out of my mind.

I have way too many great things going for me right now to continue to throw my life away with a substance. I am going on a maintenance program (suboxone/methadone) and hope to be completely off of oxy by next week. I will taper down as fast as possible, and hope to be off of everything opiate related within the next six months, hopefully sooner if all goes well. I've already visited the clinic and spoken to councilors. The doctor wasn't in so I'll be going back in a day or two to actually start the program.

Again, this is a very embarrassing thing and I please ask that nobody tries to guess who I am, and that mods keep my identity a secret. If the information got out that I was an addict it could ruin a lot of things in my life, and that's really the last thing I need...especially when I'm going to try and get clean for the first time.

Ask and post away! If this thread can save even one persons life beside mine I will consider it a huge success.

As I said I think it being so easy to hide is a big enabler. I don't "get off" to hiding it from people or anything though if that's what you're asking. It actually makes me feel really horrible, and it's a big reason why I finally decided to quit. I am not a liar, a cheater, or a thief. I value my reputation and my word. I feel horrific hiding it from people and lying about it to people. I've never stolen or harmed anyone to support my addiction though. Luckily I've always been a successful poker player.

Edit: some guy posted above me and then deleted this post. just so people know im not talking to myself, lol. im not that crazy.

Props on the trying to kick! Glglgl

You can do it.

Which opioids have you abused? Seems like Oxy based on your name, what about Fentanyl, Morphine, Dilaudid? IV, IM, insufflation, or just tablets? Ever used ketamine?

Have you ever kicked before? It aint easy.

You might need suboxone for at least a year. GL buddy


<---------In recovery

I've abused pretty much every single opiod in pill form. I've taken morphine, opana (oxymorphone), hydrocodone (pill and syrup), codeine (pill and syrup), dilaudid, methadone, suboxone, and probably some others I'm forgetting. The only one I haven't had was fentanyl, and nobody I knew including probably 15 dealers knew how or where to get it.

I've been sober for a couple weeks before, and I started feeling normal (still super anxious) after a couple weeks physically. Beside that, while I have gone through withdrawals quite a few times, I've never kicked. I know methadone/suboxone treatment will take a long time, but I am 100% confident that I will get clean. I am always extremely realistic about everything in life, and I still think my success rate will be over 90%. When I REALLY want to do something, I do it. When I was sober for the few weeks (and went through the pure hell of withdrawals cold turkey) I simply didn't want to be sober. I really never have until the last month or two. We will see though. I will always update this thread, regardless of how good or bad things are going.

I definitely don't want this thread to be all about me though. I don't mean this to be a blog or anything like that. I'd really like to see other people discuss opiates, whether it be addiction or using them recreationally.

How much does it cost to maintain your current addiction?

how to find opiates in a new town?

I pay anywhere from $.60 to $1 per milligram. Add it up

Where were you getting $480-$800 a day at your peak for your fix?

How are your poops?

.

Literally **** bricks. Definitely one of the least glamorous parts of being an opiate addict.

I give fentanyl every day in the OR (anesthesia). Out of my own morbid curiosity how much would the street value be of say a 20cc vial?

Hey oxy, I'm a drinker, I don't want to stop but I wish I could take it to a lower level. It's not easy. Your prob seems so much worse.

However, I used to do a lot of Opana, I never seemed to get addicted to it luckily.

If you REALLY want to stop you're gonna go through some pain. I hope the best for you and feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Hospitalization is gonna be needed and after that rehab. I'd PM you some places but yours aren't activated yet.

stool softener is your friend lol

how do you get your drugs? Do you try and get prescriptions for some of it, or is it all from a dealer? What are these dealers like? Are they pharmacists or just your average drug dealer (how do they get all their supplies?)

OP,

First of all best of luck to you. Background on myself, which you may already know if you post here frequently:


I was dependent on painkillers for 2 years. Used them frequently for about 5. It started with vicodin that was prescribed to me for an old injury that never healed, eventually I moved on to methadone where I maintained at a pretty steady 10 mg's a day for quite a while, at least a year. I was higher for a little bit, but I was never really able to kick that last few mg's.

Circumstances I'd rather not get into here forced me to finally quit. I decided I couldn't do it cold turkey and ordered some Tramadol online. I was told it wouldn't help with withdrawals, but for me it helped my energy level/pain a bit. Even with the tramadol it was 8 weeks of pure hell. first week was awful, couldn't get out of bed. After that was insomnia, extreme discomfort, restless legs (which I still get from time to time) and no appetite whatsoever.

I ran out of tramadol after 60 days like I had planned, then went off of that. Was much more doable and a softer landing than the methadone was. In fact, I hardly remember what it was like. I was really lucky though. I've heard some methadone withdrawals can last 6 months to a year.


While I was never really a heavy user of opiates, I do know what dependency is like and it's stressful as hell. Knowing you're only about ~12 hours away from being so sick you can't function really wears you down. I can sympathize with your thoughts that opiates help your anxiety and depression, I thought the same thing for a long time. I can tell you this right now though - it's a lie. It doesn't. It numbs you so you don't feel any of those things, true, but it also numbs you from the good **** too. You don't feel ANYTHING. I seriously see those few years as completely lost to me - I was a walking zombie. Even a year later I still struggle with enjoying things like I used to, but I finally have emotions again. Food tastes better. My mood is a lot better (as I'm sure you know, opiates make you really cranky) and my depression has pretty much vanished. My sex drive has returned. I'm more motivated to get things done. I'll be returning to school in the spring. Life is infinitely better without the pills, even though I am still in quite a bit of pain.

I'm telling you all this to encourage you but also to warn you. Methadone and suboxone are very, very tricky drugs. Their half life is ridiculously long, meaning your withdrawal is going to be ridiculously long, and ultimately harder to get off of. I HIGHLY recommend not staying on methadone for longer than 2 weeks. Seriously. You should be well out of the woods by then. Many addicts get on this substance and find they've merely traded one addiction for another, and methadone is not a fun drug to be stuck on. I'm really grateful I was able to get off of it on my own. The sense of accomplishment and pride you'll feel about not being dependent on a substance will way outweigh any positive effects you think you're getting from the drugs.


Best of luck. If you have any questions I will try to answer as best as I can. Do yourself a favor and google "methadone withdrawal" and read some testimonials.

Nice post jmakin

Fwiw I did suboxin recreationally and it was the worst. I went to work the next day and was puking Gatorade all over the place with fever and shakes.

That experience may be the reason I didn't get addicted to Opana, even though I got to the point of doing 2 a day

Good luck kicking this, I'm physiologically dependent on tramadol (which is obviously pretty damn mild comparatively) I don't enjoy even the start of withdrawal on the rare occasions I forget a dose.

Hopefully you have some support for yourself, keep us updated.

Like I said I've never seen the stuff, but I'd imagine you could get quite a bit for it in a lot of places. It obviously depends on supply/demand type stuff. I know the street price of pretty much every single pill based opiod, but since I've never come in contact with this stuff ever I can't tell you. It's so rare that it's rarely even talked about on forums. I have heard of some people using the lollipops and stuff recreationally, and the consensus is it's some ****ing absurdly strong ****. So much stronger than heroin it's scary.

To be honest with you I'm very surprised you didn't become dependent on opiates considering you have addictive tendances. Be glad you didn't, because the only thing worse than being addicted to one thing is being addicted to two. I can't really imagine becoming addicted to another substance. Alcohol might seem like a walk in the park compared to me, but honestly it's far from it. Opiod withdrawal pretty much can't kill you. Alcohol withdrawal CAN. It's on par with benzodiazepine withdrawal in that you can very easily get seisures and die while withdrawing from a heavy alcohol addiction. Be VERY careful with this man.

Thanks. I don't think hospitalization will be necessary. Hopefully a rehab won't be either. I am far from delusional and I've spent more time researching (and actually going through withdrawals) than what is imaginable. I've always been an extremely articulate, well spoken person who takes his time before making every decision. This is a decision I've spent so much time on, as one could imagine. I have considered going the rehab route, and I certainly will consider it again once it's time to get off of the methadone after a taper. I do believe the taper will vastly reduce the withdrawal symptoms.

At my worst, I was at 100mg of Hydrocodone a day (20 Vicodens). It's a tough addiction to beat, that's for sure. But seriously, Methadone is the WORST thing you can take to compensate, unless it is very, very short term.

I did a low dose Fentanyl patch once. I was high for 24-hours. You don't want to mess with that ****.

I've obviously gotten stuff like percocet, vicodin, etc. from doctors for minor injuries. I don't have any physical ailments though, so getting longterm prescriptions from doctors is near impossible and I've never tried it, as I'm sure it would be idiotic and get me put in the system for being a drug seeker. Every time I do have a tooth pulled, or a small injury, etc. I do get percocet pretty much 100% of the time. I consider myself a very intelligent person (some might dispute this considering I'm a junkie and all, lol) and once you become a drug addict it's in your blood to be manipulative. Like I said I've never lied or stolen to get drugs, but I certainly have manipulated people like doctors.

Drug dealers who deal drugs vary so much. I've dealt with everyone from the lowly middle man who makes a small amount per deal (maybe a buck or two per pill), to the person actually getting the script themselves and making insane amounts of profit. I'll actually say compared to weed dealers/regular drug dealers I've dealt with, the opiate pill dealers are very good. They are usually straight up with you, and reasonably kind people.

It's honestly sick to me how much money a pill dealer makes though. There is a TON of risk of course, but it's disgusting. You can fill a script of 120 oxycodone for maybe 50 CENTS per pill (maybe even less with insurance who knows) and turn around and flip those IN BULK at $15-$20 per pill, if we're talking 30mg oxies. That's a 100-200% ROI, lol. Considering how insanely high opiate prices are though, there are people making even more.

They either get their supply from being a CPP (Certified Pain Patient) themselves and just not using the pills more than what they need (which is usually always significantly less than prescribed) and selling the rest. Another way they can get them is just like any other drug. They get them from a source (say buying in bulk from this CPP) and flipping them themselves. This is where you find the roughly $1/mg prices you have nowadays on stuff like the Roxycodone 30mg (blues) that are so popular.

The market is like any other illicit drugs, but IMO even easier to succeed in. They're tiny pills. Each tiny pill is worth up to 100 depending on milligram etc. That's a lot easier to conceal, and a lot more money then say dealing weed or something like that. This brings out both the absolute scummiest people, but also a ton of extremely intelligent people. Of course you have your complete moron (usually a middle man) but honestly most of the people dealing are very intelligent and are running a fairly sophisticated operation. Especially those who are shipping the drugs via the mail, which is becoming insanely popular.

@jmakin and everyone else. Of course I've done an absolutely tremendous amount of research on both methadone and suboxone. I really think they are ****ed up drugs, and in general probably worse than oxycodone in a lot of ways. I still think the regularity of it, and the structure, etc. will make my life much better until I'm really ready to completely kick. I am prepared for what will be pure hell, but I think a fairly aggressive taper will do wonders. A lot of addicts have the problem of getting on methadone/suboxone and staying on for many years without ever tapering off. I don't plan to be on the same dose for more than a couple weeks. Anyway, thanks for the post and I indeed knew most of that information already.