OOT Catch All Dating (or not) & Relationship Thread, You Cry Here Now

[Dids]

Originally Posted by killa

oh just as easy to click select all and not delete the 8 etc but w/e :P

This is a valid point that makes me wrong so I will instead ignore it and accuse you of spending time in the intimate company of livestock.

[tdarko]

Originally Posted by Dids

This is a valid point that makes me wrong so I will instead ignore it and accuse you of spending time in the intimate company of livestock.

[runningmarvel]

Originally Posted by tdarko

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQ6xGMSOu1E

[Hardball47]

Originally Posted by silent411

Please tell me what to do....

Buy a gun.

[HeavyNapa88]

Hey guys, I've been a lurker here for quite a long time now and I figured this would be the best place for me to get some advice. Sorry if this ends up being a long OP. I have trouble voicing all my thoughts without using a lot of words. Anyways... I'm not very experienced with dating. I'm 22 years old and I've only been on a couple dates in my life, I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend. I don't necessarily regret it or feel bad about it though. Part of it was because back in my high school days and the past couple years I was out of shape, had bad skin and very low confidence. I never really had many friends and never talked to girls much.

But now I feel those days are behind me and I'm ready to start fresh. I have some really good friends now who are more outgoing than me and get me out of the house to go out for drinks and to hang out and meet people quite often, which I really enjoy. I'm also in a lot better shape now and my skin is clear. So overall I have a lot more confidence than I used to. I'm at the point now where I'm able to go and dance at a club and enjoy myself and I don't really care I just like to have fun now.

Last week I was at a club and I danced with this one girl for a while and I managed to get her name and number. She also added me on facebook. I'm not trying to be too excited about it yet though because I know I haven't even really talked with her much yet. But this hasn't really happened for me before and this girl is very hot in my opinion so I kind of want to give myself a good chance here. From the time I spent with her in the club, there seemed to be a connection there, but who knows.

Anyways, the other day she sent me a message on facebook saying she would be cool with meeting for coffee or lunch and that she will give me a call this weekend. So I'm expecting to have a lunch "date" with her early next week.

My problem is... I'm not very good at holding a conversation. I tried to read up on the subject and people were saying that the key to just always ask her questions... But I don't really want to come off as like I'm trying to interview her. I just want to enjoy her company and have it be a chill time. Preferably without the awkward silences. Also another problem I've had is on one date I've been on before that managed to get to a 2nd date. I made the mistake of revealing too much about myself on the first date... And asking her a lot about herself... So when that 2nd date came along, I couldn't think of anything to talk about... And neither could she!!!

So yeah that didn't end well and was the last time I saw her... I really don't want that to happen again... So guys can you give me some advice on what to talk about or maybe some example of how to carry a conversation (not just a generic example please). I also thought about researching cool, interesting news stories so that I have a bunch of stuff to talk about. But then i figured that might not work because it depends what she's interested in....

Also any other advice in general about ANYTHING is much appreciated. I have so much inexperience that there is probably a ton of other things that I should know. Thanks guys.

Cliffs:
-22 year old guy still virgin
-never had girlfriend because was fat and no confidence
-now is in good shape and has confidence
-goes out frequently with friends now
-danced with hot chick, got number, first date next week needs advice
-also needs advice for any future problems he may encounter
-HELP???

[thisisgeorge]

Asking questions is the first part of making good conversation, but what you don't hear about is what to do after that. The key to having a good date is relating to the girl, having her relate to you, and feel comfortable around you. Don't just ask a question then move on to the next question -- if her answer is something you're familiar with, share a funny story about a situation that relates to that (i.e. if she runs a lot, tell her about how you wanted to get fit but decided that your cute face was enough to carry you through life without a sixpack). If you draw a blank, ask a followup question that steers the conversation to something you're more familiar with. When you find a topic you are both interested in, that will be enough to keep the conversation going, it's just tough to get through that first opening bit.

Another thing to do is make observations about stuff going on around you. If you see an awkward couple at the coffee shop, make fun of them (not in a way that comes off as douchey). If both of you can laugh about someone, it will make you sort of partners in crime, and you'll be more comfortable around each other.

[madnak]

Learning to date is tough for most people. Sometimes you'll make mistakes, everybody does, but keep at it. It will hurt less over time, especially with a good attitude. A lot of this is "learn by doing," and "learn by watching" also helps. Having some friends who are good with women and watching how they handle themselves can help you start.

Conversation is more about how you say something than what you say (though it's best to avoid spilling personal stuff early). Frankly, I think most people suck at conversation, so you won't be all that far behind.

Try to be happy and relaxed. That's easier said than done, don't worry if you're nervous (perfectly natural), but nudge yourself in that direction if possible. You'll do better in conversation if you're enjoying yourself.

When wondering what to say, it's often best to talk about something in the environment or to talk about something she said. Ask her a question, when she responds make a comment that gives her something to respond to, then she'll give you a comment that you can respond to, and so on. If things get stale, ask a new question or make an observation.

Or just let there be a pause, it's good to be comfortable with small stretches of silence. Often she'll ask you a question or make an observation of her own (and that's good, conversation works best when it's give-and-take).

Eventually, if you "click" with her, you'll both start feeling more comfortable and the conversation will flow more naturally. Be personable, be willing to laugh, and if you can touch her in a natural/relaxed way, do so. It's appropriate to lightly touch her arm once in awhile as you're saying something to her. Also have good eye contact - don't stare, but try to look her in the eyes much of the time. When she's talking, nod to acknowledge what she's saying and make sounds of acknowledgment, and let your comments show that you heard/understood her while also showing that you have a personality/life of your own.

[unggio]

watch hank moody on the TV show Californication, seriously

[thisisintense]

feel comfortable and she'll feel comfortable (this is the tough part that takes a while imo. learn meditation, learn to breathe and how to handle yourself in the moment. learn to stop overthinking everything. it's all Dikshit anyway. don't second guess what you're going to say. ever. if you say something that feels wrong, then you'll learn it internally and you won't say it next time. hesitation is a mood killer though and she'll sniff it out.) sometimes when conversations die down, you can ask a question to jump start it. recall is cool too and can show her that you're listening. have a inside joke that goes on throughout the night. for example, date tonight told me she got kicked out of a bar, i made references to her being an angry drunk throughout the night.

honestly though, get internal issues worked out first. feel relaxed everyday and it'll expand to your social life as well. i used to be extremely introvert in social situations but i've learned to just relax now and talk whatever comes to mind. of course, there are social cues as to when to talk and what to talk about but you can't pick those up unless you relax first, observe, and understand. then you can find patterns in conversations.

i think awkward silences are awesome because it's time to display how comfortable you are in silences. being relaxed in these situations shows her that you're confident. don't get into a mindset where you're trying to get out of the awkward conversation, that'll make it worse. instead, accept that everyone has comfortable silences and KNOW that the conversation is going to pick up again sometime. if you keep fretting about the awkward silence, she'll notice this too. but again, it's not bad to ask a question to jump start the conversation again.

[O Fenômeno]

sick neg hit, br0!

[thisisintense]

oh also, don't forget to stack DHVs with some AMOG splashed in there and kino neuroscience mystery palm reading

[PowerP]

Don't take her to get coffee, meet for a drink, alcohol will make you both relax.

[Henry17]

Originally Posted by PowerP

Don't take her to get coffee, meet for a drink, alcohol will make you both relax.

+1 Never take a date to coffee.

[ToTheInternet]

Originally Posted by Hardball47

Buy a gun.

But how will we hide it if it's used in a murder!

[Xkf]

Originally Posted by Henry17

+1 Never take a date to coffee.

Can you expand on this theory? I find coffee makes me appear funnier, more talkative, and (much) smarter than alcohol, which (in my mind) is more attractive, though I dont know about hers.