OOT Catch All Dating (or not) & Relationship Thread, You Cry Here Now

[dalerobk2]

Everything is on a continuum also. I'm not religious at all. I wouldn't want a partner who was a fanatic, but someone who went to church on the big religious holidays would probably be OK as long as she didn't feel the need to convert me.

I'm very moderate politically, but just to the left of center. I would be OK with a woman who was right of center but not a Sarah Palin supporter.

[thac]

Originally Posted by coonsew

Background on me is I'm a 24 yr old working blue collar job make 34k a year. Now her. She is a 23 year old recent grad of graduate school.
So I've known this girl for about 10 years through school and was good friends at one point and actually hooked her up with a guy who she ended up dating the past 6 years until about a 6 months ago he cheated and left her for his boss at target lol. Anyway we kinda lost contact but I heard she was single and we always kinda had a thing anyway so I hit her up we got drinks then hung out a couple days later and sealed the deal. This webt on for about months and she was staying at my house roughly every other night. At one point early on we talked about where it was going and she said she didn't want a relationship ( with me I
presume ) I said ok but we were were still hooking up every other day and she always slept over and would sometimes not go home on the weekend at all. We were going to dinners talking and texting all day all the time and she was making purchases for my new apt like DVDs and stuff. All was well and we were treating it like bf gf like laying down watching movies and ****. Then randomly she texted me saying she doesn't want to so this anymore because I want more than she does. I was completely hammered and basically said f u the"n. Why the hell do you sleep at my place ecerytime we hang out even when you are ragging/ why are you even coming over in your rag if you just want to hook up you slut? You were the one who bought a fn
30 dollar season of its always sunny to watch at my ****ty new apartment and talked me into getting this
****ing cat!! " ok now seriously did I totally overlook the situation going on or is this girl completely fd up from her last relationship or something? I kinda think it was a social status thing. O and she's best friends with my cousins girl and went over their house the night she ended it and they asked we I was at she told them we
"broke up". Like da fuqqq? She tells me we are just basically fwb but acts like my girlfriend and tells my cousin we broke up.

So, you weren't dating, and she told you that you would never date... then you got a cat with her? And you're wondering how you handled it badly?

[ToTheInternet]

Originally Posted by Cotton Hill

This is the internet, have you ever seen someone take a hardline stance one way and then actually later be convinced of something else and change their mind?

Originally Posted by Paul Openfold

Point conceded. I'll stfu now

[bisonbison]

Originally Posted by coonsew

Background on me is I'm a 24 yr old working blue collar job make 34k a year. Now her. She is a 23 year old recent grad of graduate school.
So I've known this girl for about 10 years through school and was good friends at one point and actually hooked her up with a guy who she ended up dating the past 6 years until about a 6 months ago he cheated and left her for his boss at target lol. Anyway we kinda lost contact but I heard she was single and we always kinda had a thing anyway so I hit her up we got drinks then hung out a couple days later and sealed the deal. This webt on for about months and she was staying at my house roughly every other night. At one point early on we talked about where it was going and she said she didn't want a relationship ( with me I
presume ) I said ok but we were were still hooking up every other day and she always slept over and would sometimes not go home on the weekend at all. We were going to dinners talking and texting all day all the time and she was making purchases for my new apt like DVDs and stuff. All was well and we were treating it like bf gf like laying down watching movies and ****. Then randomly she texted me saying she doesn't want to so this anymore because I want more than she does. I was completely hammered and basically said f u the"n. Why the hell do you sleep at my place ecerytime we hang out even when you are ragging/ why are you even coming over in your rag if you just want to hook up you slut? You were the one who bought a fn
30 dollar season of its always sunny to watch at my ****ty new apartment and talked me into getting this
****ing cat!! " ok now seriously did I totally overlook the situation going on or is this girl completely fd up from her last relationship or something? I kinda think it was a social status thing. O and she's best friends with my cousins girl and went over their house the night she ended it and they asked we I was at she told them we
"broke up". Like da fuqqq? She tells me we are just basically fwb but acts like my girlfriend and tells my cousin we broke up.

Honest women are confusing.

[Eeyorefora]

Originally Posted by bisonbison

Honest women are confusing.

All he was is the rebound guy.
Girl in a long relationship is not usually wanting another right away.
In this instance he should know what the deal is.
He should have agreed to whatever she said and take the occasional booty call.

[DcifrThs]

Originally Posted by bisonbison

Honest women are confusing.

quite a few responses in this thread saying this.

now turn it around. the GUY is the one who said he doesn't want anything serious but then stays at her place, comes over to just watch movies, goes to dinner, talks/texts all day/every day.

what would all your responses be to him? guaranteed most would have said he's being a dick and even though words say "not serious" actions > words and he's stringing her along.

[SGT RJ]

I had a guy who was clearly getting too serious after I told him upfront I was only looking for something casual (had just gotten out of a serious relationship with a bad ending). The difference is, I ended it the instant it was obvious he was looking for a girlfriend and was far too clingy/attached for casual to work.

I think both people handled this badly. You should have taken her at her word that she didn't want anything serious (you got a pet with her? WTF?), but she sent some mixed signals. Most people would interpret someone doing typical bf/gf stuff (not just sex, but hanging out, helping with a new apartment) as a sign that they were open to something more developing. I agree with the other poster that said she did/does like you, but she just can't handle anything more right now, so her words and her actions didn't sync up. Sorry you felt used by the situation, but next time you get with a girl who just got out of a six year relationship, take her at her word that she can't handle another boyfriend right now and enjoy the sex without getting a pet.

[bisonbison]

Originally Posted by DcifrThs

quite a few responses in this thread saying this.

now turn it around. the GUY is the one who said he doesn't want anything serious but then stays at her place, comes over to just watch movies, goes to dinner, talks/texts all day/every day.

what would all your responses be to him? guaranteed most would have said he's being a dick and even though words say "not serious" actions > words and he's stringing her along.

All of my responses to the actual thing that happened:
"of course you're upset."
"still, she told you the truth."
"it must have been scary to try to ask her why she was letting you stick it in."
"yeah, it's a dick move."
"I'm so sorry, man."
"when someone's words and actions are so far out of whack, it is not a sign that you are secretly getting an amazing deal."

[sharpyetblunt]

So this girl on okc is apprehensive about meeting someone off there. I mean i understand her fears but what the hell am i meant to say in this situation? I obv want to tell her to man up and just meet for a drink and that im not a rapist but cant. I dont want this to turn into a situation where she invites a friend or something equally horrific.

Is this a case of if she really wants to meet up she will whatever i say or should i just accept she'll probably flake and move on to someone else?

[DrewOnTilt]

^ Interested in hearing what others have to say about that as well. In the times that I've used dating sites, I've encountered similar things on occasion. Usually I politely make it clear that I am on there to meet women, not to make chat buddies, and that I want to meet up. If she is still unsure about it then I just move on. I don't know if that's the best play but I don't like wasting my time.

[34TheTruth34]

i would guess that the problem is most likely that you havent built enough comfort yet. make sure youve talked on the phone at least once and/or done some texting before you ask her out.

if you just send a few messages back and forth on the website and then youre like "hey lets meet tuesday for drinks" theyre likely to agree at the time and then flake later. for me i like to just be funny, witty, interesting enough that the girl pretty much just asks me out. also probably want to talk to her for a phone conversation for at least 10 minutes.

in guy logic its like 'hey, im looking to meet someone, youre looking to meet someone, so lets just meetup real quick for a drink and see if we like each other'. women arent really like that though. at this point theres really no social stigma in meeting a significant other online (or, at the very least, a LOT less than there used to be like 5 years ago), so there shouldnt be an issue there, so its most likely just going to be an issue of how comfortable she is with you.

[Deldar182]

Originally Posted by sharpyetblunt

So this girl on okc is apprehensive about meeting someone off there. I mean i understand her fears but what the hell am i meant to say in this situation? I obv want to tell her to man up and just meet for a drink and that im not a rapist but cant. I dont want this to turn into a situation where she invites a friend or something equally horrific.

Whatever you do, don't do this. Do not try and use logic here.

Originally Posted by 34TheTruth34

i would guess that the problem is most likely that you havent built enough comfort yet. make sure youve talked on the phone at least once and/or done some texting before you ask her out.

the answer

[Fossilkid93]

I tried online dating b/c I moved to New Zealand and knew no one, and it was super easy, I'd send 2-3 messages, they'd send 2-3, and by then one of us would ask to meet up, and we did. Never had a single girl flake on a date out of 12, didn't even need to talk to any of them on the phone, and any texts were just to confirm plans.

Since I moved back to the USA I started online dating for the first time here and have realized that American girls seem to be less trusting in general (maybe for good reason). I think the best course of action would be to send something like "I understand that online dating is a bit different for girls, there are extra security concerns and whatnot, so we can just meet for a drink or two as friends and if either of us feels uncomfortable, we can leave at any time".

I think the "let's just meet as friends, no expectations" line can put those with cold feet at ease, obviously only use it as a last ditch when a girl is really hesitant to meet. Once on the date, you can proceed normally b/c the girl will forget you're just meeting "as friends" once she knows you're normal and is into you.

[vinivici9586]

Originally Posted by philanderer

hi guys just looking for some opinions on this situation i have

im pretty well established with women, i have slept with roughly 50 or so women in my 3 years of college so far. this situation is related to a girl in my social circle

i first met her through mutual friends and after a few meetings at college house parties/nights out etc we got to know each other. there was some flirting going on at this stage from what i remember (i think?). anyways one night when we all got back from town after a nite out drinking she was off sleeping with some other guy in his house and i ended up going back to her house for an after session and ended up having sex with one of her friends in her bed while she was gone!!

the next morning she found out and i thought she was gonna be angry with me but she saw the funny side and took it well!! anyways that whole experience seemed to being us closer and we started texting alot to meet up (although mostly this mostly in social gatherings with mutual friends). i ramped up the flirting at this stage to hopefully get a hook up on. she always said 'you are such a manwhore ha' which is a good sign. eventually one night after a night out we ended back up on one of buddies couches and she wanted me to sleep with her on it so i spooned her and then decided to make my move. she got quite agitated and stated that we are just friends and ''WTF and i doing?''. it left me a bit perplexed at where it was i ****ed up and friend zoned myself

anyways for a month after this incident we kinda avoided each other. she must have felt really awkward. i didnt feel dat awkward to be honest as i wud have chanced my arm with any girl i found attractive in that situation ha. anyways eventually we broke the ice again and she invited me to a house party at my friends house. we all got drunk and me and her had a conversation, she said how cool i was and how much she missed me and said that we were just friends and all. i said thats fine. however bout 20 mins after she said all this she started asking me to french kiss her in the middle of the party in front of everyone multiple times, which i did whilst very confused. we went to a nightclub and i ended up screwing sme random girl and she screwed some guy she was with before.

since then we have done the very same thing over and over again. declaring to each other that we are just friends but then kissing each other when we get drunk. one night she sat down beside me and put her thigh over mine and started saying that 'we are definately going to end up having sex, maybe even tonight'. it didnt happen that night because we got seperated.

i keep getting these mixed signals and im kinda pussy to be completely honest with her after the effect me making a sexual move had on her last time. the last night of college this semester we were again at a house party and she walked up to with the most dilated pupils i have ever seen and we began kissing up against the wall making out heavy. everyone else left the room because it was so intense we were making them awkward ha. however after like 3 mins of this she got weirded out and just left and got in a taxi for the nightclub without saying anything. that night we both ended up having sex with different people again.

anyways that was last time i saw her which was 2 months ago, we have talked abit via text since then not really mentioning that whole thing just making friend talk. we are back in college in september i need a gameplan to bed this girl. im not completely blinded by this girl, i am still seeing other women but i really like this girl she is the only one to hold my interest this much in a long long time

let me know your thoughts

it's in the bag

[Eeyorefora]

Originally Posted by vinivici9586

it's in the bag

No,she just is his drunk lover.
She only wants him when she is hammered. And maybe not even then.
I've had several. They won't do anything with you till they are drunk and desperate.
Its cool for randoms but sucks if you catch feelings,which it sounds like he is starting to get.