J,
She's not even thinking about her daughter so all that stuff is ok.

Her not thinking of her daughter is why I would be motivated to keep giving advice. But she clearly doesn't care enough. Her daughter's a high priority, but about #3 on the list behind code and poker.

5-14-17:


On 5-31-17:


On 6-15-17:


so, I was off by one day. sue me.

And in a month, they'll be back together "working things out."

Surely you can see how insane this is, right M? It's literally the same thing every time and you seem oblivious to that fact.

Also I am no longer giving code 0 culpability here. FFS think of the daughter dude.

What does code3 and I coming to a mutal agreement that we won't continue the relationship have to do with me having positive things in my life. Ive still got a lot going on and wonderful people in my life and I'm still going to focus on the positives. Yeah, we held on too long and he and myself didn't or couldn't see that our relationship would not be forever. He didn't want to admit or he didn't realize that he didn't want a partner or family and I couldn't accept it. We are moving forward and my life is still good. Nothing I write in my blog is romantized; that is my life.....you should be asking yourself why that bothers you so much.

Where does your daughter fit into all of that?

M, do you know what romanticized means? I don't understand why you object so strongly to that term at the same time that you admit the whole point of the blog is to focus only on the positives and ignore the negatives.

You also said a couple weeks ago that you didn't see any problem with focusing only on the positives, to which I brought up that you were blinding yourself to the obvious issues in your relationship with Code. Now you act like what happened with him was a huge surprise, except it wasn't to anyone but you. You've admitted repeatedly to living in a fantasy world, which is not a healthy thing. You're still doing it with this fantasy of a FWB relationship with Code that everyone but you can see is going to end badly. The sooner you face reality instead of letting your actions be guided by wishful thinking, the sooner you'll actually break out of this rut you're in and have a chance of finding real happiness.

This all makes me wonder what CRAZY, WACKJOB, COKEHEAD ex is really like because code basically said the other day MLY's stories about him are pretty much pure fables.

He's probably a good dude that just got away from his crazy ex and loves his daughter. Seems to be spending a lot of time with her anyway, as does his family.

But then I immediately stop wondering because MLY.

I'm going to be blunt here, MLY, and tell you that your entire relationship with code3 can be replaced with 2 Duracell AA batteries. So much less drama.

the ill-fabled ex doesn't pay child support

It's not actually about the sex, it's all about her feeling wanted/needed/whatever.

27, you should try to get in on this weight—loss bet that MLY and Thremp are putting together.

You know that and I know that, but until she knows that, I am responding to her comments as if she is being honest. She wants to think it's all about the sex, well there are lots of ways to be happy in this area without all the drama.

She has sadly already set herself up to fail by stating that she intends to move on when she gets stable enough. What a great way to sabotage your therapy.

This.


At this point, seems prettttty likely that in reality ex is a much better parent (and better person) than MLY

MLY,

1. If your "relationship" with Code is going to be just about "having fun," are you still going to block off whole weekends to drive both ways to see him instead of spending the same time with your family or in positive activities? Seems pretty ridiculous to me, but YOLO? I mean you could get all that time back to hang out with your daughter and sister, and swim and hike and lift and cook and generally live life. But on the other hand I guess you have the opportunity to drive a few hours, not get your errands or chores done, to spend time with a guy who wouldn't drive a car you bought for him to see you in your home. Like I said, YOLO.

2. Any thoughts on how any of this is going to play out for the good of your daughter? Are you going to continue to bring her to see him? This sort of thing was a MAJOR concern of yours just a couple months ago. Are you still going to try to sell the concept that she's too young to have any of this have an impact on her, or are you going to resell the entirely contradictory message you had that that was that your daughter knew exactly what was going on? Is she now just so super mature that you're going to say that you'll just explain to her that it's a sex-only relationship with no future and she understands such things?

I would agree re the ex- except I am loath to dismiss her account of him being abusive just because her she unintentionally misrepresents the situation with Code.

Citinal,
It just depends on whether MLY explains it on a day that her daughter has the maturity of a 30 year old, or on a day she has the maturity and memory of an ant.

So is this daughter in any activities? I mean other than walking the strip at an early age. Tee ball, dance, gymnastics?

gregorio - which is more likely?

Ex is physically abusive and none of MLY, MLY's family nor Code does anything about it?
Or Ex is a fairly normal dude who was lucky enough to escape his bat**** crazy ex-wife, and MLY demonizes him for us in her fantasy world?

Obv could be somewhere in between, but if you had to pick one...

Tball at least.

cs3, lots of women are in abusive relationships and nobody does anything to the perpetrator. Do you expect Code to show up at the doorstep of her gun-owning ex and beat him up? I don't think MLY has gone into details about the nature of the abuse, and even though she's shared a little bit of personal info here, that's really none of our business. I'm happy to take her at her word on this and move on.

You're right, let's move on!

You forgot the #1 priority - herself. Her daughter isn't even in the top 5.



Probably because jmakin cares more about your daughter and her well-being than you do.



While we all experience different versions of reality, her version is a few more standard deviations from the rest of us. That doesn't mean her account isn't true, but it does mean we need to take it with more than a few grains of salt. She is more prone to ending up in an abusive relationship than the average person. She is also more prone to mis-characterizing aspects of her relationships than the average person.

Nothing wrong with giving her the benefit of the doubt here as long as evidence isn't ignored.

M,


Code has known and told you for a long time that he doesn't want that with you and that your relationship was never leading to marriage/forever. Sure, he might have made up some bull**** excuses now and then so you would keep driving him to poker and ****ing him, but deep down even you knew they were just excuses.

What you need to accept at some point is that it's not that code doesn't necessarily want that stuff. He just doesn't want that stuff with you.

That's why your latest plan will fail like all versions of your relationship with code always do. Because you want and need him a lot more than he wants or needs you.