A single person can also know if it's juicy enough but 2 or more doesn't count.

1) I've been into handjob porn forever, though lately Japanese handjob porn has been most desirable.

2) At 16 I bought a bunch of paint and completely thrashed my girlfriends house with it. I thought she had cheated on me (turns out she didn't, oops) so I threw IDK like 15 gallons worth of red and black paint all over her parents' house. I then panicked and used the rest on their neighbors' house down the street and drew "Random Axe of Violence" in black paint on both homes because I thought it was clever and the neighbors' house being trashed would make me not a suspect.

3) I went to a whore house while I was in Cambodia with my brother, deal was massage then sex. Was 22 years old. I picked the girl I wanted then after my massage she started singing a sad song in her native tongue that killed the mood while she undressed me. Regardless we got to it and when I finished & pulled out I saw that the condom had broken. She clearly tried to feign content while sticking her hand out and saying "Tip?" but I freaked out and left. I never went back and discovered a short while later that I had genital warts. Had the warts removed by an attractive female doctor a few months later and got erect while she was inspecting me which was awkward to say the least. The warts were removed from my shaft and never returned, thank God.

4) I smoked way, way too much in college and was very much en route to drug addiction and heavier substances. Met my current wife as I was starting up with coke and made a decision to cold turkey because I knew she wouldn't be down with my lifestyle. Ended up working out and shortly after we got serious we moved away from California & the guy I used with mostly & all of his connections. I learned 18 months later that he had OD'ed and died and was grateful he died because I knew his life was headed no where and would likely have ended much much worse. Feel guilty about being glad he died.

Fun fact: His name was Justin but he went by "Tiggles" or "Tigs" for short, was fat and ugly. He got the name because in 4th grade he was running the bases while playing kick ball and his man / boy tits jiggled a lot while running. Tigs + jiggle = Tiggles and the name stuck to the point that he just introduced himself as "Tigs" to new people instead of Justin. Always thought that was sad and pathetic but he didn't think twice about it. Funniest guy I've ever known and I'm sure I'll never know anyone wittier, which is crazy given how ****ed up he was all the time.

I just read that whole OP.

No offense, but you sound like a terrible person

TBF though most things that only you know are that way for a reason...

Compared to his shoplifting wife, he's okay.

I see great things ahead in this thread.

None of us are angels.

i stole some baseball cards from the grocery store once

I bet those Cambodian whores wear too much khmer rouge.

Anything only I know about or one other person knows is definitely staying that way.

I ate cereal without milk once

OP sounds hella fun. Solid post

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Smart play; no self-respecting shoplifter wants to hook up with an addle-brained coke addict.

I got fired from a local car dealership about 3 years ago when I moved to Vegas. When I went to "clean out my locker" I grabbed my boss' keys off of the hook in the back where he would leave them. Since my car was in the back of the dealership, I threw his keys on the roof of the building next to ours. Car, house, safe, office keys, picture of the kid and all.

I lost zero seconds of sleep over it.

I gave an infraction.

Seriously ballsy OP.

I would never post anything like that in here, as I'm sure if anybody ever wanted I wouldn't be too hard to track down, but none of the stories sound too extreme to me (with respect to the top 5 things you haven't told people). I'd say they are less considerably crazy than average tbh.

I pissed off the top of an apartment building. I was 20 at the time.

About 10 seconds after doing so, I heard this convo snippet:

"What the **** was that?"
"Man it smells like piss."
"Dude did somebody piss on your head?"

I ran back into the apartment building and into my flat. The next day, I overheard a guy who lived three doors down from my flat talking to somebody about how his friend got pissed on by somebody in the building.

I hit a homeless man with my car and then drove off. I looked in the paper for the next couple days to see if there were any deaths, but there was nothing. I cleaned all the evidence off the car and took it to a shady repair place because I was too afraid to go through my insurance cuz I didn't want there to be a record of it or have to think of a good explanation for it. It cost $3000 to get it fixed. I didn't have enough so I stole a bunch of tools from the back of my ex gf's dads truck and pawned them.

I fully expected the story to end with finding the homeless guy stuck in the grille several days later.

OP sounds exactly like the kind of dips-hit I've successfully avoided my entire adult life.

Amen...

Is Alobar out of the slammer for good this time???

"all the evidence"
"$3000 to get it fixed"

....yeah you probably killed the homie

he should probably turn himself into the authorities

That's why he's been in jail for the last 6 months.

Alobar!