I thought Facebook was the easiest route.
Then the state CSN network.


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Yea, I mean, who knows how it actually works, but you could make the argument that people that swipe right on everyone are undesirable for a few different reasons. Especially if you subscribe to the idea that not everyone can be compatible with everyone.

I swipe right on everyone cause I'm lazy and the idea of being picky and getting exactly zero matches is ****ing terrifying. But I'll start over and be picky and see if anything changes.

I swipe right on most of the profiles, because most women are attractive enough in the face that I would consider dating them. I'm pickier about other things, but you don't find out that stuff from initial views on swiping, and only rarely from the short Tinder or Bumble profiles. I just joined both about 6 weeks ago and have been very frustrated with them though; they seem almost useless to me. Maybe to young people who care mostly about physical appearance and can get along with most other young attractive people these apps are more worthwhile. When you get older you care less about looks, but you are less likely to find any random person who looks good to be a suitable match.

I assumed they just show you everyone in a random order and if you both swipe right on each other, they let you know. Even if the order isn't random it shouldn't matter on my end, as I often run out of local matches on both Tinder and Bumble. If there are a lot more men on the system and women don't spend as much time swiping, I guess they could bias which men get shown to women first though.

I had the following exchange with a gal I've been friendly with awhile:


Do you think you've ever dated anyone who was truly committed to building a family and life together? If not, what would you say to dating someone who wanted to?

No I don't believe I have. That is definitely what I'm looking for... but I believe in soul mates. I'm just being patient for him to come when I'm ready


What is the optimal response?

She's 26 and a single mom

If by "been friendly with awhile" means you know her in person, I'd say that means you're not her "soul mate".

Yea, but we haven't seen each other in person for awhile. She expressed interest before, but I was apathetic

Wait, the question is from a guy? I immediately thought the girl was asking you.

He's homeless, so he's probably in it for the shelter.

Yes I asked her

Optimal response to someone willing to wait for a 'soul mate'?

"Good luck"

With regards to swipe habits, about a week ago I paid the 10 bucks to have unlimiting swipes and to try out a new, more time efficient strat. Put on some music or something and swipe right endlessly for like 10 minutes not even looking at profiles. Next, wait for the matches to come in and narrow down from there. I did the boost thing once too and in one instance came back to 60 matches. But 80% of them are to me immediate no's, which makes me feel kind of bad because I have to unmatch to avoid clutter and so they don't message me (I know rare, but still) when I have no intention of responding.

This basically takes no effort and gets results, but there aren't too many of the matches I actually like. So I don't know where some of you are getting these hypotheses about the algorithm. I mean you can guess, but this Sounds like a bit too certain of a claim without having a source to back it up.

Am I a douche to match with a fair number of people but then unmatch when I don't actually find them attractive or blatantly have some other redeeming quality?

I also have a story to share that came out of this from this past weekend and I found it to be a good learning experience, but has also turned me off from spending time on these apps and pursuing people. I'd like to expand on it at some point for my own benefit and also to see if anyone else has had similar thoughts or experiences.

Sick life bro.

Seriously not trying to lolbrag
When you've only met 1 person from it recently, doesn't really mean much.

My understanding is what they're looking for is right swiping at bot speed.

neemahb,

https://www.swipehelper.com/2016/11/...der-algorithm/

http://www.thetinderbook.com/tinder-algorithm-hack/

Lol you win. I've had the "check back later" message multiple times. I did think I was getting a thumb workout...

That said I'm still getting plenty of matches (30 in past 2 days or so) but they're all pretty not exciting so maybe they're only showing me to a select subset of undesirable people. Or I attract undesirables! Crazy to think how much that small amount of text in your profile can influence the impression someone will have of you, or even the collection of people who will or won't even consider you.

That bio section can show such a wide variety of possible personality features you or I might have, such that it's a total crapshoot if someone happens to find the certain aspects represented there interesting, or a turn off, or neither.

The pictures are one thing, and a basic filtering mechanism, but the bio filters in a completely other way, and I find it hard to feel good about what it is portraying because there simply isn't enough room for detail, and that medium is too static to allow for any kind of accurate representation. It's really not possible to know someone or understand what they're like without talking to them for a while over text, but even more, meeting them in person. It's what makes online dating so limiting, but it also adds a layer of excitement I think (for some people at least), because a lot of the "fun" is in unraveling the mystery of who that person is, and of deciding if they are someone you'd like to spend time with, and on how regular a basis.

That the limited info allowed on this type of app can lead to someone becoming so integrated in our lives is kind of incredible. At the same time, those grand outcomes are shared by equally desirable to some, but maybe ultimately less impactful, casual in-person interactions. Like meeting up with someone one night and doing your thing and then getting on with your life, and maybe never seeing that person again.

I have a like-dislike relationship with Tinder. Two years ago I met who would become my girlfriend for a year, and it was the first relationship where I really got to know someone, and they got to know all parts of me. Since then I've used it sparingly but without any real seriousness. I mean, it was never serious in the first place, but the timing was such that I became enamored with that one person. Ideally now I'd be able to find people that really interest me and who I can learn from and be excited to spend time with, and maybe even have a little fun. I'm still hanging on to the idea of that someone who became my companion for so long. I think I'm still hanging onto the idea of them being in my life. It makes it so now I'm not even sure what it is I'm looking for. I was lucky that I found something at the time that was incredible, and it came to me without much effort. The hard part now is having to seek that out myself without much of a roadmap.

About what you said re soulmates, I believe in them as well. But I feel many take an idealistic rather than practical approach to finding a soulmate.

If there's a guy who's loving, caring, wants to travel, explore, and build a family what would you say to giving him a chance?



I would have to be interested and have chemistry and connection with him

Damnit, so I made a new Tinder profile to selectively swipe right and see if it makes any difference compared to when I was only swiping right, and I got a match an hour later only to find out it was a girl who I wasn't interested in who had slipped through the cracks.

At least the conversation is off to an incredible start:



Incidentally, I've been swiping right on about 40% of profiles even though I'm being pretty selective (6s or 7s minimum). Either the Tinder population is way hotter than the general population (seems almost certain), or my city is hot (likely).

All Tindr has done is make it even better to just go to the grocery store, make eye contact with women and the ones that don't look away right away say hello to.
"I am in a hurry, I would love to get to know you, what is your number?".

If you do that one time and you are not a 9 or 10 yourself you won't waste all this time with swiping.

Online dating is for 8+ guys to randomly **** all the women 5+ on the site while all the guys below fight over the attention of the 1-4s that the male 8+ don't have time to get to.

No matter what you are though it is not possible to make an app or site as good as the grocery store. I think the single women know that the married guys and guys in mom's basement are somewhat filtered out so are more receptive to getting hit on in the grocery store. Like a Cialdini Pre-Suasion type thing going on.

amazin,

Are you just having a conversation with this person, or looking for a date? Without more context I can't see why anyone (including her) would think this was a flirtation.

Further, what outcome are you looking for here? Like, are you just looking to go on a date, or a more significant relationship? Shouldn't you have some concern around the person being a 26 year old single mom, meaning she has a kid, even though she has never met someone who she was looking to build a family and be committed with? I mean it's possible that that is a set of attributes that a rational person could have (decided they wanted a kid and to raise it themselves and in some way had that discussion with the dad), but most likely not.

If what you're saying here is that you've decided your conversation is (lololol) flirtation, she's being very straightforward that she's not interested in you.

I wouldn't call it flirtation, more so attempting to gauge interest.

Haha, the last woman I dated had 4 kids by two different men, so this should be a piece of cake. Anyway, I know her sons dad is a deadbeat for refuses to spend time with or financially support him. Given the derogatory manner in which she speaks of him, I assume that she wasn't expecting him to be that sort of parent.

Ideas for second date? First was brunch

Movie.

Bad first but fine second IMO, especially if you're hitting it off in txt and person.

If you can go see Big Sick. Great date movie imo.

Movie is a bad idea unless you've already had physical contact.