(cliffs at bottom)

Premise of situation: Friend getting married in 2 weeks. I am a groomsman, but I am NOT the best man. However, the best man is his 17-year-old little brother, so I'm taking the helm on a bachelor's party at this point.

Facts and problems:

-Friend and pretty much the entire bridal party comes from a very prude Christian upbringing. Those who know me know I do not throw the word prude around lightly.
Ex: friend's parents told him they wouldn't come to his own wedding if they serve alcohol (lololol as if I'm not bringing enough booze in flasks to serve the entire reception myself)
-Friend does drink, but as recently as last year (we're in our mid-20s) was terrified of his parents knowing he drank to excess. lulz. But he'd still drink to excess on his b party night for sure.
-Strip clubs are probably out given the circumstances. Plus we are in the middle of ****ing no where conservative PA for the wedding, so I'm pretty sure there are none in the area anyways.
-As a result of the above, there's only ****ty bars around. There's a decent bar scene downtown, but it still sucks compared to any major city area.
-His brother and best man is 17. This is a big problem.

The early feeling was this: we could do some sort of "combo event." Something earlier in the day his brother can participate in, and then something later in the evening for the big boys. Of all the groomsman, I am by far probably the "wildest" and the only one who partied all through college. The rest of them came from strict upbringings and went to small, very strict Christian colleges (their colleges didn't allow dancing). I'm pretty much on an island here when it comes to planning anything, so I turn to 2+2 for help. I've never done this before.

I texted the groom and said: "i need a totally honest evaluation of how wild of a b party you want."
Reply was: "You know me pretty well... nothing too crazy probably I don't want to end up in jail or anything. I'd be fine just hanging out, but it's up to you."
to which I replied: "I'm taking 'it's up to you' as carte blanch as long as I don't get you thrown in jail."
He never rejected that statement, so I'll take it as his tacit approval.

The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are both (obv) the night before the wedding, so I'm evaluating the possibility of having the b party 2 days before the wedding. Is that ok? Or is it an unwritten rule that they must be the night before?

Help me please this is an impossible situation. I don't want this **** to be lame. I've got 2 weeks, most of which I'll be in Vegas so everything I do will have to be done remotely by phone, but I think I can pull it off.

btw if I bink a WSOP bracelet while I'm in Vegas all bets are off and I'm renting out a warehouse or some **** and throwing a massive blowout for him, but that's not going to happen.

cliffs:

-proxy planning bachelor's party for groom cause best man is <18
-everyone is super prude (and for me to say that that means a lot)
-dunno what to do
-dont want it to suck
-****ing need a line

damn this party is gonna suck

i know yeti i thought that statement alone would convey the gravity of the situation im facing here.

tbh if he wanted strip clubs and insanity, i'd provide it for him because that's what a good groomsman would do. while he hasn't explicitly ruled that out, i'm going to assume it's probably not a good idea and could result in disaster. plus, like i said, i wouldnt even know where the **** to find one around here anyways.

Rent a nice big hotel suite, with good food/movies/fun stuff for little bro and friend and other nancy boys. Bust out the booze/hired stripper later on. Seems easy enough to me. Has the advantage of being in a controlled environment where you can set some parameters on how wild the girl gets, etc.

paintball

bowling

something like that, although ive never been paintballing but itd be my first choice for this.

ATAT's suggestion ain't bad actually.

paintball
dinner
suite

could be ok

oooh paintballing is a sick suggestion never even considered that. A+. hotel suite good too.

as for the stripper: tbh it's tempting but ill prob stay away. it's not something i'd be super interested for my b party personally, but i wouldnt freak out or anything if it happened i'd just laugh and enjoy it. however, if that were to happen here it's quite likely everyone gets super quiet and awkward and there's a bunch of near drama bombs and the groom and bride's entire family finds out and im painted as an instrument of the devil in their minds for the rest of my life.

im honestly not exaggerating at all.

Some guys I know had a similar situation and went to a baseball game together and then did other stuff later (for the appropriate members).

I like the paintball idea, too. That woudl be pretty fun. Especially if a couple of you drank before playing.

Rent a projector and have a screening of this film:

what about the timing of it? would be so much easier to hold it 2 days before. is this socially acceptable or MUST it be the evening prior?

I'm going to assume that most of OOT believes you. I think we all know people or have, at the very least, seen television shows to know that you're probably not exaggerating.

Almost every bachelor party I've been to or heard about has been several weeks before the wedding. I think the idea of having the bachelor party the night before the wedding is something conjured up by tv and movie writers for comedic/dramatic purposes.

lol ya. one of the groom's parents once approached my mother with concern that i maybe had a gambling problem in college cause she heard i play poker on the internets for thousands of dollars. my mom juts kind of laughed because she had no idea what else to say (my mother ldo knew all about my online pokering)

holla. i figured this was the case. being super ****ing hungover the day of your wedding just doesnt sound like a good idea.

also: is it standard to invite other (male) attendees of the wedding as well who aren't in the bridal party?

like i said, i've never done this before. this is only the 2nd of my good friends to ever get married, and the first one had his entire male family as groomsmen so i didnt make the cut and was out of town anyways until the day of the wedding.

So yeota and his gf are making it official?

I've never heard of a bachelor party that is the night before the wedding. That is ******ed on so many levels.

Have it a week or two before the wedding. Like this Saturday.

I like the paintball idea, and the hotel, I would definitely add a bar stop somewhere, hopefully a nicer bar, and some potential cigar smoking. If you get some good vibes from anyone at the bar (chicks obv) bring them along.

I am a huge believer that you should have a limo for this day with a stocked bar. This alone can make the entire day a blast.

Yeah, I have never been to a bachelor party closer than around a week to the wedding. That said, I've also never been to a bachelor party that didn't feature strippers and golf ball-sized bags of cocaine, so YMMV.

Night at an arcade playing games you haven't thought about in years. Followed by hotel room and stripper (assuming you can find one who'll take off the cape and bonnet).

wtf? yes. jesus. how many males are there even in a bridal party?

i dont ****ing know these things im just making sure!

limo is definitely a consideration. im thinking about just picking that up cause im pretty sure the rest of the groomsmen are busto.

My understanding is that the best man usually organizes the BP, including inviting everyone he feels the groom will want to see. IOW, there could be some shady friend of groom's that didn't even get invited to wedding b/c wife hates him, but he gets a BP invite.

Damn...I was coming in here to give advice but it has all been covered. I guess I will just recap.

1. Paintball, dinner, suite combo is hard to be beat.
2. Having the party 2 days or even 2 weeks before the wedding is fine. I had mine 2 months before.
3. Yes, invite whoever the groom wants at his party.

Word. Yeah I'm not the best man, but because the best man is an <18 teenager with prob 0 experience partying/drinking (like most of the bridal probably prob lol), I'm proxy taking this over (and this was at the request of the groom too so it's all good).

I just talked to his brother, and the first thing he said was paintball too, but noted that the groom was concerned about getting "bruised" before the wedding. I told him he's just being a pussy (I used gentler terminology) and that he'll be fine, and he agreed. His brother tbh seems like a bit on the wild side, and he was down with a blowout party in a hotel suite. I asked him what the other groomsmen (I honestly don't know any of them... they are all college friends of his. I'm the representative of the lifelong/home friends group) are like when it comes to drinking/partying and he said, "I'm not sure they ever have to be honest."

Wonderful. This is either going to be amazing or a disaster, but both of those outcomes are better than ****ty and boring.

I vote amazing disaster. There will be some really funny stories one way or the other.