hahahaha!

may seem odd to some people but that kind of humor kills me

wtf are you counting

How many pots of boiling oats he's carried?

amazing! thread winner!

the mortal combat one wins life.

i've LOLd at that every time i've opened the thread.

your MOM randomly responds to something a friend says with "your mom [whatever they said last]".

this whole thread is gold. Both of OPs jokes killed. Mortal Kombat is incredible.

It's 10th grade, my friend and I are sitting in biology class. The teacher is lecturing about phagocytosis, so there are already a few immature snickers here and there (it's even a little funnier since the teacher was a lesbian, or at least it was in 10th grade). So during a pause in the lecture, my friend says aloud "HAHA..<dramatic pause>.. she said cytosis". I just about died laughing. Everyone else stared and the teacher looked confused for a second and continued with the lecture.

it took me 10 seconds longer than i'd have liked to understand that one

I had a friend who used to play the "xxx called, and he wants his xxx back" game... basically the goal was to overuse it so badly that everyone hated him for life, and this result made him laugh with glee.

It was kind of like a YOUR MOM series of randomness, but he would play it to amuse himself at parties because he was a misanthrope and didn't much get along with social groups. When I was with him, I would join in too, but it never worked well for me and I chickened out after about 3 tries.

So we were at a New Year's Eve party and this was just after that thing about the Olson Twins' bulimia came out. This girl was passed out on her boyfriend's lap on the couch, her face planted on his thigh. Half a dozen people were also in the room either drinking or making out or something. Suddenly the girl wakes up and pukes all over the boyfriend's lap and the sofa. He sits up real fast but (to his credit) didn't like scream or anything, just looked at his girlfriend. She was horrified of course, and the other people in the room just kind of pretended not to notice, and one girl ran into the kitchen to get some paper towels. The girl started crying and right then, my friend pipes up "Hey! Mary-Kate Olsen just called... she wants her eating disorder back!"

Of course nobody laughed; I mean it wasn't very funny... but the guy just busted out laughing at his own joke, not caring one bit that it flopped quite poorly.

pj, [censored] that, i think its funny...

Finish him is incredible. I've said "Finish him" during class in reference to MK but never with such a perfect setup. Excellent man.

I had been stuck at some random railway station because someone had jumped in front of the train somewhere along the line. After 3 hours of waiting everyone was getting impatient. Finally the dispatcher shows up and tells everyone that the line had been briefly reopened but a second jumper had tried to kill himself. I instantly say: "Probably 'cause he'd been waiting for so goddamn long". There were some repressed chuckles but a lot of stares.

once upon a time i was a "youth intern" at my church along with three other guys. we had some responsibilities, like planning youth group activites, but most of the time we just hung out in the youth room playing RISK and goofing off. two of the other interns loved to listen to the ready supply of christian pop music, and one day we were listening to some christian metal or punk band. i said something like "this music is sending mixed messages. it's like the band is saying `i wanna kick some ass for christ.'" one of the other interns laughed, but the other two gave me some serious faces and told me that i shouldn't say things like that. i tried to back out of it by saying that it was in the bible, like the story of balaam's ass, which the one intern thought was even funnier.

I spent like 5 minutes laughing at this. There is no way i would have been able to hold back in class.

very funny

God I would have laughed so hard at this. I'm know I've bombed plenty of jokes before but can't remember any specific ones offhand. I'm usually the one guy inappropriately laughing really hard at a bombed joke when everyone else is like "wtf?"

Idk if I'd laugh if I was some random person at the party, but it's def funny.

this thread morphed from "jokes that flopped" to "jokes that some people found hilarious and others found offensive."

Funnier?

these are two of the funniest things i've ever read

A+ thread

I read "finish her" hours ago and I'm still giggling like a school girl.

What was the professor's answer to this?

Awesome. I would have laughed.

I believe "goes to college" is my favorite ending to this one.