wtf are you talking about, it sounds just like something mitch would say. obviously a lot would rest on the delivery.

I was in a mixed group of guys and girls, maybe 8 people total. We were talking about good movies, and one of my guy friends said "if you have a penis, you like Gladiator."

I responded, "yeah, and I like it A LOT."

Crickets.

I suppose relying on a gimmick is a good thing.

I made a joke in the sports forum last year that got deleted within 20 mins.
A few days after Corey Lidle's plane crashed into that building in NYC, A-Rod was in an airplane that had some landing problems and that plane almost crashed too. I made a post saying, "Way to go A-Rod. Even Lidle was able to ante up when it counted.".

Yea, exactly. It's like a Mitch Hedberg joke, but not funny.

I would have been in the 1/4 that laughed.... that's pretty funny.

lol

I laughed.

P.S. Kipin -- your Jesus/ukulele avatar is incredible.

Last week I was at a happy hour with 12 other people, 8 of them girls and they were talking about the Michael Devlin kidnap/rape case in St. Louis. One of the girls commented that they had added a bunch of new rape charges and she was wondering how many and my reply was, "After a certain number of rapes don't they just quit counting them?" which was met by lots of silence by the girls.

That *is* funny, but if your professor had a sense of humor, she would have shot right back with a put-down or comeback of her own.

I bomb a lot of jokes out of being way too crude and plenty because of being lame.

Two related to the same topic:


1. In a college class discussing birth control and it the implications that the hormone changes can have on women and sleep some girl was going off on a tangent about how "women have to take the pill, and women have to make sure of this, and women have to go get the morning after pill, etc. it's just not fair that a bunch of male scientists develop all these birth control methods that rely on the woman. they need to focus on some birth control methods that put the responsibility on the guy."

i then let out a too-loud mumble of "well i got a birth control method where men do all the work. its called pulling out." people just sat, mouths wide, like "wtf did he really just say that. I of course continue with "it's actually pretty effective, a lot more so than my previous method which involves a flight of stairs."

this one did not go over so well.



2. Female professor who is a huge feminist (says things like womankind when referring to all people or "no-woman's-land"). She is telling some (un)funny story about how she once was in a rush and put her coat on without removing the coat hanger and didn't realize it until she took her coat off when she got home at night.

Someone girl in the back calls out "Well at least if you got locked out of your car you would have been prepared!" people in the class chuckle.

Then I respond with "or if some student needed an emergency abortion!"

nobody was pleased with this comment either.

I actually really liked this one

we can hang out in hell...although they were predictalbe, i laughed at both

This is too funny, nearly just pi$$ed myself!

This guy (older than me) who takes himself waaay too seriously was telling me and a friend about an ex-girlfriend who was now in an abusive relationship with a guy who was just using her for money...He obv wanted to get back with her..

The other guy asked, 'why did she leave you and why won't she come back to you?'. For some stupid reason I interjected 'well obviously he has a much bigger kn0b!!'

He gave me the stare of death - you're right, it's not even funny on the internet

The save attempt is even better than the original joke. Great work.

In a freshman literature class the teacher was going around the room asking every student what they expected from the course...when it got around to me i went off on how the course was gonna change my life forever and how ive been waiting my whole life for this opportunity etc etc in my really serious but sarcastic face. I think i got some grins but that was it.

Ouch. And yeah, I have bombed too many jokes to count, I'm sure.

My favorite though is unfunny "your mom" jokes. I pretty much make these indiscriminately. 98% of the time they are terrible, and 2% of the time they are hilarious.

i like this.


more ones where the joke truly bombed and less that just involve being too crude/going to far (like mine).

I have this one joke that most people havent heard and it usually kills. I dont know if i was off or what but im at a party with a ton of people i dont know, i was drunk and dont know how the conversation led up to it but i say...

"Whats tall green and [censored] old women?"

"What?"

"Me in my lucky green jacket"

dead silence.

See, I can completely understand why this bombed.

My wife is generally a terrible joke teller. She decides to try at her cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner.

Idiot calls 911 saying his best friend was accidentally shot. 911 operator asks "Is he dead?" Idiot says hold on. While waiting, the operator hears a gunshot. Idiot comes back and says "He is now."

She got nothing but glares from most everybody. Her cousin just said "That's not funny" with a horrified look on her face. It was outstanding. I laughed at the attempt since she actually nailed the timing and pseudo drama, which is a rare feat for her.

FWIW, this guy pretty much never flops a joke. Of course, he only lets one out from time to time so it's not like he's a machine. Just very consistent.

My second favorite involved him about to start hooking up with a girl but she wanted to watch a movie. So he goes to his roommate's room and borrows a DVD. It ends up being Cool Runnings, and roommate gives him a little crap about picking that movie. Next morning roommate asks if he was able to close the deal after picking Cool Runnings. Response: "Dude, I could've put on Schindler's List. It was going to happen."

Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

i saying stuff out loud in class, most of the time i get at least a chuckle, but i bomb once a semester.

my most recent bombing was in my managerial accounting. we were talking on making expansion/advertising/etc decisions based on changes in contribution margin and my professor asked us "who can't help but to make bad decisions?" and i said "britney spears!" she was looking for sales.

This is awesome.