How to score weed thru the internet. My story.
***Per mod instructions I will not mention websites or country so don’t ask***
This story is long. I hope you find it worth your time.
I recently decided to give up drinking because I’m getting fat. Instead I decided after a 4 year hiatus I would start smoking weed again as a substitute vice. My problem my old contacts no longer live in my city. I could drive to the bad part of town but I’ve had mixed results. In the past, I sometimes could score weed there but other times my pasty white skin and clean cut looks sends the MJ vendors fleeing in terror of me. Besides, I really don’t feel that safe dealing with these types of people. So…I decided to score weed via the internet.
I read a post at a Cannabis site where some people were selling weed via the internet. The story listed the well known website and I decided to try this website. After using the search feature using words like Marijuana, I struck out. I then got the bright idea to go to the “Adult” section the website where thinly veiled prostitution takes place. I figured these people are in the victimless crime business so perhaps they could hook me up w/ weed if I paid them a finder’s fee for their trouble.
Anyway I sent the email to a woman advertising companionship services, massage, mutual bathing, and fetishes. Fetishes? I thought this seems like a good target. But how should I word such a delicate matter to her w/o scaring them that I might be a cop trying to trap them? My email basically said:
‘I don’t need your normal services. In fact your attractiveness is of no importance to me.
I’m looking for an underground restaurant located on 420th and Pine St but only the cool people could get in and I just not that cool. I said I like both swag food and chronically good food. My only requirement was the food had to be ORGANIC. I said if you’re a cool person that can get me in, I’d pay you your 1-hour fee plus the cost of the food. I then say we could meet at a fast food place and for 5min of your time we could both leave happy…
I receive a reply that said,
“I think I know the restaurant you are talking about and it is all ORGANIC, clean fresh and wonderful Let me know what time tonight is best for you.
-Mary-‘
LOL! I loved the fact she gave me the name Mary.
Yep…MaryJane is coming to pay me a visit! Booh-yah!!!
Then I got a little worried. This was too easy. On my first attempt I score…
I sent a reply saying wow I’m not ready to move so soon that I’d needed to go to the bank to get some cash (true). I told her what my budget was for the “meal” (2+2 editorial: You know, meal, restaurant, wink-wink!...this was not in my email. ).
I told here I’m really into safety and if the situation didn’t feel right I was bolting. I posted the following link written by Barry Cooper on how to spot an undercover cop. Read it if you like but it basically says to ask your contact to take a bong hit because cops and CIs are NOT allowed to use drugs so it is the best way to out them.
I told her Barry is my guy and that I found this article very interesting.
http://www.cannabisculture.com/v2/node/18941
I said if there was anything I could do to make you feel more comfortable then I would do it. I then said that I hope you’re the type to reciprocate. (2+2 editorial: This was my attempt to say I’d do a bong hit to prove I was cool if she would do the same. The cannabisculture website link was just icing on the cake)
She replied no problem and that we both have the right to refuse service and that when we meet, we would both have a wonderful night.
She sent me two possible meeting times when she could meet. I sent a reply 30min before the first meeting time I’d be there. At last, I would be meeting “Mary” (wink-wink!).
But…I got stood up. When I got home I sent here an email asking her where was she? She said she needed AT LEAST 2-hours notice and that 30 min was not enough time to react. I think, “Ok, I was too anxious. She has to make a buy from her supplier so she was right that 30 min was not enough time for her to be ready. My bad…”.
We schedule a second meeting and she gives me her phone#. This time I give several hours notice. We confirm the time, I give her my description. I specify I’ll leave the type of “meal” up to you (2+2 editorial: Get it? Meal, Wink-wink!).
Cool… I’m happy… I’ll be with my Mary Jane soon! Booh-yah!!!
But…I get stood up…again!
When I get home I read an email from her chastising me for standing her up. I send a reply email telling her that I was there and told here exactly where I was sitting. I then thought, ‘screw email’. I picked up the phone and called her. She says basically says. ‘Oh, I saw you there but I wasn’t comfortable approaching random strangers because I wasn’t sure which one was you’. I hear frustration in her voice and I ask her what she wants to do. She says she does NOT want to go to a neutral meeting place again. She says if you want just come here and I’ll make you dinner (2+2 editorial: Dinner, food, Get it? Mmmm delicious MJ is coming to me. Booh-yah! ). I think, “Cool. She must think I’m not a cop to invite me over”. So I drive to her apartment.
When I get there she opens the door and I see a very pretty older woman w/ a belly on her. She is smiling very friendly, asks me if I want something to drink. After some chit-chat, we sit on the couch. She then asks me why I used so many euphemisms. I said I wanted to communicate what I wanted but I wanted to be a bit delicate in my communications. She nods in understanding. So I ask her, “Did you get me swag or the more expensive stuff?” She says, “Swag? What is swag?”. I say, “Am I being too direct for you?” She gives me a puzzled look. I say, “You know, swag? The cheaper weed?”. And she says,
<DRUMROLL>
“I don’t do drugs!” Her gives me a look that would melt steel.
I’m in shock. My instincts kick in. My legs say, “**** you Felix, I’m out of her!” I stand up and walk str8 to the door. She then says, “How could you possibly think I sell drugs”. LOL! I turned and looked at her with a look of surprise and humor. Wow….did I feel like an ass.