Alex -

I honestly can't believe I'm about to explain this to somebody who apparently doesn't understand such an incredibly basic concept but here goes:


1. Open door and enter
2. Do whatever
3. Wash hands
4. Open door to leave


you see? The washing hands part comes AFTER you opened the door to enter!!!!
So all the germs you got on your hands upon entering will be washed away in a couple minutes anyway. Exciting!!
But the washing hands part does come BEFORE you open the door to leave!!!

If they offered sinks and soap OUTSIDE the bathroom to wash-up after you left the mens room then there would be no need to use a towel to open the door because you will be scrubbing up AFTER touching the icky bacteria stuff. Although I guess if everyone handled that door totally unwashed I wouldn't be so gung-ho about touching it with my hand even with the sink awaiting me outside.


Also should be noted that if everyone conducted themselves like normal, hygenic human-beings and washed-up before they left then the paper-towel on the handle thing would be far less necessary.


My strategy when I don't want to reach for a towel or whatever is to just touch as little of the door-handle as possible when opening it...often-times with just one finger and then to at least wipe that finger on my shirt or something. Or to pull hand inside sports coat or sweater sleeve slightly and open door with that as kind of my towel so that my actual skin on my hand isn't making contact.
This probably accomplishes absolutely nothing and just spreads germs onto my clothing and maybe makes it worse. Don't know. But I feel better.

To those who think the door on the way out isn't germ-infested and icky:
Go ahead and lick the door-handle at some of these places and come back here, if you are able, to report how you feel.
Even better if you think this matter is so trivial you could just grip the door-handle and rub up and down for 5 seconds or something and then go lick those hands or just go eat a hamburger or some chicken-fingers or a really mesy donut where you might lick your fingers or something like that.

Even the thought of that is so disgusting it's kind of creeping me out. But some people evidently really think that the germs on tyhose door handles on the way out that are being gripped and handled by DUDES WHO DON'T WASH AFTER THEY WIPE THEMSELVES don't pose any danger at all somehow or really don't have many germs to bother worrying about it.


I'm rapidly learning that the people who don't wash after doing a #2 aren't the only ******ed ones when it comes to pretty obvious hygeine stuff.

my standard.

I'm actually tempted to do this just to prove your body isn't ****ing useless when defending against germs.

I'm 100% sure i've eaten finger food after opening a bathroom door with my hands and not felt ill in the least bit. You can argue that it might be disgusting to think about, but your body isn't hopeless when it comes to this ****.

Its sorta like russion roulette, just cuz you pull the trigger doesnt mean you are going to get shot.

Im sure I could drink the goo at the bottom of the tray the chicken breasts come in and not get salmonella, Im still better off not doing it tho.

i sit down.

i've been subconciously lifting up my genitalia since i was a child and wiping between my legs. Standing up sounds absolutely ridic. your ****ing ass cheeks are still together, theres no spreadage. and i always check before throwing it in.

mind = blown

It's not like you stand straight up with your legs clenched together so you have to swipe the toilet paper like a credit card. It's more of a squat with ample cheek-spreadage. My knees are still bent and cheeks still spread, I just find it easier to get the job done without the toilet paper touching anything it isn't supposed to while "standing".

Is anybody here using the "spit on the paper" technique?

I'm always wipe standing up (facing the bowel, admiring my latest child ldo), but sometimes, you know that no matter how many wipes you'll be doing, your ass is never coming out 100% clean. Paper is still a little brownish event after the tenth wipe...
I discovered the perfect solution for this problem : just dump some saliva on the paper before process, you'd be surprised how much **** stains you'd be lefting there. Repeat action once or twice, then wipe with a dry paper, and you can proudly come out with a perfectly cleaned ass!

or you could just dip the tp under a little running water you sick ****


alobar is hardcoree ocd

So my brother forwarded me this thread and I had to make an account to post my opinion here.

Like the guy from the Peace Corp I also consider myself a bit of an expert on this topic. I am an American who has lived in Australia and South Korea exstensively.

So basically, I am a sitter who wipes sack to back and I look. The physics to accomplish this are extremely simple and you standers are weird in my opinion. Either A your asses are too fat that you have no space to reach in wipe and have a look. Or B you like to smear the **** on your cheeks and then wipe more times than a sitter to get clean. Standing obviously forces you to push your ass cheeks together. This causes extra smearage. This requires more wipes to get clean. So therefore it is not efficient. Obviously, you can be as clean as a sitter. But it is going to take more wipes.

Now squatting is actually a really clean way to drop a deuce. The **** just falls straight out and doesn't leave much residue behind. However, be careful of your pants because you don't want the shiite dropping down between your ankles where your pants are. So it does take some skill. I've had a few friends get crap all over their pants on squatters. But once you master it its great for cleanliness.

Currently I am in South Korea and I have had the PLEASURE of using a bidet. Let me just say, this is the way of the future. These things are awesome. It's not even a seperate unit. It's an attachment on the toilet seat. Basically there is a little secret wand that pops out and sprays water into your hole. You can adjust the strength, length of time, water temp and pulse rate. Then it even blow drys your bunghole with nice warm air. One courtesy wipe to check if you're clean and you will find that you are spotless unless you had some really bad green apple splatters.

So basically, bidets are superior, squatting is great once you master it (no touching dirty seats, no smearing on the exit, although its a bit uncomfortable for us westerns who aren't a squatting people), then sitting and looking, then standing and looking. Then people who don't look. (like blind people)

I read this whole thread with a horrified look on my face (whilst laughing uncontrollably) until El D posted this. Thank god for that, I thought my hygenic wiping of my ass was in some way not normal.

Spitting on the TP. Now that is weird.

If 15 is required then thats how many the ass gets.

If I get to 7 or so and I know there are more coming, you just do a mid-poop flush to ensure the non blockage of toilets.

and I'm in agreement with the sitting/leaning reach-around with right arm and looking at the paper (and front to back obv). folded at the perforation of course. (3 ply too pls, I dont want any of your 2-ply **** falling to pieces in my hand)

Sometimes I'll use my lefthand just to even up my rib cage a little cos I think when I get old I'll have a hunchback to the side cos of the strange rotation that you do only on the toilet.

Also at home I poop naked, and sometimes if I've been sitting for a while I feel like my legs need a stretch and I will finish the process with the last few wipes standing up facing the toilet with a right legged, crouched straddle of the toilet, using my left hand on the sink for balance. Of course the look at the paper is standard at the end either way, but with the straddle technique I can use the mirror on the wall to check the paper which is a nice added advantage.

I think I've covered most things, but lastly. White toilet paper only please. Other colours induce some kind of monkey-tilt that is unexplainable, and anyone who uses some flavoured paper (especially chamomile) is a ****ing weirdo imo.

note: naked pooping is due to freedom of movement of the legs. wherever possible it is more comfortable to be able to put your feet where you want.

Humanity is indeed a wonderful tapestry of differences, now, isn't it.

Yeti, please see my recent recipe for naked pooping. This will allow your legs the freedom they deserve. You can simply straighten your legs occasionally while pooping, thus ensuring that bloodflow will not be blocked by a long period of time with your knees bent. (of course during the leg straightening time, you will be required to support the laptop with your left hand as gravity will in fact work against you in this position)

TR of next poop pls.

Sounds weird and gross (and stupid if you have running water in the closet), but you'll thank me later when you'll have experimented it once

And actually it's not that weird, it's just home made premoist wipes that cost a fortune... not that gross either as my saliva which is in my mouth is generally cleaner than what comes out of my ass.

what the **** is wrong with some if you?! YOU DONT WIPE BETWEEN THE LEGS, YOU DONT SPIT YOURSELF IN THE ASS, YOU DONT GO BACK TO FRONT AND NO, YOU DO NOT SKIP LOOKING!!

if I find out any of my friends is doing this **** im gonna pistol whip them

All: Check the location, it'll make things a bit more clear.

I go through about one box of moist wipes a month, maybe month and a half. They're much better than sticking a bunch of TP under a faucet because they hold up better and they smell nice.

Damnit, I sprained my ankle badly yesterday and today after taking my daily dump, I tried to go for the usual standing to wipe method. Well that's almost impossible to do while standing on one leg while trying to balance myself with my shoulder on the wall. So I sat back down to try the sitting method reaching between my legs. Well that didn't work out so well, as soon as I started to move my junk out of the way I started to creep on a boner and with a semi. wiping was pretty impossible. How do you guys not get a hard-on while doing this method?

MicroBob- But do you do the same thing to every public surface?

I wash my hands a reasonable amount, which is to say when cooking/after going to the bathroom and that's it. I eat finger food all the time. ZOMG why aren't I dead?

Microbob, lots of things are icky and gross and I don't do them, but I don't need to justify that with the belief that I'll get sick if I do them. You either vastly overestimate the hardiness of germs or underestimate the strength of your immune system. If you've legitimately got a frail immune system then do whatever you got to do, but a regular person could eat a whole basket of onion rings after giving the bathroom door a handjob.

Other people's germs have already gotten to you by then! Unless maybe you're washing your hands as soon as you enter. You can't possibly think that touching other people's germs to your nether regions is safe can you?

1. Open door and enter and get a bunch of germs
2. Do whatever and infect yourself with all those germs
3. Wash hands too late to stop those germs

Anyway, what about other things? Do people always use towels to touch money or to push buttons on an elevator or open any other door? Or do you just immediately wash your hands after? Can you even bring yourself to touch someone else's keyboard? Telephone? Remote control? Who knows who's been touching that thing and with what??!? Can you even eat in a public restaurant? How often do you think those waitresses are washing their hands between touching their tips and touching your plate?

Dunno man, something about toilets, taking a **** and wiping my ass keep my dick pretty flacid.

lol @ roadhead!11

i thought this thread couldnt get weirder or funnier

This has become the number two thread of all time