What about taking a dump naked like I do????

thats pretty bizarre

El D- I never took you for the Hughes type.

Yeah I dunno, I'm a little unsure of that last one. I have never worried about it up until now, but now that it has been brought to my attention it makes a lot of sense to avoid contact if possible. But then again, is a public restroom door handle that much different from any other? I mean where do you draw the line?

I will try the paper towel/doorknob thing for a week or so and report back with my results. I am really only doing this because El Diablo insists that this is perfectly normal, and who am I to argue?

Masked Man,

What is the preferred strategy in restrooms with no paper towel? Do you just go back to the stall and grab some TP? Is using your sleeve out of the question?

Do you all have any tricks to get extra leverage when you get that one stuck halfway out (other than grunting of course)? In my bathroom the sink comes almost all the way to the toilet. I have figured out I can use this to my advantage, to push up on the underside of the sink. This seems to help scrunch my body together and help push that puppy all the way out.

if I don't have paper towel, or if there is no wastebasket within any kind of reach (and I would be leaving papertowel on the floor), I generally use sleeve, or if I have to, grab a very non-standard part of the handle to open it (like the very bottom or top of the handle or somewhere equally as awkward)

All - perhaps it is less noticeable to you if you don't work in an office building on a regular basis (and are going to the bathroom a lot in a public restroom)... so I will confirm for you that using paper towels to open a restroom door is super, standard.

-Al

Suzzer,

I can't see how holding on to the sink could have any effect on your bowels. I think that a lot of what you believe to be 'extra leverage' is really just a figment of your imagination. Kind of like when my mom pushes on the garage door opener a second time when just once would have sufficed. It's the time-delay thing that fools her.

Aloysius,

Thank You.

If my bowels believe it and let go, that's all that matters.

Also I'm not holding on. I'm pushing upward with my hand on the underside of the lip of the sink, effectively pushing my butt down into the seat.

Right, and I'm the weirdo.

I realize that as a non-looker I'm the wrong guy to question this, but people seriously wipe 10-15 times? How often do you need a plumber to come un-plug your toilets?

LFS,

No one is accusing you of being a weirdo. It just seems a little unfamiliar to most that someone wouldn't want to be certain of not smelling like **** for the rest of the day.

10-15 times are the gooey, mushy ones. It's the rippy, teary hard ones that clog up the toilet.

I take my pants/underwear/shoes off so i can sit with my legs spread out as far as i want. no need to take my shirt off unless its a big sweatshirt that might get in the way.

To wipe i kinda semi squat leaning forward with one foot up on the edge of the bathtub to get a good spread.

wipes usually go b2f,b2f,f2b,b2f,b2f. I feel like one wipe going the opposite way helps get what was just spread back the other way on the first 2-3 wipes., but then i always throw down another b2f to keep that **** in line.


The most important thing of my ****ting routine is lighting up a cig when i walk in the bathroom. poop slides right out when that nicotine hits ya

**** that, bathroons are nasty, im not touching the door handle that hundreds of gross ****ing between the legs, crack to sack wipers have used. I try to avoid touching any door handles at all anywhere. I use ionly my pinky finger to open all "pull" doors, and I make a fist and use the outside of my hand on the glass (like if I were punching something) on all push doors.

[QUOTE=BigCummins;2407645]I take my pants/underwear/shoes off so i can sit with my legs spread out as far as i want. no need to take my shirt off unless its a big sweatshirt that might get in the way.
/QUOTE]


I'm not saying I MIND being naked when I ****, but I don't take off clothes to do it. Do you do this at public/semi-public restrooms?

forearm or shoulder FTW

I understand the concept of "germaphobe," I'm just informing you that it's a little weird to be that way mostly because you're likely touching germy surfaces all the time but there's a very specific subset of areas that you're afraid of.

Its not being a germaphone its just common sense to avoid touching things you dont need to, that tons of other people touch. And Im not touching germy surfaces all the time, but when Im forced to Ill wash my hands when I get the chance.

[QUOTE=Freakin;2407882] I def dont do this in public restrooms, I will at friends houses though since i have the privacy of a room to myself. Its not a must but i have an easier time going with my feet wide apart. sometimes i'll just take my right shoe off, slip my right leg free of my pants and do my thing.

For all the people who dont open a door w/ some sort of paper the following anecdote applies. Now, I cant remember if it was an actual study or some urban legend but at restaurants they used to have those bowls of unwrapped crappy tasting, white & green mints that you could take as you leave. Well some scientists found out that there was generally traces of fecal matter in this mints from all the jackasses who dont wipe correctly and then wash their hands. Just imagine everytime you open a door in the bathroom youre getting someone elses turd on your hands and then think twice about saying wtf to people who open doors with some sort of paper.

RF,

I have read about studies that have found fecal matter, urine, blood, semen, and many other unsavory fluids on just about everything you could possibly imagine. Does this mean that I should avoid all contact with anything that someone else may have come in contact with?

Probably.

Back to front is more natural and makes more sense than front to back because of gravity. When you shet, your back is higher than your front. So you're going from a higher elevation to a lower elevation when you go back to front.

My shet plan:
1. Try to relax
2. After the WMDs have been dropped, tear off some TP and fold it into the minimum thickness that I can't possibly punch a hole through when I wipe but yet is environmentally/financially responsible
3. Rest the TP on my middle finger, as it is the one with the longest reach, lean to the left as I am a rightie, and wipe from back to front without standing up which would only decreases the target area
4. It's pretty much just a digging motion with my middle finger along with a flick of the wrist
5. The first few wipes I don't need to look if there's any shet there on the TP, I'm paranoid that even if the TP's clean it might be hiding somewhere else in my crack so this step happens completely automatically
6. First flush
7. The second act begins. I wipe using the same technique as before, but now I look at the TP after every wipe to see if further repetition is necessary.
8. Since I've clogged many toilets in my day, I usually flush again after 10-20 more wipes just to be safe.
9. Act three. By now if I haven't finished wiping yet I should be almost done. If not then wipe a few more times and then flush it for the last time.
10. Pull up pants.
11. Wash hands as soon as possible.

Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?