What about emotional abuse? What if it is simply clear, like the majority of relationships we all have been in, since we have had many more end than last unless we are still within our first or second relationship, that it is not working well?

Someone being open to other people they find attractive when in a relationship can indicate a weakness character if they have chronic commitment problems or act on it in secrecy by cheating, or seek it to fill gaps in their current relationship or self worth, but sometime it is just timing. They meet someone who is significantly more compatible than the person they were trying to partner with currently. If it's not a case of looking to upgrade constantly and it is based on sound vision, not just chemical, life is too short to pass up on rare matches and compromise to honor a mistake. What they do at that point and how they treat the person in the current relationship matters, and if kids are involved it is an entirely different level of responsibility imo, but there are no rules--and if there are they are broken by a lot of people so they should not be depended on.

Fwiw I would not cheat as either the other man or on a partner, but many others do so you can't call it a rule.

It's almost like adultery is "cool" now.

It's almost like 50% of marriages end in divorce and nearly all relationships before marriage do not work long term, but you know, it's fun to pretend in true love, fate and assign meaning to ceremony.

Pro tip- an actual working relationship is not based on laws you abide by, it's based on compatibility.

Let's flip this. If when I was engaged to my wife it turned out a coworker was getting feelings from her that she was uncertain about marrying me, and further she actually was just going along because she was too scared that it would be her best chance or whatever other tragic reason on the list people pull from to make this kind of common mistake, expressed he was interested and she felt like that was a better option for her how would I feel?

Bad. So what? It would not me good for either her or for me or for future kids that so many people use to try to bridge gaps for us to move forward. This is just logic.

Either it would turn out she was a better match for life with that other guy, or they would fail also, but it doesn't change the fact that she and I were not headed for a good outcome.

What people are advocating here, hiding interest in anyone in a relationship, is based on fear that their relationship is too fragile to withstand any outside threat. That is a problem regardless of the existence or avaoidance of the threat. My wife does not have to worry about other women as a threat because our relationship is way too strong to be jeopardized. I assume the same in reverse. If I am wrong the problem is my assumption.

Truant speaks the truth.

Dennis: All right, well, glad that's settled. I'm think I'm gonna go get in that chick's pants now.
Mac: I thought they were engaged, dude.
Dennis: Yeah, engaged, come on that's just a word, it doesn't mean anything.
Mac: It means they're getting married.
Dennis: Married, engaged, they're all just words, you know? My parents were married and engaged once, you saw how that worked out. All right, I'm gonna go bang that chick. Enjoy wearing that keg for the rest of the competition.

I'm not at all worried about my partner cheating and if someone approached him I am pretty certain he would shut it down very promptly. I just don't think I would ever make my interest known to someone in a committed relationship, especially if their were kids involved. I understand these things happen though and if someone did this with my partner (it has happened before) I would think they have good taste but poor timing. In our case we have a good relationship though. My partner has actually toned down his personality as he is naturally friendly and women can sometimes misconstrue this as flirting which can end up with him in an uncomfortable situation.

It's for sure situational, but the hard and fast rules are an issue because the group that holds people who adhere to those well also holds many of the ones of the ones who could make a decent case by case decision without needing a rule, like you probably. The group holding people who make the ****tiest decisions don't generally follow rules well either.

Anyway, congrats to both of us for not needing to depend on the advice our spouses' horny coworker finds on a gambling forum keeping our relationships sound.

I would give this a long reply but here are the cliffs:

Don't be a butt.

You never know though, OP. For now definitely kill any stupid ideas with this girl, but maybe in 6 years or so she'll be a divorced single mom, carrying another 15 pounds -

I had basically that scenario with a girl who blew me off senior year HS. My 22nd or 23rd birthday I run into her tending bar, hadn't seen her since HS, and she gives it up next day. I talk to her a couple times and friendzone her at that point. Can't guarantee those results but life does things like that here and there. Would make other plans just the same.

So you haven't even *tried* to get her drunk yet?

1. They live with his parents? OMG, that sounds horrible. Like, JFC, engaged and living together with his parents for like a ****ing year leading up to the wedding...that they can't afford or something so they're not even saving any money? I think I'm going to vomit.

How do you not take pity on this miserable woman and give her a way out, unless it's you just think she's too pathetic for you?

2. What are you talking about--this isn't important at all. See #1 or #3.

3. This is what you call a blown opportunity. "My thoughts on marriage are intricate and complex--really best discussed over a few drinks with just the two of us." Or literally anything. You suck.

4. So she's hot for multiple people at the office and swings both ways. I'm not seeing a problem here. Def NOT at her place.

*Note: if any of you are about to post that living together with one of your parents is now the new normal before getting married...please don't, you're just going to make me lose all hope.