My parents were divorced when I was very young (not because of any cheating but because they just weren't meant for each other) and I think I've turned out very well. I'm not saying that their lives will be ruined, but it will certainly have an effect. It's not ok to bring trouble and conflict in to that family just because OP is feeling vindictive. Telling the wife and/or trainwrecking the g/f is completely selfish and OP will likely (or should) regret this decision later on.

Let it go and move on. Option A is fine and so is B in my opinion. Option C is childish, selfish, and won't lead to anything good other than OP getting his rocks off for now and then coming to realize that being driven by revenge and self-satisfaction in other people's misery isn't all that much better than infidelity.

this

No. Vow breaking, dishonest, cheating husband is the selfish one. Telling the wife is doing her a favor, and OP keeping that information to himself would be a selfish act. When you have a problem with the truth it's time to step back and reevaluate your mindframe. Your insistence on protecting the husband's dishonesty is really weird man.

Don't know why anyone hasn't mentioned this yet Why are you living with your GF in COLLEGE? So stupid.

If you are both on the lease then you are probably screwed if she tries to hold you to the lease. Luckily if the landlord is on your side maybe he can "evict" you for some inane reason and terminate the lease that way.

reminds me of the time a guy (a cop) showed up at our office wielding a loaded gun, to confront someone who was banging his wife

but yeah, confront him, what could go wrong? it's not like a guy who would cheat on his wife and kid would do anything crazy

I wonder how many of you saying this are married and have children.

I think most spouses with children would tell you it's a bad assumption.

this doesnt make sense. i can understand just not messing with their family business at all, but if you tell the wife, then its up to her to how she deals with it. if she thinks her family etc. is still worth she can choose to ignore it. not telling does nothing, except for the hope that her ignorance will be everyones bliss, other than let a deep hole remain present in their marriage, that is likely to explode the kids/family. dont kill the messenger. its the husband that jeopardized this stuff if it leads to the negative results on the family and its further the wife's choice to take it htere.

While this could be true of most people in general, it is still pretty misleading since the "right circumstance" varies so greatly from person to person. OP's girlfriend would probably cheat with a guy just because he showed interest in her. For other people it would take a 10, plus loads of alcohol. For others it would take even more than that.

lol

seriously, you think it's so easy for a wife to simply ignore someone telling her that her husband is cheating???????

As Zygote said, OP can tell the wife and then she makes the final decision. If she is happy with the dude, then they try to work it out. If the relationship wasn't working to begin with this could be the final straw and they get a divorce. At the end of the day if it came to a divorce the kid would be better off.


No, but obviously if the husband is cheating with a 6 without any form of alcohol assisting him, the marriage probably has some issues anyway. Best to tackle them now, for the kids sake.

Put this on next time you see her.

Yes, absolutely.

you think its so simple for relationships to be healthy and prosperous with deep destructive secrets?

if she cant ignore it, she probably wouldve wanted to know, and its likely best. if she cares this much, she would notice things from him and live in a world of semi-pyschosis. there is no way he can be perfectly good to her under the circumstances his sexual and social life is divided from their family, and this will her always give her deep feelings of inadequacy and lacking love/lust/support. perhaps though she is devious herself and doesnt care. perhaps their relationship only survives on their kids. who knows. IMO its most certainly best for her to know given the unknown and let her decide how to deal with the information. i dont know how you win ignoring reality when it will almost inevitably kick you in the face.

that said, this doesnt mean its OP's business to tell her. that depends on how morally obliged he feels. if he does choose to though, he is not the architect of their family problems to follow or anything like that just because he is the proximate cause. its the ultimate cause that matters.

So it's up to OP to decide for the wife when she should "tackle her issues" with her husband? OP should decide what's best for her kids?

If you tell the wife, you have irreparably changed her life, and the lives of her children, period, probably (but not definitely) for the worse, no matter how hard you want to believe that the wife can simply bury her head in the sand and completely ignore the advice. If that's cool with you, then go for it. But, again, I don't think you can assume that most spouses who are raising small children would want to be told by a stranger that his/her spouse is a cheater.

It's time to learn how to handle this like a man. She doesn't get to have you in her life anymore. That's it.

"We need to talk. I know you've been cheating on me, and I need you to pack up your stuff and leave by tomorrow night."

Don't tell the wife.

Don't confront the guy.

Don't punish or humiliate her.

If your friends ask you what happened, tell them. If anybody you don't consider a friend asks you, tell them it didn't work out.

If you really want revenge or to strike back at her, the absolute best way is NOT to use your info to ruin her or sabotage her. If you really wanna **** her over in the worst way possible, dont ever tell her that you know about her affair. Just wait till she comes home one day, sit her down and dump her. Give her all the lame cliches like, its not you, its me and all that. Never really being specific, but the basic point will be clear, you just dont want her anymore. But be firm and be final. Then move out the next day and then just ignore her when she calls and texts.

I guarantee you this will do more to **** her up than absolutely anything else you could do. The problem is that its prolly a lot harder on you as you never get your own closure and you never get to confront her or yell at her or blame her for your pain and all that crap that you desperately want to do. But there it is.

Whatever you decide to do tho, move the **** out as soon as possible, and start healing.

Exactly. Handle it like an adult.

I completely disagree that if you tell the wife you have probably changed her life for the worse. Again, the dude was cheating with a 6 without any help from booze. Their marriage is not solid. OP should not be giving any life advice to the wife obviously, it's up to her how she handles the information.

That said, not telling the wife is fine as well.

I'm midway through the op and got to this:

lol this is terrible. and very telling.

i like this. if it were me, i might take this advice.

This is pretty effing good advice.

I would also consider telling her you've been cheating on her on-and-off for years. But I think Alobar's advice is better because it makes her feel worse.

Alobar's advice is insightful because she'll be left feeling that there was something about her that you didn't like, and that she wasn't enough for her. That will get to her much more than knowing you just ended it because you found out she was cheating. Then you have the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that she'll always wonder if you found out and *that's* the real reason.

Yeah, this.

WTF there is no ending on good terms. She is secretly ****ing some other dude.

The best thing you can do is to just end the relationship with the girlfriend if you don't feel like being the "forgive and forget" type of person.

The worst thing you can do is attempt to get revenge on either your girlfriend or the other guy she is seeing. Calling his wife is a terrible thing to do as you suddenly become entwined in their marital discord. If they end up in divorce court, do you really want to get dragged in for a deposition or hearing?

Man up and walk away if you don't want to work things out with the girlfriend.